How do you get over this lonliness-and make new friends? Feeling Useless

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by DoveL, Feb 26, 2010.

  1. DoveL

    DoveL Member

    Hello everyone,

    I am feeling very lonely and isolated from CFS/FMS. I got sick 10 years ago, and although my CFS has improved, my life has not.(FMS is worse now) I feel so stuck, while everyone is moving on. I also feel so stuck mentally in my past and my social life that I used to have, and all of the money I used to make. Life was very good! Anywhere I would go in my town or around, I would know so many people, and was so well liked, and had lots of friends. After I got ill, I had to relocate to another state(where I grew up). I lost contact with everyone, even friends that I had for over 10 years(from both states). Guess in the beginning I was so ill and bedridden for years, and depressed, they all 'cut me off'. It is so hard to 'move foward' with not much money, and not working, and limited health. I have been able to work a few times part time, then was laid off from my job. (and cannot find another part time job that suits my hours for this illness, due to this horrible economy) I did manage to make one friend at my last job that I still talk to. I also tried to apply for volunteer work, but so many places don't need help and have enough volunteers (I guess because of the economy too) I want to be social, but am stuck. I am 41. Where do I begin to 'make a life' being limited?? I have no family here, except for one sister, who is alway busy with her family (which I understand!!) My life has basically been the same for 10 years!! What does my future hold? How to I 'move foward'?? Any suggestions. The lonliness is too much. When someone asks me 'what is new'?? It is embarrasing that I always have nothing to say back!!

    I try to be a very positive person, and don't talk about my CFS/FMS to people I meet. I find myself limited to conversation though, as I am not too involved with doing things (movies and books mostly)

    I recently started going to a CFS/FMS support group that meets once a month (I went 3 times), but found it kind of depressing, and have not made any new friends there. I feel like that my social skills are not so good from being alone alot. I do have a boyfriend, which I am so lucky and thankful to have, but he works away from home alot. I need a life.

    Any suggestions on how to meet people and start over with this illness??? If I had alot of money, life would be so much easier, and I could be more active and social.

    Thanks for the vent, any suggestions would be appreciated.

  2. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    Mostly the same situation here, minus the boyfriend. I had to move out of the state I grew up in, almost fifteen years ago. Once I moved here, I had no more contact with my friends. And really in all these years, I've hardly met anyone to be friends with. Too sick work, too sick to join stuff, way out of money. Most people meet people at work or church or some other social event. I can't do any of that. Really makes it almost impossible to meet anyone. I've had more of a social life on the internet than the real world. And I'm forty years old, so about your age. I'm at the point in my life where I'm tired of not doing things in the real world. I want to be out doing stuff. But I'm too sick to live, so basically stuck in here being miserable lately. And on days when I feel not so sick, I have no money to be going anywhere, plus, I don't want to go alone. It just really and totally sux.
  3. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    I love you idea for grouping together and living in a community for people with fibro/cfs...i had thought about that before since I have a daughter with a disability and they have group homes for people like her so why not have the same idea for us? it would totally help us to find friends and we could pool our resources....

    i am married and my husband is 12 years older than me...i wonder what I will do if he dies young and I live long....ugh...i would totally love to live in a community with other "sickies"....I think this idea will take off!
  4. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I wish every day my apartment building was CFIDS/ME/Fibro friendly and full of only patients like us. I'm miserable with the people in here. None of them have it. They don't understand. Alot of them have their own things, but most of them are a thousand times healthier than we are. They go out every day and have full social lives. They aren't MCS. They don't understand at all. I would love to be in a building with just people like us.
  5. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member

    i am totally in the same boat. most friends have stopped calling because there is simply nothing to talk about. i am a shut in and cannot talk about the usual stuff. there is just nothing for me to say to them.

    i was hoping i might meet people with CFS and that we would keep in touch even after we got well (if we got well) but i have found it doesnt work out that way. when illness is the thing that brought you together you often find you dont have much in common to sustain a friendship, especially when you live far apart.

