How do you guys do it? Feeling like you exsist in life???

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by JestDreamin, Mar 1, 2003.

  1. JestDreamin

    JestDreamin New Member

    Hello to all. I am new to this site and this is my first post. I totally understand and feel what everyone goes thru.

    My question is, when do you start feeling like you belong in life again? I am just exsisting with pain and fatigue and 100 other symptoms. I feel like a piece of worthless crap. How do you start to overcome the "can't do anything cuz it hurts or I'm tired, or I can't walk that far and letting people down all the time"? It hurts sooo bad when I try to excersise. I cannot go out for a period of time. I cannot do ALOT of what I enjoyed anymore. I just exsist. I cannot take it anymore.

    I am on disability. I just don't know how to get to do excersises or to get into a daily routine or to be able to sleep to be normal again. I feel that just sitting around alot, stuck in the house as I watch my husband go out into the world that I am cut off from. I cannot get out of this rut. Not excersising has got to be important for me not to just sit around and rot, right? I wander what is going to happen to me by the time 5 years rolls around. (and it's been about 4 since I last worked) Am I going to be even more dabilitated and even cut off to the outside world more? I would just die. I am having such a hard time dealing with where my life is going (or not going) right now. I'm am soooooo scared. Please help if you can help me with ANYTHING, I am sooooo desperate at this point.

    Thanks for listening and I appreciate all your posts. I have really learned alot here at the message boards, they rock!!! Can't wait to get some advice..........
    Gentle Hugs,
    Gina :)
  2. KimAB

    KimAB New Member


    Do you have any pets ? Or plants ? I think of plants like a lower life form pet... They don't give you love exactly but they make better air for you to breathe and look pretty when you look after them.

    I know that sounds stupid but you can tell animals anything and they STILL love you.

    Being in pain all the time REALLY sucks and if it weren't for my 4 kids I don't know how I would do it.

    You really need to find something to care about that will get you out of bed every morning and make you feel loved, appreciated and valuable to the world. Everyone needs that - not just people with chronic illness !

  3. nitalynn

    nitalynn New Member

    If I were in your position I think I would start off by going for a walk every day. Just a thought.
  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    A therapist told me once that sometimes it's OK to just survive. Most of us were overachievers and perhaps the most difficult thing about our illnesses is accepting that we can no longer run at the pace we used to.

    First, a practical suggestion. Get your doc to send you to physical therapy. We cannot initially do typical exercises. The stretching and flexing exercises help with pain, keep muscles toned, maintain flexibility, and can mostly be done even while lying in bed. Get pain meds if you need them for doing even these gently exercises. You can go on to gently Yoga and Tai Chi or just short walks. At some point, you will probably be able to do more vigorous exercise, but the idea is to never push yourself to the point that you get a setback. This is a slow process and requires patience. Treat your worst symptom first and then move on to the second-worst symptom.

    Second, a spiritual suggestion. There is a reason for everything. We must learn to accept that as horrible as our illnesses are, there is a reason for them. We are not the only ones suffering from chronic illnesses. The sweet man downstairs from me has lost both legs to Diabetes and he is on dialysis. Yet, he maintains a magnificent attitude.

    When we turn our focus on ourselves and our misery, it just makes matters worse. Keep a gratitude journal and find five simple things to be thankful for every day. Many of us do not have working spouses and suffer from financial problems of horrific magnitudes. Many of us are trying to raise small children and help them cope with our illnesses. Many of us have friends, family, and employers who are abusive to us because of our illnesses.

    I find something to be thankful for every day. Two years ago, I was where you are. I am hoping to return to work at least part time this summer. I have both FMS and CFS, so fatigue is still a problem for me, but I am working on that as well as on my cognitive problems. I still look for simple things for which to be thankful: A beautiful sunset, the wonderful weather here in Florida, a gorgeous bird fishing for his supper in the pond behind my condo, my supportive family, my caring and loving neighbors, etc.

    Sweetie, I know how discouraging this can be. It will take everything you have to fight for your health, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Dig down deep and find that strength which allowed you to achieve in your pre-illness days. It's still there; trust me. My Mom always told me that God never closes one door without opening another. It's true.

    Love, Mikie
  5. Achy-shaky

    Achy-shaky New Member

    Welcome Gina,
    I feel your pain and want to pass on my mom's best advice...taking it a day at a time works for any chronic disease or other overwhelming challenges. You will drive yourself nuts dwelling on what may come or not come.

    I know how those ruts are and also know how important it is to have someone you can talk to about it. Do you have a fellow fibro friend? I know this support group will help tremendously but there are days you can't even get online and those days you need a friend to call.

    Also I find that one of the best things to get you going is a short walk in the sunlight. Not sure how the weather is there but when it's not too cold and the sun is out, go out for just 10-15 minutes, even if you can't walk far, go as far as you can or just sit in the sun - it's a proven fact that the sunlight will help relieve depression.

    A way to exercise when it really hurts to even stretch is to do it in the shower. I do certain stretches that I can't do unless I have the heat to warm up the muscles first.

