Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ldrerup, Feb 23, 2003.

  1. ldrerup

    ldrerup New Member

    For the women, since it's mostly women who have FM, what do you do about housework. My husband (has FM and Bipolar 2) is on disability and is home every day, he says he is in too much pain to help me out with anything (I work and take care of everything) and I was wondering, do you have someone who comes in and does it, do your husbands help out, or do all of it, or how do you cope? I guess I'm asking, is there a way he can help out, I really think some of his depression could be from sitting around or sleeping all day, he says he eats and sleeps because he is bored. Am I asking too much? He has been out of work for 6 years, and when I ask for help, he tells me " I'm bringing in money now". I don't want to ask or keep after him if he can't, but how do all of you cope, day after day after day?

    P.S. I'm pretty sure if I was the one with FM he'd tell me to pace myself, but if I was home all day, I should be able to do something?
  2. PAT

    PAT New Member

    No, you aren't asking too much, but most likely the more you say about it, the less he will do.
    You just can't motivate someone who doesn't wish to be motivated.
    My opinion is, you do as much as you can do, and try to keep from grumbling about it to him. I know that doesn't sound fair, but in my house, if I am angry and try to guilt my family into helping, I pretty much get NO help.
    He probably would feel better if he got up and got himself going, and maybe you could relate to him that you would BOTH be much easier to live with if YOU felt he cared enough to help out.
    It's a rough situation. I have 5 kids, and a husband who works hard. I do most of the work myself, but they know that when I have a bad flare up, I can't do it all alone.
    When I have good days, I do as much as I can, and on the bad days, try not to worry about the mess as much. I know I will get to it when I feel better.
    Good luck Patti G
  3. BethM

    BethM New Member

    but unfortunately a certain minimum has to get done. I've learned to ignore a certain amount of mess and dust, and we clean when it gets to "critical mass". I'd love to hire a housekeeper to come in twice a month to do the heavy cleaning, but haven't found anyone I trust to be in the house while I'm gone. I can dust, but vaccuuming destroys my entire body, triggers the FMS and MPS badly (I work full time) When we bought couches years ago when the kids were small, they were a 'dirt colored' tweed fabric. Actually a mixed brown tweed, didn't show dirt unless part of one got cleaned. LOL!

    We are having painting done and interior doors replaced starting next weekend, so rooms have to be cleaned out. I hurt just thinking about it, but my partner is working long and crazy hours, so it's up to me. The kids live 500 miles away. I know I'll pay for it later. A storm coming in isn't helping either, with my weather aches. Note that I said 'having painting done'. I can't and my partner doesn't have time, and I don't want to deal with a half painted house for months!

    So, the ideal is to hire someone to do all the house stuff, if that is possible.

  4. MelanieThebirdlover

    MelanieThebirdlover New Member

    Hey the dirt aint going any where! It will be there when you feel better. Tell your hubby that he should pace his self and even little things will help. I use disposable plates, bowls, cups, to take short cuts. I don't have a dish washer so got to do something. And I buy these disposable items from the $1.00 store so they aint expensive. Also, if you take turns, it wont seem so unfair. But if he is just so unwilling to do anything, I don't know what to tell you, I mean FM is bad, and it does effect ev1 differently. And bipolar aint no joke either, so I can understand him, but then again I understand where your coming from. My best suggestion is try and make short cuts for both of you, and since he has money coming in he can take some of that money and hire someone to do house work and that will count towards him helping. Well, I hope this helps.... Good luck and take good care!