How Do I Handle AGING with FMS???? worried!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by backporchrags, Aug 14, 2005.

  1. backporchrags

    backporchrags New Member

    I have had this DD for many years. I am now 36 and feel as if I am 60. The constant pain and the limitations it causes weigh heavily on my mind and soul.
    I try to take good care of myself. I exercise and eat pretty well. I take suppliments and vitamins. I am as active as I can be.
    My biggest vice is smoking cigs. I tried to quit while pregnant to no avail. I am already on similar meds to the ones they give smokers to help them quit. I tried meditation, patches, gum, accupuncture, the whole bit but nothing has helped.
    Now... my doc says to quit smoking. I wonder why struggle so hard to quit. I don't think I want to live to a ripe old age. If my life at 36 years old is so hard to bare how will it be at 50? Will I have exhausted any and all pain meds and have nothing that works for me? Will I be a shut in incapeable of having one hurt free moment? It seems my future quality of life will be non existant. A life of pain, grief and constant financial struggle.
    Does anyone else worry about aging with FMS?
    Am I the only one to think why struggle so hard with stopping bad habits? I don't want to live to a ripe old age. This age is bad enough!
    Am I alone or is this you???
    thank you,
  2. jesfms

    jesfms New Member

    the secrets to aging with fibro is reducing stress, staying active as long as you can, and taking good care of yourself nutrionally...i am now 59 and have had this about 40 yrs..i've had good years and bad...
  3. HppeandMe

    HppeandMe New Member

    Hi there-

    I am 31 and already have hands that look like they are in their 60's due to this awful disease.My fingernails look horrible with al of the ridges. My face looks like I am close to 40 and my body definately feels like one I could imagine of a very old elderly woman.I can't exercise so my muscle is all turning to fat. I quit smoking 3 or 4 years before I got this mess. Now I wonder why not go back. I am worse off now than I was before I quit smoking. I am so lonely now and I feel like smoking was comforting.

    I pray this does not follow us into our elderly years. We have been through to much.

    You are not alone! Some how some way we need to keep our heads up. It is so easy to say but harder to do. If you need anything I am here.

    Much Love,
  4. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    You are a young woman. Now I'm 55, so I feel 80.

    You have your kids to keep you young and going. Just think if you didn't have the kids to keep you going, you would probably be like me and be more sedentary.

    I used to smoke for almost 20 years and I quit cold turkey back in 1986. I had chronic bronchitis and got tired of all the coughing and the doctor's bugging me all the time. I didn't want to quit, but I had to, so I guess that made it easier for me to do. I never *wanted* to quit smoking.

    I try not to think too far in the future, A, because it just stresses me out. Yeah, I do worry about not getting future pain meds, etc. But I'll just deal like I have the past 10 years.

    You are never alone, A. You are a beautiful person and I wish others knew you like I do to know what a wonderful woman you really are. You are not FMS, you are A.

    You are a great mother and wife and a wonderful friend. You are so many more things than that. So don't you or anyone else just think of yourself as an illness that has no cure.

    Yeah, well I'm not stopping my diet drinks and no one can say anything that will cause me to stop drinking 'em.

    Everybody and everything ages, there is no getting around that.

    I really hope before we really reach 70 years old there will be a cure for FMS/CFS. Be nice if they could find one for other illnesses like cancer and diabetes, etc.

    As far as wrinkles go, my face doesn't look bad because of genetics I got from my dad (he was Jewish) and I have tried to stay out of the sun as much as possible.

    If you don't want to quit smoking, A, then just tell the doctor's you don't want to.

    As far as the financial struggle goes many of us have to deal with that. It's just life and what can one do?

    Think of the good things A and all that you do have. We'll both age together. ;-)

  5. kbak

    kbak Member

    I'm 53. I told my mom I'm as old as dirt, and she ask me very indignantly, "so what does that make me?". I told her that it makes her, older than dirt!!

