How do you get excited about your life?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by lucy2create, Mar 20, 2009.

  1. lucy2create

    lucy2create New Member

    I watch Dr. PHil almost every day.I have heard him say I want you to get excited about your life.

    I am on disability.Just moved out of my home of 33 years,let the bank forclose on it. I have a 3 room apartment, with a lot of rules and regulations.

    I have a daughter that has been sick for years, she is married but still depends on me a lot.

    5 weeks ago i had my 2nd surgery on my back. 2 weeks after my surgery she fell and broke her right ankle,the 2 days later she fell again and broke her left wrist.She is now in a wheelchair.

    She came to my apartment and stayed 5 days,wheelchair,walker suitcase all in tow.I gave her my bed and slept on the couch.I just couldn't rest on that couch.She was supposed to stay for 2 days but stayed 5.With all she had and me, my caretaker it was just to much.

    I felt stiffled and we had to move every time she had to go potty,rearrange so she could get through.

    My house was auctioned off on the courthouse steps, and brought about 1/4th of what fair market price is.

    I had sold some land years ago financed it now the bank wants to attach the payments and get them instead of me, because my house didn't bring what I owed on it.Over 25,000.

    I get about 645.00 a month SSD-andSSI.

    When the add for the forclosure came out in the paper about 4,000.00 of stuff was stolen from my house.

    I borrowed the money against the house it eas to buy another property to put my business in.

    I had no Idea that both my parents would get ill at the same time with cancer and pass away. I was an only child and stayed with them until they both passed. Closed my business
    lost 30,000.00 1st year.

    Then had all these surgeries, couldn't get SSD for 2 years.

    Every month I had to sell someting out of my house to pay house payments and insurance.

    I guess I sound like a big whiner here. I just need to get it all out. Suggestions?

    I request prayer for wisdom,courage, and knowledge and for God's will to be done in my life. Lucy2
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I have never watched Dr Phil or Oprah. Maybe what he said was that he was excited about his
    life. I would be too if I were successful and rich. You gotta give credit to a fat man who can
    sell diet books.

    Just looked him up on Wikipedia. Says he is no longer licensed to practice. He is a psychologist,
    not a medical doctor.

    I doubt that anybody on the board is too excited with their lives. Now that I'm retired I've given
    the matter a lot of thought. My not too surprising conclusion is that success in life is a matter of

    Hope things turn around for you.


  3. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Dr. Phil is a publicity hound on TV and he can't give you help during this. Maybe what I say now might not make much sense right now, but think about it and maybe later it will. I believe that our lives don't stay the same and change throughout our lives due to various factors and we end up having to adjust and change with them.

    When I became disabled (in the blink of an eye) I went from walking, running, working, fully supporting my mom (which would prove to be a huge mistake) to being in the hospital for a week, being released permanently mobility disabled and losing my job and no one else would hire me. My life had changed and I was going to have to learn to adapt.

    If that wasn't enough, I then went through a significant trauma with my mom as she delved deep into violent dementia and it changed my life again. I had to get help to allow me to survive.

    I feel almost like a cat with several lives because I went from a life of non-disability into one with permanent mobility disabled with no job. So my life changed and I needed to adapt and change with it. I adapted slowly over time.

    But every day I make it a point of finding the things I am grateful for--I am so grateful that when I was in the hospital and was paralyzed from just below the chest down to my toes that the paralysis stopped after 3 days. So my being in an electric scooter now isn't anywhere near as bad as having that paralysis. So I consider myself very fortunate on that and I'm very grateful. I'd rather be in an electric scooter than have the paralysis and without family (my mom went into violent dementia and had to be removed from my home and our verbal agreement that I would support her fully financially forever, but she would help out financially if anything happened, well Mom refused to help financially and left very well off financially because I had paid everything while she had saved her money). So if I had been paralyzed, I would have gone to a nursing home for the rest of my life. I'm grateful that didn't happen and I'm grateful authorities stepped in and got Mom out of my place.

    Waiting on Social Security Disability, I had to rent a room on the sly in my place trying to make ends meet. SSD did finally come through and I am so grateful to that and eventually I did get the Medicare to get medical treatment. I joined an HMO and at least I can get some medical treatment for free and some prescriptions now for free. At this point I am grateful for that SSD as it is my only income--otherwise I would be without a roof over my head, homeless and on the streets.

    As to your daughter, just a suggestion but in the future if you have surgery and she breaks an ankle or whatever, tell her stay home with her husband. You're so nice, but you are disabled and home from surgery and she didn't need to come to your home. You needed peace, quiet and your bed to recouperate--she really didn't need to be at your place and taking your bed.

