Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ldrerup, Feb 23, 2003.

  1. ldrerup

    ldrerup New Member

    For the women, since it's mostly women who have FM, what do you do about housework. My husband (has FM and Bipolar 2) is on disability and is home every day, he says he is in too much pain to help me out with anything (I work and take care of everything) and I was wondering, do you have someone who comes in and does it, do your husbands help out, or do all of it, or how do you cope? I guess I'm asking, is there a way he can help out, I really think some of his depression could be from sitting around or sleeping all day, he says he eats and sleeps because he is bored. Am I asking too much? He has been out of work for 6 years, and when I ask for help, he tells me " I'm bringing in money now". I don't want to ask or keep after him if he can't, but how do all of you cope, day after day after day?

    P.S. I'm pretty sure if I was the one with FM he'd tell me to pace myself, but if I was home all day, I should be able to do something?
  2. nitalynn

    nitalynn New Member

    He does the cooking and vaccuming. I wash and fold clothes and do the ironing. He carries the laundry basket when it is full. I sit on the bed and he dumps it on it and I fold them. This may be something he can do. I also clean the bathrooms. Don't know about that it is pretty heavy duty work.
  3. phenom

    phenom New Member

    my partner does 90% of the house work, he is a full time student and has no time to himself now. i have had FM for over 11 years now, but its only gotten really bad in the last 18 months - 2 years. i help out when i can...little things like if i use a cup, i'll wash it straight away and put it away so the dishes don't mount up (not always tho), but i too get so exhausted and am in so much pain (my doc doesn't believe in meds! - new doc soon). i do think that sitting around and doing nothing adds to depression - it does for me. sometimes i go on my little drives just to get out of the house. you also have to learn to live with a bit more mess than you may be used to. i hope that helps in some way - hopefully one of the others on the board who has a partner with FM will respond soon. good luck.

  4. allie124

    allie124 New Member

    I am not on disability, but I do stay at home due to FMS while my husband works. He is very supportive, but NOT in the area of housework-I don't think he had many chores as a kid, things were always done for him. So the housework falls on me, which is hard (funny that at one time I did housework for a living). We aren't living in filth, but I am glad my mother-in-law can't see it! There are several dustbunnies, there is always laundry to do, dishes to wash, and quite a bit of clutter. I don't have many people over to the house. As far as what I am able to do around the house, even though I am home all day, I have to plan my time and make lists to try to remember what I was planning to do. Laundry is an all day thing for me to do 3 or 4 loads, and then I can't do much on the following day. Bathrooms are the same. Those disinfectant wipes are wonderful when I can't do a full cleaning job. If you can get him in the habit of using the wipes on the toilet after use, or on the sink after shaving...things like that make it easier. I had to get a lightweight cordless vac because the other was too hard for me. Maybe this could help him as well. Even if it is just one or two rooms at a time. Dishes can get hard if I'm having a bad pain day-hard to hold onto the glasses (I've broken 14 glasses since moving here 2 years ago) so sometimes dishes pile up. And we do eat out more than we used to-to save me from having to cook or clean up, but it is getting expensive. I know at least mentally it feels good to accomplish even little tasks. Be patient with him, but try to help him see the ways he can help around the house. If he can fix his lunch maybe he can fix dinner too? And also folding towels or socks can be done while sitting in front of the TV. Maybe part of his not doing housework is due to just being overwhelmed at the tought of it. But if he knows it is not a marathon, and that he doesn't have to be Mr. Clean, he can pace himself and at least do something to help out. I know how much my husband appreciates not having to think about housework when he puts in more than a full day's work at the office. And I appreciate that he works as hard as he does, so that I can stay home. Sorry this is so long. Good luck!
  5. Mom2Two

    Mom2Two New Member

    I was dx with FM in January; finally! I am a stay at home mom (SAHM) with 2 small boys ages 3 and 5. I also have a 4400 sq house to clean. I tried for several months to do it myself, but failed miserably. When the house is messy I freak out and become anxious, which increases my pain. So I try to clean and totally overdo it and have an increase in my pain. It is a viscious cycle. A clean house would make me feel so much better. Anyway, for Christmas my dh "got" me a housekeeper for 6 months. 6 months? Well, we will just have to see how long I can stretch 6 months. LOL. Anyway, she only comes every other week (we cannot afford more) and it has helped tremendously. When I was doing it I couldn't do everything or actually much of anything and what I did do very quickly became dirty again which stressed me out and made me feel overwhelmed. When we lived in a 1750 sq ft house I felt overwhelmed by the amount of house to clean and how it increased my pain. I guess the grass is always greener, right?
    [This Message was Edited on 02/24/2003]
  6. Mom2Two

    Mom2Two New Member

    I forgot to mention anything about your partner. I would just be patient with him. I know it is difficult living with someone with this DD, but unfortunately that is how it is. If you can bring someone in to help the both of you out it might be a good thing for everyone concerned. JMO. Good luck to you both.
  7. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    I was diagnosed with FM in October of last year and work full time as an office manager and my hubby, Ronnie, has end stage renal disease and is on dialysis 3 X a week and he also works full time. I used to be one of those cleaning fanatics. Every Sat I would turn on my radio full blast and clean all day long. I love a clean house and get very stressed out if it isn't clean. But with our health problems things have definitely changed. I am in just too much pain and am just toooo tired to do that anymore. Usually weekends are for resting and sleeping so I can deal with another week at work. Occasionally I will have one of those "feel good" days and I clean like crazy even though I know I am gonna pay dearly. And I am learning to live with less than perfect.

    My method is to make a list on Sunday afternoon of the things I want to get done in the coming week and put it on the fridge. Then anytime during the week that I have the energy I do one or two of the chores and mark them off. I read an article once that making a list and marking things off made you feel more productive and it really does. I'll bet it would work for your hubby too. Just make a list of the things that you would like for him to do and then as he feels like doing them he can mark them off. It would make him feel like he's contributing and you could see that he's trying.

  8. kgg

    kgg New Member

    I had to lower my standards of how clean a house we lived in. I agree that when it gets bad the guilt piles on and that doesn't help emotinally. There were many days I could do nothing. Then other days that I could do a little. Then those days I did too much and paid for it. At the worst of it, we hired a teenager who came in once a week and vaccumed, etc for $10/hr. She'd stay about an hour and half. It was a boost to see it cleaner. It freed me up to do some non-taxing chores and the overall house was cleaner.

    I do know one thing. I used to be able to "pull myself up by the bootstraps" and get things done. I can't anymore. Maybe this is where your husband is at. Or is is time to tweak his meds so he is in a better place phsycially and mentally? Be patient.

    Lastly, you say that you are taking care of everything. That is very hard. Be sure to take care of yourself in the midst of shouldering all the work. Pamper yourself once in a while.