how do i cope?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Rubberducky, Oct 6, 2005.

  1. Rubberducky

    Rubberducky New Member

    i met a boy a few months ago and a week or so later i fell for him, we've now been going out 3months but im suddenly finding things very hard..
    He told me early on that he gets colds and bugs alot because he has ME or chronic immune fatigue.
    It was ok at first i just put up with not bein able to see him occasionaly coz he was ill in bed, but last week he nearly passed out and spent several days in bed and it upset me so much.
    He keeps it very much to himself and i mentioned this to him last night and he said he's not ready to let me into that part of his life yet. I undersand this, however i feel so awful when he's ill and i don't just want to be there for him, i want him to be there for me! I understand that this isnt a normal relationship and he doesn't like me to see him ill, but that means that he can be ill for as long as a week and i don't get to see him at all its like he pushes me away and hardly even talks to me and sometimes i just think why should a relationship be this hard, i mean im only young why should i have to deal with this?
    Thing is i think i love him and i don't want to loose him, can anyone help? how do explain this to him? how do i get him to open up? how can i be there for him? How can i make things easier for him and myself?
    would be very grategul for any advise
    xx
  2. lauralea443

    lauralea443 New Member

    this is a dificult one, you need to ask yourself how much you are really ready to invest into this relationship. This isn't like a broken leg that will mend in a few months, this may very well last all of his life.

    You cant stay will him because you feel sorry for him or want to help him you cant, but if you really do love him and want to build a long-time relationship you need to find out as much as possible about his illness. If not from him, then read up about it.

    All you can do is let him know that you are there for him and when he is ready to share you will be ready to listen. But, he may never be ready it's really hard for men to express what this illness does to them, well it's hard for all of us.

    You seem very bright, give it time you will know if this relationship is sometime to fight for or not.

    Best wishes
    Laura.
  3. Mareeok

    Mareeok New Member

    very careful here. This can be a big red flag waving in front of you. I agree to first research ME. See if his actions are different than the symptoms of ME. What he is showing may be signs of a mental disorder. I don't mean to sound cruel but I speak from horrible experience. It's fine if he needs to fight his fatigue alone but not fine if it's isolation tied into deeper problems.

    It's essential to find out now even though it will hurt your heart if it means ending the relationship. Stress is bad for you. Having to live with it because of a problem spouse is one of the worst kinds of stress.

    Please don't go any further until you know for sure what's going on. He may turn out to be wonderful but find out now before you make any commitments. Don't justify or make excuses for what you may see. Look honestly. It's easier to have him as a friend you can back away from when needed than to be tied in marriage.

    Heart hugs,
    Maree
    [This Message was Edited on 10/06/2005]
  4. Rubberducky

    Rubberducky New Member

    Thankyou so much everyone for your help.
    In reply to the last comment, i understand where you're coming from, but it is a condition that his Dad and siblings suffer from so i don't think a mental disorder is a factor, although being a psychology student i am aware of these things and mental health can be (in many varying degrees) a factor in anything.
    Im 17 and he's 18, so obviously it's not as if we're thinking about marriage or anything and im way too young to have any idea what love is. But i do know even though iv not known him long, i don't know what id do without him.
    More than anything i just want to know that he understands that it's hard for me and that i have my own problems, and although he may push me away at difficult times, i want him as close to me as possible especially when times are hard for me,
    so thanx very much and any further advise on generally getting the male of the species to understand would be great lol!