    I am so happy you have an apartment and are not homeless. That is something to be grateful for. I am in a Co-op and they have many more rules and restrictions, but it keeps it nice and keeps it more calm and quiet in here and I don't have neighbors blaring music at 3:00 in the morning (like I did elsewhere and had to call the police). So rules and restrictions can make the grounds prettier, keep people out that make trouble, and help to give you peace and quiet to live.

    So much has happened to you, that your life has totally changed. But I pray in the morning and give thanks for the positive things that have happened and I ask for guidance in the other areas. But DON'T GIVE UP.

    Please go to to see if you are entitled to any state or federal assistance or programs and if you are, please go and apply for them. Don't let pride or anything stand in your way--apply for any programs you are eligible for.

    Good luck and many hugs.

  4. lucy2create

    lucy2create New Member

    I thank you so much for your words of wisdow and hope. I guess I sounded so whiney. I am so grateful for so many things.

    Thanks so much for your prayers, I really need them.

    Sometimes I get so bogged down I just can't think straight.I didn't mention that my daughter has been sick sice 18, now has a petituary tumor, carple tunnell in both wrists and an artiary disease in her legs.Has been to court 2 times with a lawyer and turned down for SSD.

    My husband and I also got a divorce when he came home from active duty Iraq for a year. it was my fault.

    I am sorry for that discision every day of my life.He was called to active duty while all this was going on with my parents.

    It seems like every decision I have made has been a bad one.

    Rocky I will open these letters on Sunday I promise. I just can't sleep with so much information going on in my head.

    I also have a son, he has so much going on in his family, he is not much help. He did help me unload a truck of my belongings from my house last week.

    The bank told me to get my stuff out or it would go to the garbage dump. All the materials from my closed business about 5,400.00 was still in my studio.I got most of that.

    I had bought tin ceiling tiles for my house I had 2 rooms done,and enough to do 2 more rooms, someone stold those.
    I had bought them years ago and always thought it would be in my home.

    It was built in 1976 ,our daughter became sick and I was never able to do the house as I wanted to. To many medical bills.

    Well, I feel like I make excuses for my bad decisions and maybe I do. My mind could only deal with so much.

    I have a friend a the apartment complex that told me she didn't see how I kept things going as long as I did.She said the decisions may look like bad ones but could turn out to be to my benefit.

    I just know I can't turn it around buy myself, only God can.
  5. lucy2create

    lucy2create New Member

    I used to talk to and always valued your responces.Thank you so much. I haven't been around for a while as I have moved into an apartment.

    Couldn't afford internet for a while.

    I still love your sence of humor.I haven't looked at Gordon's flower picture yet but plan too. SMILE! Great to be back.
  6. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I left out a point in my post about Dr. PHil. Another reason he can be excited about his life is that
    he's healthy (so far as I know).

    You are the second poster I've read this morning to say that she used to be here. And I had an
    e mail via Youtube recently from someone who used to chat with me here.

    But I probably wouldn't remember much even if the old poster name were being used. Am in stage 3 of Alzheimer's, and my mind is pretty fuzzy these days.

    One thing I've learned about ALZ. It's not just short term memory that it effects. Things I've
    known for decades (like who wrote Exodus or the name of my 6th grade teacher) have faded
    away. Sometimes they pop into my head a day or two after I was trying to recall them.

    Anyway, I am retired now and have spent a lot of time looking back. I think my life can be
    summed up as bad health and bad luck. There were some bad decisions too, but it helps
    to categorize the decisions.

    No problem with making a choice in the present. I want this movie, this flavor, this pair of
    shoes, etc. The real problem is the decision that requires us to predict the future. Since predicting
    is pretty hard to do, it is inescapable that some decisions will turn out badly.

    How did we know the crops wouldn't get rain that summer? Or that our spouse would become an addict?
    Or that the company would go broke? Or that the money would be embezzled? Or that a drunk
    driver would etc.......

    Anway good to see you back. Smiling out loud.

  7. Didoe

    Didoe New Member

    Your life and words really hit me IS like living many lives within a lifetime, some inflicted on us and adapted to for survival, some chosen only to find that identity wasnt the right fit.
    I was raised to believe that G-d only gives us what He knows we can handle, so if we're given the 'mountains' to carry, it must be because we can....when I read your opening words, I thought how amazing that someone isnt writing pablum about 'you can have the life you want, think it, believe it, and its yours. That in my line of belief is blasphemous and even if you're not religious, its wishful thinking. Very little in most lives is from sheer hard work, so much is luck, where you are in any moment, and for some, the cards you're dealt.