    I feel for you younger women. I didn't get this till I was 47. I had a very exciting active life. I miss that life so much. I can't imagine being in my 30"s, or worse in my 20"s, like I know a few are. Everyone one has to find their own ways to cope.

    I can understand having a hard time giving up cigarettes. I don't smoke, but I really enjoy a nice glass of wine. I can't do it very often because it does reek havoc wth the candida, but it's like, holy cow, I'm not giving up EVERYTHING!
  6. darude

    darude New Member

    I didn't come down with this until 52!!! Now 54 so had for two years. pripr to this I did have problems but did not stop me from having a full life. This has blind sided me and still am in shock about it all. My heart goes out to you youngsters and I pray us oldies will bring a cure for you.
  7. Denamay

    Denamay New Member

    Try not worry too much about the future.It tends to take care of its self.

    I am nearly 66 years old and am still giving it the good fight[most days].

    I have had fibro for about 30 years.

    In that time I have: gone back to school and earned a degree in social work, worked in the social work field for 15 years, I learned to drive a car, semi mastered this puter thing,gathered eight grandchildren, did a bit of traveling and other good things.

    Between down times life has been good.

    Remember that we can live only today. The pain of yesterday is gone and we can't add the pain of tomorrow.

    We only have to deal with today.

    I get discouraged sometimes too, but there are advantages to being older. People don't expect so much from you, the work load is easier and it is easier to say no.

    What I am trying to say is, there will be many good days and exciting happenings in the future.

    I know life can be hard with children [I have four], financial problems, work and relationship problems all take their toll on us.

    Old age for me is better than when I was in my 30's and tomorrow they might even come up with a cure for this nasty diease! Love Denmay
    [This Message was Edited on 08/14/2005]
    [This Message was Edited on 08/14/2005]
  8. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    And I have to add here......quit smoking to everyone who does smoke. It's bad for you and will age you faster than anything else, aside from the pain of this DD.

    I'm 60 and probably have had this since my 30's. After menopause at 40 it seemed to accelerate though.
  9. backporchrags

    backporchrags New Member

    for your wise and kind words. It helps to hear from older generations on this subject. If you guys can cope mabey there is hope for me yet.
    Cat, Wow... Thank You Very Much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Peppergirl: You would think that the logic of your response would be enough for me to quit. The doctors and therapists (and my own mind) have said these things for years. Funny how depression works, the right path is always marred by pot holes of self destruction.
    If nicotine addiction was taken as seriously as heroine addiction more people could quit. I will need a month in Betty Ford to quit. I am so completely addicted. While pregnant my OBGYN told me to keep it to 10 cigs a day because my blood pressure shot to dangerous heights.
    And frankly, I like to smoke, love it in fact. I smoked while having Walking Pneumonia, I smoked ( although much less) while pregnant. The first thing after giving birth I begged the nurse to take me outside so I could light up. Nice lady, she did.
    So why struggle with one more restriction? Is not living in chronic pain enough to deal with?
    I appreciate everyones opinion and thank you again for taking the time to respond.
    Hugs to all!
  10. elsa

    elsa New Member

    Hi .... First, I have to say I love your name. For as long as you and I have been posting, I don't think I ever mentioned that to you ... so original!! LOL

    O.K. ... Now some serious stuff. You and I are not far apart in age. AND ... we both smoke , God help us. I have actually rationalized my smoking exactly as you just did in times past.

    By saying I don't want to grow old and infirmed with this disease and what's so wrong with continuing my smoking since I don't want to be 80 and in horrible FM pain
    .... what I was really doing was rationalizing, or giving myself "permission" to continue an addiction.

    That is not uncommon behavior for people with addictions. You and I don't have a bad habit like nail biting. We have an addiction. Doesn't matter that the addiction is legal ... it is still as life controlling as heroine.

    Now, let's both look ( I say both, because it's good for me to remember this as well ) at what will happen if we continue with this line of thought. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT ... our FM/CFS symptoms are worse then others because we smoke. This is not psychology, it's science and very difficult to get around. The constricted blood vessels contribute to a whole host of our symptoms....

