How d0 you answer "How are you?"

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lilaclover30, Feb 7, 2006.

  1. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    How do you answer your hubby, children, and friends when they ask "How are you?" Do they really want to know or are they trying to be polite!

    At church, I always say "Fine". My hubby swears that he knows when I am in pain but ---still asks that question and I give the same answer.

    I have FMS, osteoarthritis in my hands, wrists and feet that is so painful, and spinal stenosis in my lower back and in my neck.

    My 'coffee" friends don't even ask nor do my kids. Maybe they are tired of listening, i don't know.

    Gentle Hugs to all of you

  2. shan1078

    shan1078 New Member

    I usually say "don't know, still thinking about it". So, even if they are asking just to be polite, my answer gets their attention anyway.

    The looks on their faces do make me laugh.
  3. kch64

    kch64 New Member

    No one wants to hear my complaints, so I say, I'm O.K.

  4. laspis1

    laspis1 New Member

    I'm here. That ought to suffice. Since people do not really care to know, why get into it.
  5. Hinemoa

    Hinemoa New Member

    I usually grab the initiative and say, "And how are you?" or something similar. Most people are distracted and happy to talk about themselves. If not and they persist I figure they really want to know and are not just being polite so I give them the short version of how I am feeling.

    Works for me.

    By the way, my husband and kids can look at me now [after 30 years] and tell me when I've reached my limit.



  6. sdown

    sdown New Member

    Heard a good one the other day on the radio. Not quite ready for a dirt nap. Or "Not too bagged". I think if we approach our illness with some humour it won't scare off people as much. After being sick for 5 years Ive come to the realization that nobody gives a hoot to hear the problems. Everyone has there own problems. I have 2 friends I can talk about my illness with. Other people in my life I just say Im OK. Ive lost friends due to this illness as Im sure most of you have too. So its either grin and bear it and keep the few friends I have left or be very lonesome. So life goes and I try to make the best of it.
  7. nanna4550

    nanna4550 New Member

    At work and church I usually say "fine, thank you, and how are you?" If my friends ask how they can pray for me, I lately have said "for good sleep". I finally got my prescription for lunesta approved by the insurance co.
    Whoo-hoo!! It works pretty well for me as long as I never have anything with caffeine.
    My friends don't really ask, my kids don't ask, my husband just says "how was your day?"and I need to try to hold back on the complaining with him, he's just so sweet to me and I can run on about how bad I feel sometimes. He's gotta be tired of it.
    That's why this website is go great. We can empathise with eachother, compare symptoms, and actually be honest
    about how we feel, knowing that the other person knows exactly what we are going through.
    Hugs to you, too, Joan
  8. lauralea443

    lauralea443 New Member

    depends who's asking, if it's just friends or co-workers i said "ok" if it's a close friend I tell them the true, if it's a bad day or a good day

    guess you just have to look at who's asking.
  9. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    When someone asks me how I am, if I'm having a good day, I say "Today is a good day, thanks for asking". If I'm having a difficult day, I say "I'm having a rough time today, how sweet of you to ask" and quickly say "How are you today?".

    I find that if I feel pretty good there is no need to elaborate. If I'm not feeling well, people almost expect you to explain and I prefer not to, because once you start to explain, most people want to offer suggestions and cures. I quickly turn the conversation in their direction. Most people like to talk about themselves so it's never a problem to change the subject.
  10. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I usually say to people....AS WELL AS CAN BE EXPECTED.

    That usually works most of the time.

  11. marw

    marw New Member

    Hi there,

    I'm glad you posted this. I think I should take everyone's advice and chill about the truth when I am asked. I didn't do that and have some some really difficult relationship problems as a result.

    Part of the problem, however, is not just in answerin "how are you/" but because people get angry that I cannot do things all the time when they ask. Some even think I make this disease up. Even though I have provided these friends with literature on this, they don't want to read it. I think there is maybe nothing I can do about this, but is has made me extremely sad. Finding this Board has been a Godsend to me, so that I do not feel so alone.

  12. leomonkey

    leomonkey Member

    I thought there was so much truth in the postings. I experimented with not talking about my true status and then tried being honest. Other than two close friends, I would definitely concur with being brief and non-informative.
  13. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i am ok, let's talk about you.....

    i can go on forever about me...and people are happy to talk about themselves...usuallly..
  14. shep

    shep New Member

    This is an old saying my grandmother use to use.

    "I feel like I was "sent for" and "could not go and had to anyway."

  15. sarahann61

    sarahann61 New Member

    I really hate it , when someone ask, and if I go out in public, people do ask. I know ,they don't want to know, they are just passing by me . They are in a hurry, and do not have the time, it would take, to tell them.. I really hate to lie, but hate to complain ,and whine... So , I say pretty good, and I am the only one that knows ,what that means for me....

    It means at times:



    E.. Excruciating







    D........ don't ask

    Just a few of my feelings, at times, there are so many problems, and I know they really don't want to hear. They really think they are being kind, and thoughtful.. I really think ,I am doing them a favor, to just say,
    " Pretty Good"..............................

  16. leomonkey

    leomonkey Member


    Oh, that pretty good acronym with make it that much easier to say "pretty good" in the future.

    Thank you!
  17. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    "you really don't want to know" - "felt better" - "umm" ...

    It depends on my mood. I get so tired of the same thing, and I really hate that greeting, "how are you?" People don't really want a true answer when they ask that question. When I give them one of the answers above, they will sometimes look at me kinda funny, but what the heck! They did ask ...
  18. tandy

    tandy New Member

    Fair to partly cloudy~

    just being honest
  19. Mirabelle

    Mirabelle New Member

    I sometimes answer that questions with "I'll have to let you know - it's too soon to tell!" or "Still on the right side of the grass" which implies problems but doesn't complain. I love the piece from Amy about not having to be cheerful for everyone, and that true friends deserve honesty. I believe that if you are having a bad time, it's better to let people know that than let them think you are shirking, avoiding, snubbing, etc. More and more people know about fibromyalgia, and telling someone that's what's wrong can lead to a discussion of just what fibro is. I know what it's like to lose someone too because of the many issues this illness my case, it was a husband!
  20. sofy

    sofy New Member

    I always use humor cuz giving all the gory details only brings me down where if I give a flippant answer like "Upright" then I laugh and that is always an upper to laugh.

    No one can fix or change my health reality but to have them reach out is enough caring. The laughter is the best medicine for us all.

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