How do you respond to spouses....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mariac2000, Jan 30, 2003.

  1. mariac2000

    mariac2000 New Member

    that say your illness is stressing them out. I know there is a great deal of stress involved for him and I am very sympathetic to him. The problem is knowing this makes me feel more stressed out. It's not that I don't want to know how he is feeling, but I wonder if he would be better off talking to someone else about it?. Am I being selfish or a jerk. What do you guys do?

    Thanks again,

    Maria
  2. fifty1ford

    fifty1ford New Member

    mariac2000,

    Just say to him, imagine having the worst case of flu you ever had every day! Or, imagine when your very sore after a strenuous physical workout and imagine feeling like that every day.

    Or wait until he comes down with the flu and say, "that's how I feel all the time"!. I used these things on my wife and she sort of gets the message now. Sort of, but not completely. No one can fully understand what it's like to have your life changed so dramatically.

    Peace,
    fifty1ford
  3. barbreichel

    barbreichel New Member

    I would recommend you both read some books that are written for the "supporter". My husband read both of them and it has helped him understand that its not his fault etc. I read them to help me get insight into how he was feeling. We are in this together and anything that we can do to not become one the 75% of couples that break up because of this disease,we do. The first book was written by Dr. Pelligrino, who is also a sufferer. It's called "The Fibromyalgia Supporter". The other was written by the husband of a sufferer. It's called "Beyond Chaos" by Gregg Pilburn. Can get both from Amazon. They made it much easier for the two of us to talk about everything.
  4. mariac2000

    mariac2000 New Member

    The thing is my husband understands all about the pain etc I have. I think what I am trying to say is that when he says all of this is stressing him out too I want to tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine. But, really I understand where he is comming from. I don't want to shut out his emotions, but I don't know if I have the strength, physically and mentally to deal with the fact that he is stressed, even though I know he is, and needs support too. But am I the best person for that support?, and if I feel like I am not the person he should be telling about his stress, am I closing the lines of communication? I guess it's really all pretty involved. I just don't want to push him away when I need him most.