  6. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    An apartment building just for CFIDS/ME/MCS/Fibro. Everyone gets their own apartment, like with cheap public housing. What I wouldn't give to have that, a building with people just like me. And made for us MCS people. No heavy chemicals to clean the building, treated for mold. We need this kind of housing so badly.
  7. nah.stacey

    nah.stacey Member

    If the DD keeps going like it usually does, you'll be too sick most of the time to care. And the few times you do feel like talking you won't have the energy to do it and you'll be glad no one is around so you can take a nap.

    Dear Dove,
    truly just kidding for you, for me this is the way it is. The other times I just cry for the loss.
    How is that for an uplifting talk.
    Truly, the only people I talk to are the ones on this board. Not only do they not really have anything to talk about but this illness, but there are never those uncomfortable silences where you just sit around and stare at each other, that's very boring.
    The best thread you can pull on here is to ask us to tell you about our past lives. When we were real people ie. had a job, knew how to tell a joke, knew who the person in the mirror was.

    Good luck with your quest.
  8. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    These DDs take so much away. Our health, job, friends, activities, self-esteem.
    My social life is primarily this board.

    Sometimes I play cards on the net, but I have Alzheimer's now so kinda hard to
    remember the cards.

    I do go to a 12 step meeting when I can. Emotions Anonymous. You can look on line
    for the headquarters and see if there are meetings near you. Members often socialize
    by going for coffee or lunch before or after a meeting.

    Somebody posted the suggestion for those healthy enough. Walk a dog for an
    animal shelter. Perhaps can arrange to walk w/ others.

    Did you say you read? We used to have a book club on the Chit chat board. Read
    and discussed a book each month. People suggested books and then voted. It was
    run by Ken from New Mexico, but his health deteriorated so he's not up to it right now.
    Would you like to start up the book club? I could help you.

    Hope you can find something.


  9. Achyten

    Achyten New Member

    Hi aussiewoman,,, just came across your post, and noticed where you live. I had no idea that you lived even in Alberta.. it seems most members no matter where I go,, and sites I belong to are all from the states.. now thats not a bad thing,, but I get so excited when I see an Albertan,, and not that far from me.. We use to live there,,on the east side of the highway on a 10 acre piece of land,, had horses,,cause hubby was into Rodeos at that time,,but have moved to Spruce Grove since.. We or I go to Calgary sometimes,, have family there.

    I jusst had to write you this little note,,,to tell you how close we are to each other.. I don't know about you, if you get excited when you find someone who is not far from you, I guess its the friendship I lack,,and love to keep in touch,,especially fibromites.

    Hope you don't mindd me sending this to you,,,but wouldn't it be nice to keep in touch?
    I think

    Hugssss, Achyten ( Jennie)
  10. yucca133

    yucca133 Member

    I've been affected by Fibro, DDD, RSD, arthritis, migraine headaches and many rheumatism type problems for many years. The pain is the main reason that I don't dare to plan to do many outings in advance. I never know, like most of you, how I am going to feel. Just going to the doctor - a trip I have to make today, which takes 45 minutes one way, is a big event in my life! Once I am ready and on the road, I'm ok, but the anticipation of it, takes it's toll.

    I never made many friends when my kids were with me because I considered them friends Five years ago two of them cut me out of their lives. One of the reasons that they gave was: "you want everyone to feel sorry for you." I guess you shouldn't even try to explain to your family how awful fibro, etc. can be sometimes. I have learned that no one is going to understand except people who have experienced all of the effects that fibro has on one's life.

    I read once that the Internet is similar to the 'campfire' of olden days where people sit around and tell their stories. I like to think of 'talking' with people on the Internet that way. Also, we don't see each other and don't have to be concerned if we didn't comb our hair or are wearing attractive clothes!! I find it a great comfort to know that there are people here that can empathize and won't judge if I complain.
    So, please don't feel alone, Dove and others, many of us feel the same way you do, and at least we are here for each other. Val
  11. crickett

    crickett New Member

    My social life is my computer and my dogs. My husband does not understand what we go thru he tries to . All my friends have desserted me. I feel so bad that my big adventures are the health food store and to the chiropractor. My mom has to go with me or i would not even go to the chiropractor my vision messes up on me so i do not feel comfortable to drive into town for fear of a panic attack. I pray so hard for a cure.
    thanks crickett