    O.K. - say we didn't stop smoking. We don't want to live to old age with FM. Statistically, we are not going to die from lung cancer early. Most lung cancer occurs at ages 60 and up. It is a slow, agonizing , painful and medical certainty that we will die from it within months of diagnoses. It's not an easy death .... our lungs will fill up and we will eventually drown in our on fluids.

    Look at this too. There is an unbelieveable amount of scientific research going on RIGHT THIS MINUTE on the where's and why's of CFS/FM. A treatment that makes quality of life GREAT for us maybe right around the corner.
    Not for us though ... We didn't want to grow old with FM/CFS.

    I so hope you don't feel I got my soap box out and started bashing you. We are in the same boat. I had this same thought process. It is not rational. It is our pitiful little ADDICTED brains giving us "permission" to continue our habits.

    If I had to look you in the eye, I would not be able to say with a straight face that "I really have tried to quit". I really have not ... with my whole heart. I have stopped every other bad habit you can name ... smoking is my last hold out. That's got to go too ... before it's too late. I have mental images of being diagnosed with lung cancer. I will KNOW I did it to myself sure as I pulled the trigger on a gun. How can I live with that?

    I want to thank you for posting this. You have made me see again that I need and am ready to quit smoking. When I am succesful, I'll give you all the credit for helping me along!! LOL

    Again, please do take this defensively. I am only a handful of years older ( sigh ... older ) then you. Not even in the insurance industry's definition of middle age yet! ( Oh so close however! LOL ) Please look at my post as the two of us together in this. Don't give up !!!

  11. naturebaby

    naturebaby New Member

    You know, I've been worrying about this lately too. I used to be a person who welcomed the future and in some ways I still am. I'm just so exhausted and fed up with being in pain all the time!!!! And as I posted not too long ago, I really feel I'm getting worse and not better. That's scary to contemplate if this trend continues.

    I'm holding out hope though. There are a lot of treatment options that I haven't tried yet. I did the home test for candida and sure enough, I need to start treating that yeast. I'm hoping this will alleviate some of the problems.

    Then there's the guai treatment option. And if I had the money or insurance, I would spend a lot more time at physio and at massage therapy, because I really got some benefits from both. It's just so darn expensive.

    So this fall, I am going to start tai chi, in the hopes that the gentle movements will keep me from seizing up, and the meditative aspects will promote healing as well.

    We must keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep our minds open to healing. Otherwise, I would go crazy, I think!

    Wishing you well, nature
  12. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    To be honest with you, I used to worry about aging with these DD's. But now I feel a bit differently. Let me explain:

    I've had these DD'c snce the 70's. That is 35 years. I am now 68, and I can still get along. My sympptoms have not progressed the way I thought they would. So, I figure, what's another 20 years or so? I'll probably feel pretty much the same, or maybe even better. So I don't worry, and I try to live one moment at a time, and get all the joy and peace I can get out of each.

    About the way I look ' Well, apart from getting fatter, I don't see any effect from these DD.s on my appearence. I think that is genetic,and what happens, would happeneven, even if we were healthy. Just the other day I went to a new Dr. and they asked me if I was over 55 (for Medicare ,you know) and they were genuinely surprised when I told them my age. That is genetic.

    So, the way I look at it, use all the wonderful beauty products you can, and enjoy each moment as much as you can. That is what I try to do. Sometimes I get low, and angry and frustrated, but then things get better.

    Good luck to you, and a big hug.