    Most important, if your doctor won't give you better pain meds, find someone who will or a pain clinic. You have to at least get the edge off in order to do anything.

    Hope these tips will help you know that you are not alone!

    Butterfly Blessings to you.
    (my way of saying I'm asking my special angels/butterflies to send you blessings to help you make it through today)
    Soft Hugs,
  6. pamela

    pamela New Member

    All these reply posts before mine are so right. Please read them again and again as that is what I had to do. Make yourself little notes in a diary and start with one or two goals each day. If you can't do two just one and do that goal. Each day or week when you feel you can add one more ...add it. Then try to do it. I promise when you start reaching those little goals you will feel so much better about your condition. The only thing that saved me is my pain meds and my little goals. The pain meds take that edge off and the little goals make me feel worth something. If you don't have access to pain meds then go to a Pain Mgt. Clinic or a doctor and get some!!! It makes the world of a difference for people like us. (((HUGS))) Pamela
  7. margaret01

    margaret01 New Member

    We exist because we choose to. There are days when I feel like "what's the use". Then I list the reasons why I need to be here. I have a small little dog names "Sophie". she's truly my heart. They know when you feel so bad and they love you that much more. I have a cat names "Prissy" and the same applies. when I don't feel good they want to be right with me. I talk to them like they understand and there are times that I think they do. I exercise. I take Sophie out for a little walk somethimes 4 times a day. I use me exercise bike and my treadmill. Both of these cost me little since I bought just the basic ones. I don't understand the ones with all the monitors on them so why get them. Please, Please know that you are a valuable person. And never forget that God is there to talk to you whenever you want. And we are here.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/02/2003]
  8. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    I was going to offer some sort of
    solution, but I need one myself I
    guess. At least I can empathize with
    you! Hugs, Bambi
  9. Jaci_Lynn

    Jaci_Lynn New Member

    This is my first post here and I'm new too. However, I've been lurking/reading this board for a while now and learning a lot.

    To answer your question: My question is, when do you start feeling like you belong in life again?

    It took me a while to get my head together after I really started hurting. I tended to stay home a lot and closed myself off from friends/family and I gained a lot of weight and was depressed and unhappy with how things were turning out.

    I decided I had to change and I exercise daily now, I've lost a lot of weight over the past year, I eat healthy, I go out shopping a couple of times a week and see family/friends regularly. Now, it's not always easy and I have to force myself some days to get up and get moving, but I am so much happier now that I am getting out more.

    I still have bad days and will feel sorry for myself and cry, but then I remind myself how much I have to be thankful for and I keep on fighting.

    I hope you find yourself feeling better and stronger soon and I hope you're able to see all of wonderful things you have around you to be thankful for.

  10. Bellesmom

    Bellesmom New Member

    I am at the almost 3-year point in this syndrome (CFIDS and Fibro) and I think I used to believe I would wake up one day and everything would be okay.

    Reality sets in and so you have to seriously read, word-for-word, what some of the people here say who are surviving after years of "it." There are good hints here and there.

    I am nearly housebound just because I am so tired and hurt so bad that it is easier to stay at home. If I travel in a car very far I just feel nauseous and worn out, so visiting and participating in meetings, etc., is not an option for me at the moment.

    I get most of my social life thru occasionally visiting this website (I also don't use computer much as it's very difficult for me to sit up) and the E-mails that a few people still send me. I especially like it when folks send me pictures since most of the people I know are doing fine and having a life.

    I enjoy Home and Garden TV. Can't read anymore - it's too difficult to concentrate. I have animals that keep me company or I would go nuts.

    I don't think anyone who does not have a chronic illness can understand what we're going thru but, then, why should they have to be dragged down with what we are going thru? I have a fairly supportive family - I see their helplessness to do much about my situation but then I am not real high profile about what bothers me, either. I always feel there is someone much worse off than myself so I try to be as positive as I can. I do trust the Lord and, fortunately, have not been bothered with depression for most of this illness.

    Interestingly, I did have depression sometimes BEFORE getting sick but I am determined not to add that to my long list of aggravations. As I said, fortunately for me, that is not one of my problems. I'm sure if it was I'd have better luck getting my disability claim approved!
    I do shed a lot of tears about every three or four months but then I feel better afterwards (not physically, but emotionally) and then try to keep going. I love reading about the successes of others. My former boss is getting acupuncture treatments and she seems to be having some success at that (she has several diagnoses). Hearing about that makes me feel better somehow, inside.

    So don't give up - we're all in this together, trying to find answers.

  11. Debgene56

    Debgene56 New Member

    I am just like you, feeling like I am just existing, not contributing any thing to life. This site has already helped me a great deal in the mental part. Cause the one thing we all need is support. I have a old, fat beautiful arithic golden retriever and I watch her suffer. She hears me moan at times and she starts going arooooooooo, over and over till I break my cycle and go pat her. That is really empathy. Sometimes I feel so bad I just want to ignore her but she breaks thru my barrier she is very persistant. I agree with the little steps or goals, and I have to make some for myself. Good luck to you breaking out of the mode. Hugs, Deb