How do you measure your self worth?

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by missdarkness, Jan 23, 2009.

  1. missdarkness

    missdarkness New Member

    What do you do when you feel like you are not good enough for the things you want in life? I have been unemployed since April 2008 and just had my son in December. I have been looking for work non stop for 3 months and have not even had a successful job interview. I feel discouraged that I will not be able to find a job that can help support my children. I feel like a retard because I lost my good job and now we don't even live paycheck to paycheck. Without a job, I am useless. Without money coming into the home, I might as well be invisible. I am a horrible mother and wife to allow my family to suffer like this. I have applied for 80 jobs since November with only 2 results and they are almost dead ends. How am I supposed to feel when I look in our cabinets and we have no food and no snacks for the kids? I am so depressed that we are poor and barely surviving that I feel like I am not worth it to have a good job anymore. I have to suffer and feel ashamed and watch life pass us by. How do you remedy this?
  2. SnooZQ

    SnooZQ New Member

    I hear two different questions in your post.

    1) How do you measure your self worth?

    2) How do you remedy depression due to unemployment, feelings of low self worth, and economic challenges.

    There are a LOT of people right now who are asking those same questions, even those who do not have dependents. There are many of us on these boards who are going through similar things right now, or who have in the past.

    IMO America is suffering mightily, as a nation and as individuals, in part because we have lost sight of the finer things in life. Those finer things being, not in the realm of 600-count bedsheets, but more in the realm of family, honor, virtue -- those things we are reminded of in the phrase, "the best things in life are free."

    Giving birth to children is an heroic task. Raising children to be good people, even more so. It is unfashionable for us women, nowadays, to take a measure of self-worth from these tasks. But, having worked at a number of different grunt jobs in my life, as well as at several different professions, I am of the opinion that being a MOM is one of the highest callings, and greatest challenges, on earth. Love your children, teach them, discipline them faithfully with kindness, and you are rising to the challenge.

    Have you considered the possibility that you may be suffering to some degree from postpartum depression? You are under tremendous stress. Help is available in most communities, even if you don't have healthcare insurance. Be smart about getting help if you are depressed -- it's one path out of the negative spiral you may feel sucking at your toes.

    Have you filed for unemployment insurance payout? It's often enough to pay for food & utilities.

    Check out your local food bank. It can be a humbling experience to pick up a box of free food, but if your kids are going hungry, getting them some food that way would be exercising an heroic sort of humility.

    Many churches offer weekly free meals, open to all in the community. In our town, it is good food, though not fancy food. Find those opportunities. Be nourished, and feed your children.

    Apply for assistance benefits, if you qualify. Again, no shame in it. Your situation is exactly what taxpayers hope to support -- not some scammer.

    These are very tough economic times. Many people are having to do with less. Many who have never needed assistance before, will need it now to survive. You did not cause the economic crisis! So, no need to beat yourself up about it. Get MAD at the people who DID cause economic crisis.

    If it helps empower you, email your congressperson about your situation. The politicians need to be kept in the loop about the people they represent.

    I have not worked for many years, due to health issues. I am fortunate to have a loving, understanding husband who has made many sacrifices for our family. When you say, "without a job, I am useless," you are echoing a sentiment I have felt many times over the years. It's a feeling we pick up by osmosis from the materialistic society that surrounds us. I don't believe it's a true statement for me, and I don't believe it's a true statement for you.

    At heart, I believe each human being is a unique, creative expression of a loving God. Your baby, your older kids, you, me, the old folks, the sick ones, those with physical and mental challenges. We are all God's children, and therein lies the true source of worth of each and every human being. God loves us and suffers with us, whether we are pulling in grand bucks, or not.

    Keep on truckin! Keep looking up.

    Best wishes.
  3. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Losing a job, or having other things that happen in our life that affect other things can definitely hamper our feelings of self worth, but they should not be the measure of what we are truly worth.
    How much do you love? How much of yourself do you give? Are you kind, respectful, think of others?
    To me self-worth has nothing to do with how much money is earned.

    You're a horrible wife and mother because you are unemployed? Do your kids think the same way? do you think that when they are needing you the most, when they are sick, need a hug, come to you when they are proud of an accomplishment, they really care if you have a job or not?

    Does your husband work? Marriage is a partnership. If you can't find a job, is there something else he can do?

    Have you thought about getting creative and joining a direct sales company - they are growing by leaps and bounds when other companies are laying off.

    Time to reevaluate - you are not useless because you don't have a job. Yes it causes financial strife - which is horrible (been there!) - but you are certainly not alone - the whole country is suffering.

    Are your kids young? Can you take in other kids to watch?

    Question - you just had your son in Dec. but said you'd been looking non-stop for 3 months? I'm really not surprised that you didn't get hired knowing you'd have to take off to have your son, then take maternity leave. Am I understanding your timeline correctly?

    I bet your worth would be totally different if you asked those that loved you.
  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board. Lots of nice people to talk to here.

    In response to your question, I measure my self worth by asking myself this question.
    Did I do the best I could? Nobody can do more than that.

    However one wants to measure, my life would not be considered successful
    by many. But that is primarily because I was disabled most of my life. I cannot
    help but believe that the most important thing in life is luck.

    Look at Bill Gates, Brad Pitt, Tiger Woods. All big success stories.

    But if they had been born a thousand years ago, they might all have been shepherds.

    Right?

    Good luck

    Rock