    My prayers always ask just please keep me healthy and able to work, so that I dont have to depend on someone for bread or shelter...I see those tv preachers yelling to hundreds of people sitting, nodding as he tells them, ask for the sky, He can do anything, give anything, its yours for the asking...ask you shall receive. But their shows a;ways close offering to pray for anyone for a small gift, just call this number and we'll send this pamphlet and you be supoprting out great outreach in Tanznaia where we feed millions of starving etc etc etc.

    In short, our personal misery, grief, never more or less than anyone can only be measured against our own past and present...Lucy2's story, your story...many other here are remarkable in that you find the strength to speak out, share, ask for help, question why...and try to go on day after day. Its a lesson and a way of thinking I've yet to learn and struggle with daily. G-d bless you and give you strength, your a teacher for me and probably so many other here.
  8. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    I have seen people post on boards that they tragically lost a relative to a long and nasty battle with throat cancer (had to have their tongue cut out too) and someone will post their sympathy and say "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Although they probably meant it in a well-meaning way, personally, I believe the person who who made that comment should have to say it in person so that if the grieving relative wants to punch them in the face, then it's their option. Saying that phrase really doesn't reassure people during times of loss. And it certainly doesn't reassure the Dad who lost his wife and kids in a tragic car accident caused by a drunk driver.

    If you think about it, some things ARE too much to handle and is evidenced by some that commit suicide. Also it's why some couples who have been married all their lives have one of them die, followed shortly by the other one dying--they lose the will to live without each other.

    So maybe the phrase "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" should be retired for a kinder and gentler phrase like "I'm so very sorry for your loss."
    [This Message was Edited on 03/22/2009]
  9. Sacajawea2

    Sacajawea2 Member

    Lucy-- so glad you opened up here...what a great place to get understanding and help. I've been through a lot and look around here on this board, or in my own life and see it's hard for many of us...even healthy people.

    Didoe, I've read some of your posts and feel at a loss, but know I admire your fight despite the obstacles. My children are still young and at home but it's been a long fight for me to have a happy life despite everything falling apart. I do have friends nearby and that makes it easier, but there has to be a fight within you, and I see it in you.

    I saw what you wrote about G-d (out of respect for you, I'll write it that way) and being raised to believe G-d gives us these things...I was not raised to believe it exactly in that light. I believe he does not GIVE us these things, but allows us to deal with them, which is a bit different...he didn't give me a bad husband or my diseases...he only gives good gifts. I don't know if that makes sense, but either way, we can see many of us struggle with mountain like obstacles, of which is common to many here and all over. So he doesn't give the disease, etc, but can help us deal with it...I found myself in a difficult situation (impossible in my eyes to fight this time around) and yet, I keep figuring out tools, people, mircacles..whatever you want to call it, that show me it's not time to throw in the towel.

    If this makes too little sense, I'l edit later...gotta get out of here and ride my new scooter to the courthouse (well, we'll drive there first!).

    Lucy you were so brave to open up about this and get some good advice, and to know you aren't alone, not by any means...and no, don't always have to be excited about your life, lol...but we can find small ways to increase joy despite obstacles...I had to change my name on here recently and even that is working out...

    PS change of plans, scooter to the courthouse tomorrow![This Message was Edited on 03/23/2009]
  10. Didoe

    Didoe New Member

    I agree...but you know religious dogma and rhetoric remains what it is. For those of us, in any faith, raised with such stuff pounded into us, common sense and sensitivity is not always foremost...but I hear ya.
  11. Wow bless your heart, you have alot on your plate. TOO MUCH! I do hope things improve for you.

    I often think of those, dr. phil, oprah tell us to feel good, enjoy life but if your in pain constantly, I have fibro its hard to lift yourself up. Plus they can go to the best drs, live the good life, they couldn't understand how us reg. folks live.

    I too have heard God only gives us what we can handle , but boy I don't want all this either. I can't believe God would give us all this. jmo

    Good luck to you and your family. I wish there was some words of wisdon I could say to help u.
  12. sorekitty

    sorekitty New Member

    I can hear him saying that phrase in my mind. It does sound quiet funny when people have a lot of difficult things thrown at them one right after the other.

    I feel for you. You have been through the ringer. My family has as well. We keep waiting for a break but it just keeps coming at us. My husband says we are on a hamster wheel and can't get off!!! It feels like it (lol).

    So the only thing that I can say helps me is:

    To remember all that we do have and be so very thankful. Not like I think like this all the time but I remind myself to. We have two family members of my husbands who have offered us to live in their home if we run into serious problems. Now that is incredible.

    I can sit in the sun in my patio, see a beautiful view while eating lunch. I DO stop and smell the roses. Just yesturday I bent down to smell a beautiful rose that was planted by my late FIL (He passed away 2 weeks ago or so). It smelled incredible.

    I get very down, depressed and negative but just keep moving forward. It IS hard . . .life I mean.

    best to you!