How do you handle abuse with intent to harm?

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Elisa, Dec 14, 2008.

  1. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Hi all,

    I have posted about my family members, sister (and her boyfriend) and Mother, that are abusive.

    I am going to find a counselor to talk to - because this evening the abuse got so bad I nearly passed out. My mother called about Christmas and began her verbal abuse. I am so blown away by this because she was never like this when I was young.

    It is so hard for my heart and soul to handle I think I go into shock or something. I am in disbelief - it's my MOTHER for goodness sake - what would cause someone to hurt their child ever.

    The last number of years it has been escalating. She has witnessed physical abuse (of me) from my sister's boyfriend and more recently from my sister...and supports all of it. Yes, all of it.

    Is this a test? How to I reconcile this with God? She is hurting me and has now for many years.

    The abuse is not just cruelness it is actually supporting harm to come to me - does that make sense? In other words, she is not loving nor protective - just the opposite...

    Anyway, I thought I should write it down because I am not sure I can physically weather this anymore. I have been sick and disabled a long time.I pray God finds a way to help me with this.

    God Bless All of you - you are a family of Believers that help give me strength...

    [This Message was Edited on 12/14/2008]
  2. caffey

    caffey New Member

    Call the police and leave immediately. Get non harassment orders or whatever you need to be safe.
  3. lrning2cope

    lrning2cope New Member

    Yes , you can treat them with respect , because they are family , but that means FROM A DISTANCE . God tells us to love ourselves . That means that sometimes , we have to have distance from people that hurt us. It is not our job to stay around and try to fix things. These people are all grown-ups and they need to find their own way out of it.

    Please don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself first. It took me years to come to the point of taking care of myself as not being selfish.The thing that I found out is if you truly believe in the verse " Do(God' love) unto others as you would like others to do) God's love) unto you it means you have to love yourself FIRST.

  4. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    You are all so kind and caring and wise...thank you so much for your words of faith, support, WISDOM and caring. I so needed to hear them...

    Just reading each of your words helps me believe in the goodness in the world too.

    I will pray thanks to each of you who have cared for me through all this...

    God Bless You,

  5. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    Love that name, you need more help than this board can give you. Find your local human rescource center and see what help is available for your own protection.

    I can't imagine the huge load of pain you must be carring to have your mother abuse you, or stand by and let others do it.

    God is good, but gives each of us the choose, he doesn't force people to behave, but they are or will be held responsible for the chooses they make.

    Our prayers are with you,
  6. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    I had a book that I felt was partially written directly to me. It had a huge impact on my life and helped give me strength.

    It was a paper book, but is no longer in print. I would try amazon in used books. I would not part with my copy for the world, all high lighted and things written in the margins.

    This book literally saved my sanity.


    I didn't have the strength to make my move until 49. I probably spent another 5 years in self misery and guilt. I am 64 and my mother is still alive, 87 in a different state. The past few years I have come to realize my own self worth, and my worth to my husband and family.

    I can honestly say I should have made a definitive move towards solution back in my 20's, but I was too weak. It wasn't until my mother started to heap the abuse on my daughter that I grew up myself. Before that I avoided contact by living far away and having a busy enough life that I could not visit her. I suddenly became a mother bear. I had been willing to subject myself to whatever she dished out, but when I saw her doing it to my daughter it had to end.

    I thought there would never be a solution. Ties were severed 16 years ago and as I said I am sorry I didn't have the knowledge and strength way before that.

    Even now my husband will say~ why don't you call her. Because an old snake is every bit as poisinous as a young snake. I know if I so much as opened that door a crack, an inch worm could come back into my life. And I know that within two weeks that inch worm would have become a 25' anaconda ready to swallow me whole.

    No doubt you are going through all the mental "what ifs". I say, get out before they chew you up totally.

    As somebody older talking to you, just take my advice and shut the door. I wondered how I would react when they died. Well, she is still alive. But he died last fall. She never phoned, nor did she let my sister. In fact 16 years ago she told them both to never speak to me again. What kind of a mealy man never contacts his daughter! A spineless creature who jumped when he was told.

    I had an obscure cousin phone me to tell me he died. My husband and children watched me for a reaction. My son left work the next morning and drove several hours to check on me. I was at the mall. I never shed a tear. I had zero reaction. He has been dead for years to me.

    If you need to discuss this further, give a shout to me and I will respond.

    If you can get a copy of that book, it could save your sanity and dignity before it is all taken from you. Abusers drain you, then blame you. I never had professional help, but my reading of a lot of self help books served me well.