  13. petesdragon

    petesdragon New Member

    Have you ever watched someone die of cancer? It took my mother 2 years and my father 1 year. They never had the hope of a good day or a cure. I have had this DD for 12-15 years. I am 61 years old. I have a few good hours, a few good medicines, a few good friends, and hope for a cure. Most days I am not a happy camper but at least, I tell myself, I don't have cancer. My mother looked so bad at the end she wouldn't let anyone other than immediate family see her. We didn't bring this DD on ourselves by anything we did or didn't do. If smoking relaxes you or let's you rebel, take a tranq or moon someone. Sorry if this sounds cranky. It is not a good morning.
  14. tngirl

    tngirl New Member

    While I can relate to not caring if I live to be old because of the bad pain at the present--I have also watched those I love die of cancer and heart disease.

    Sometimes I also think, I just don't want to be this way the rest of my life. When its really bad I think if I didn't have my family, I'd just end it all. Thankfully those times pass, I am am not full of doom and gloom.

    My Mom said that smoking was one of the few pleasures she had left, and she did not give it up. She had to have bypass surgery and her aorta replaced, ended up having a massive stroke on both sides of her brain during surgery.

    My Mother in law had brain cancer and suffered terribly. She was a heavy smoker for years.

    A friend died of emphysema--he smoked even when on oxygen. Just turned the machine off and puffed away as long as he could.

    Smoking does not take you out quickly and painlessly, so you could just have added suffering to the FMS pain.

  15. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    I am not going to lecture you. Who am I to do that, but I will agree with a couple of others about the cancer and share some painful things with you in hopes that it will help. And let me say that I have heard people rationalize as you have about having to die anyway, might as well die from something I enjoy.

    Quitting smoking will not guarantee that you will not get cancer. That is a fact and I am sure you know the other facts about how fast the lungs heal, etc. On the other hand, continuing to smoke almost WILL guarantee that you will get lung cancer or emphazema (sp?).

    My step father brother died of lung cancer. He wasted away and die a most horrible death. Graphic, but true. Because of it, my mother quit smoking. She had smoked since she was 12 or so and this was in her 50s that she quit.

    I say it won't guarantee you won't get cancer, because although she quit smoking, she was diagnosed with colon cancer that had spread to her liver at 57 and died within 8 months.

    She was inches from death when she found out and was told she had 2 weeks to live. We sought chemo even though the doctor told us is was his belief that it would not cure her. God bless him for being willing to do it if we so desired regardless and for his honesty. There was no false hope that this would cure her, but we hoped all the same.

    I am glad to have had that time and I know she was too, but she wasted away from the chemo, she lost her hair, she vomited bile, she had incessant diahreah. She did have a short period of return to a semblance of health and even went back to work 1/2 days and they found a doctor that was willing to do radio ablatement as soon as the tumors shrunk a bit more.

    Unfortunately, the chemo stopped working before that happened and she died shortly after. I was 37 and might as well have been a child because I felt it just as actuely.

    My girls were 7 and 14. I feared above all things that my baby would forget her "Grandma Linda". She has not, praise God. But oh how we missed her.

    How my heart broke to hear my baby cry and say "I just want to see her so much" and I did too. I know we will be reunited some day in heaven, but earth was very hard for quite a time.

    Do I say this to gain your sympathy, yes because I know you have 2 young children whose tiny hearts would break if they had to lose you that way.

    Fibro is awful for you, I know, but it won't kill you and even though some say they wish it would, I know your babies are not one of them.

    If nothing else, think of how they love and need you and how you would not break their hearts or leave them for anything and I know you would not.

    I know you are down in the dumps right now and probably would not be saying alot of this if you were not. I pray that you will do what you need to get back up some.

    You know we are pulling for you like we had a bet on the outcome, honey! You are strong so I know you have to will to do it. Don't say you don't because I know you lost 20 pounds on South Beach, and I read the first stage and refused to even try it!!!

    We love you and we are here to support you all the way.

    You know I mean it too.

  16. Aberlaine

    Aberlaine Member

    I'm 60 years old, was diagnosed with this DD last summer, but know I've had the symptoms for at least 10 years.

    I know what everyone means when they say that they feel 10, 20 years older than they are. I figured, once I retired, I'd be hiking the Adirondack Trail and canoeing the local rivers. So much for those dreams. I just wake up each morning hoping I'm not in too much pain and that I can remember what I did yesterday.

