How do i help my bestfriend(has FM) from isolating???

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by PatchesofJade, Jul 7, 2006.

  1. PatchesofJade

    PatchesofJade New Member

    Since we became bestfriends i have tried my hardest to help her be motivated, to socialize, and be healthy mentally,and physically. It's like, what I say goes in one ear, and out the other! Hey I can understand in few aspects. I have a few mental illness, like Bipolar, and i am hypoglycemic and have PMDD. I can't understand in a lot of ways, but i try. She's my sis and i will always be her sister, and i will always support her! I ask for your help and support, so i can be more understanding, and supportive of her. Thanks a whole bunch!
  2. kriskwon

    kriskwon New Member

    Great answer!!
  3. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    bring stuff for dinner pre-made or to make together. Bring peanut butter sandwiches & go to the park, or for a short ride.

    Fibro nabs our energy--can you help her with housework, yard work, go grocery shopping or take her shopping?

    Can you organize a group of friends to come help with a big project?

    send her a card--even if she lives down the street--something fun in the mail is always nice. Even a online card is nice.

    I don't have a lot of friends, but I really wish someone would come help me once a week for even an hour with housework or laundry.

    Hope these ideas help.

    ***And, what a great friend you are to be asking about this dreadful disease






    [This Message was Edited on 07/07/2006]
  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Do you know why your sister wants to be isolated?

    Is it because of depression. I have been depressed most of my life. Depressed people often want to just stay in bed all day not see anyone, even when they know they should.

    Of is your sister's situation like Prickles described. Just to many problems with going out?

    Could be both, I suppose.

    Anyway, if you can find out the cause you may be able to suggest some things she would like to do. Or maybe she can suggest them and you can help arrange them. Is there any person she would especially like to visit?

    Good luck.
  5. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I wish you were my sister, what a darling you are. When people are so sick, I think its just nature instinct to isolate yourselves. Also like prickles said many people cut us off too so it goes both ways.

    Remember some people don`t even believe this disease is real. Its so hard to live with all that, its physically and mentally exhausting. We have little energy the way it is, we use what little we have just to get through the day.

    Just keep reaching out to her like you have been doing. Let her know you`ll always be there for her and never doubt her.

    Hugs,
    Sandy
  6. gerrijohnson315

    gerrijohnson315 New Member

    I think that one of the toughest things to hear all the time, as a person who has fibro, is being asked "how are you" my response is "do you want to know the truth?".

    One of the best things you can do for your friend is exactly what you are doing--you are there for her. Don't judge her for what the disease has done. This disease does a number on the mind and the body.

    Depending on the person--it is very hard for our pride as our disease progresses and we are able to less and less. If you stop by, unannounced, and see there is a pile of dishes in the sink. Ask her to come to the kitchen table and have a cup of coffee, while you're talking--just start doing the dishes. She might not be able to stand to do the dishes, that is why the pile is there. You are her best friend, you know how she usually likes to keep herself and her home. If you notice certain things changing, help in any way you can to keep it normal. If you notice she is really down on a specific day, ask her if it is because of a lot of pain or other things. If it is other things, you can just be her friend and listen. If it is pain, ask her what you can do to make it easier or offer to play cards or something very simple so it takes her mind off of the pain with very little excertion.

    ONE IMPORTANT THING---DON'T LET IT OVER BURDEN YOU!!! The worst thing to happen, is that you do so much for her that you burn out andyou stop visiting her. She will have a lot of guilt if that happens.

    People don't realize how badly we need our friends because this disease is terrible and we aren't always taken seriously.

    Remember Patience. If you plan to have a girl's night out and you go to pick her up and she isn't well enough to go out. Call the others and bring the party to her. Have fun right there.

    We don't like what this disease has taken from us and we don't like to admit it all the time--our friends know us the best--so watch out for us. If you know she has a couple other acquaintances/friends--call them up and everyone work together. That way no one is overwhelmed.

    It is wonderful that you are there for her. You are awesome, especially if you came onto this website to ask how to help her and yourself. You are a terrific friend!!!

    [This Message was Edited on 07/07/2006]
  7. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    It think it is admirable of you to want to help your sister (best friend). You want what you think is best for her and have tried to motivate her to socialize. Have you considered that maybe this is not what she needs right now? Of course I don't know what is best for your sister, but sometimes it is very difficult for us to socialize when we have FMS and/or CFIDS. Sometimes we grow from spending time alone, away from the "hustle and bustle" of everyday life. I recently posted a thread entitled
    "FMS/CFIDS - IN PRAISE OF SOLITUDE".

    If you think you might be interested in reading it, just type the title above and click on search.

    This article gives a new perspective on what can be gained from a little solitude.

    Just a thought.

    Lolalee
  8. rachel432

    rachel432 New Member

    getting the energy up to be social is one of the hardest things to do, at least fo me. what i have found helpful is to try to schedule things when that will be the only thing to do that day. also make it something that she needs to do, like going out to dinner, she need to eat, it doesn't take physical activity, and you can go in a big group so that takes some of the pressure off so if she isn't feeling her best she can just sit back anf listen.

    another thing is to encourage all of your friends to continue to put forth the effort to actually call and email her. she may not think to initiat the socialization but i'm sure that she would apprciate knowing that people haven't forgotten about her. the phone is great because you don't have to get out of your p.j.'s to talk on the phone. and email is the best because your friend can answer those at night when she has insomnia.

    i hope this helps.
    rachel

  9. PatchesofJade

    PatchesofJade New Member

    I will never ever leave her.She has other problems beside Fibromyalgia. She has a few mental illnesses, like Bipolar disorder. She is an amazing woman. Read my biography and u will understand me better.I don't remember all of ur questions.My dearest apologies. She likes alot of things. She does alot, and she's tough. Only issue I am aware is walking. We were trying to walk every day. Sometimes it was a bit hard. Now she goes to curves to excercise, which is walking laps. She's been skipping out on that too. It is the heat, but she is depressed to. Same here!*tears* We are more connected then u would ever know. Thanks!