    What gives me hope? Fibromyalgia has finally been recognized by many in the medical profession as a "real" and growing problem. Research is being done and drugs are being discovered frequently that will help us cope with our symptoms. I plan on living long enough to see that there's been a "cure" discovered.

    Until that day I "keep on keepin' on", doing whatever it takes to get the most quality out of my life as it is now.
  17. backporchrags

    backporchrags New Member

    watched loved ones waste away from cancers. My grandfather had Emphezema and throat cancer. My granmother, lung cancer, my opther, heart desease and a lung tumor. My best friends mom, lung cancer. I cleaned up after them, nursed them when needed and held mostly dead hands saying "it's okay". My step dad is an Oncologist and tells me the horror stories like I had never witnessed death before. I lost a friend in a shooting, held him till he died, it was extremely gory. So yes, I have seen people die from various illnesses and acts of violence.
    Does this help? No.
    Do my children make that difference? No, not really. By the time I am old with FMS and lung cancer they will probally be glad to see me go. Who want's an old cripple in constant pain hanging around. I will be just another burden for those I love, financially and mentally draining.

    And to say "take a tranq" or "try to relax" is offensive. I have an addiction as sinister as heroine. I take to many pills as it is, for pain and depression. I am already on antidepressents and they don't work very well for me. All of the smoking cessation drugs are lower doses of meds I am already on.
    Okay, I am in a stint of bad depression if you could not already tell. I am just so tired and can't face another struggle just yet, mabey never.
  18. poodlemommy

    poodlemommy New Member

    I too worried about that . I was diagnosed with fibro 6 years ago. I am now 50. I never felt better. a few years ago I looked and felt 80. I went to see a gyno and got on bio identical hormone creams a year ago and it changed everything. i feel way more energetic and look so much better. It also helped me to lose the weight I gained. It was a life saver. If you read some of my other posts you will see more details about it. I dont want to bore anyone with having to read the same thing. good luck
    hugs, poodlemum
  19. chazzsmom99

    chazzsmom99 New Member

    It's been a few days since I posted--i have been seriously depressed. I feel that I'm in the same boat as you are. I too smoked while preggers, try to eat well and keep happy thoughts. Well some days are a darn sight harder than others, and I really feel for you. I'm 40,almost 41, and the women in my family live to their mid 80's. When I'm really bummed, like I was yesterday, I do the math and want to cry. How can I go on another 40+ years? It's hard, and the only vice I have left is smoking. Heck, I'm not even worried anymore about becoming addicted to pain meds! (as if I'm not now). I can go on and on, and I'm sure you can too.

    Today I'm feeling some better--more physical pain, less emotional. I can't look at the future too closely, or I'll just end up crying and depressed again. I go day by day, watching my son grow, and thanking the Lord for him. I want to be there for him when he grows up--guess I'll be quitting smoking soon and hope for a cure someday. Smoking is a worse addiction than heroin--that's already been proven. But what I've been asking myself--who's stronger, the cigs or me?

    I hope you feel some better really soon--it's tough, and there's people here to vent to.

  20. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    Kickin' with this DD since I was about in my mid 20's. Someone's said that it's "good times" ... "bad times." That's exactly right.

    Much of it is up to you. Medicine can help some. I've taken Celexa (antidepressant) to help me get rest along with Neurontin and pain medication for quite a while. Still, it's the good and bad times.

    What is up to you is how you treat your body. I quit smoking a number of years back, and that helped me greatly. I also have to get rest and not try to overdo. It's hard when you are young to start having to act like you are older. I think that's what you are experiencing, I know the feeling.

    All I can say is that it is important for you to think about your body now and treat it well. Otherwise, it will become much worse as you age. I'm still struggling with this whole thing. With my genes, I'll probably live close to 100 (no kidding!), and I still want to be kickin' with this DD!

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