How do you stop people giving advice?!?!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Rene, Aug 5, 2005.

  1. Rene

    Rene New Member

    I'm very isolated and live alone but I do have a friend I see once a month. But everytimne I see her she is like you should take a class, you should join weight watchers and you can meet friends or you should go to a support group and on and on.

    Do to my illness I can't and I remind her but the advice keeps coming and it makes me think she thinks I'm not sick. I am alone and so i appreciate seeing her but the my blood boils cause I can't do much and she suggests I do this or that!
    Rene
  2. lovinlifeinAK

    lovinlifeinAK New Member

    but bump for answers
  3. tngirl

    tngirl New Member

    and get my feelings hurt. I know sometimes I too resent advice but, Maybe she does believe you are in pain, and sincerely wants to help.

    Having been a caregiver of someone very ill, I know it makes you feel a sense of helplessness when you so badly want to do something to help.

    I know she is not your caregiver but maybe she is just searching for something that will make you feel better. (Even though you don't have the energy or feel well enough)

    Has she said she doesn't believe in your illness?

    If the problem continues, maybe you could gently discuss it with her. If she is truly a friend she will want to know how you feel.
  4. mhammie

    mhammie New Member

    Although it may not always come across that way when I don't feel well.

    I do have lots of friends that are concerned and have heard of this & that to try. Only problem is I have tried alternative treatments, natural supplements, traditional, and things they have never heard of.

    It gets to the point where I don't even want them to ask me how I am? Especially the friends that really care and think they can help.

    I wonder if she would accept that you appreciate her concern & suggestions, but you have to be the one to decide what's best for you. After all you know what your body can tolerate better than anyone else. Everyone copes with different things in life in different ways. So what works for some doesn't always work for everyone. If it was that easy, we would probably all have just one thing that helped us all, and would all feel great.

    Mhammie
  5. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    Irony alert, sorry, couldn't resist that one. You gave me a chuckle.

    don't know, duct tape?


    Jeanne
  6. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Thanks for your replies. Ha ha Joanne! But Andy Rooney says "never give advice unless somebody asks or if there is an emergency." Its fun to give advice but really its not right.

    There is also a saying "don't should on people and don't let anybody should on you" as in you should do crafts or you should do whatever. I have cut that out of my vocabulary.
  7. wangotango

    wangotango New Member

    you sound like me i am living alone (thank god) but lived with family members from 2000 until 3 months ago and man the price i payed for staying with these people. every day i had to hear about things that must of came off the walton's program. i had a family memnber tell me that if i just got my hair cut i would not have as much fatigue and could go back to work (even tho she didnt mind working and paying for people like me) ohh i thought i had payed into my ssdi all my life.
    it seemed to be the ultimate time for all the people who always wanted to let me have, well let me have it. they knew i was to sick to fight back and if i made them mad they would kick me out. so they would win every time and their ego's came out in good shape.
    now i just say things like "shallow brooks make the most noise" or "be very shure your back yard is mowed and trimmed the best it can be before you tell me how to do mine".
    there is no escaping it so i just programmed my tongue to not be nice any more. be well bill
  8. karatelady52

    karatelady52 New Member

    ask her if she remembers what it feels like to have a fever of 102 with chills, aches and pains. She will probably say yes she remembers. Then tell her, that's how you feel all the time!

    Sandy
  9. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Wouldn't it be easier just to say I have MS to anyone new i met? I don't meet anyone but wish I would have lied. It would be nice to not feel I'm judged or explain all the time.

    Its good to read the replies as I know you guys know how I feel. I look well and thank god I never have pain ever! Guess like the author of Seabuscit said that interviewers would come over and ask her for some water and it would make her upset and I totally get that. Since we look so good and sound so good.

    Rene
  10. When she starts giving you advise, Change the subject. LOL! I have someone who doesn't listent to me, and always does that. Or start talking about her, people like that.
  11. Tigger57

    Tigger57 New Member

    Lately, I'm just not so nice about it. Frankly, I warn people right off the bat I WILL NOT be responsible to my actions if they decide to spew more swill at me about stuff they have no clue about.

    Yeah, I'm a bit on edge lately.... that comes with not having worked for 7 months and to still be in pain... and with no income.

    Hugs,
    Tigger
  12. Bruin63

    Bruin63 Member

    That was my Doctor, who said that. lol.

    I was thinking, maybe, she thinks that it would make you feel better to get out. I went through that at first, people thinking, I would get better if I just got involved with something to get me out of the house.

    I now, stop, people, by saying, I have tried, just about everything over the last 10 years, this is It.
    That usually end's that part of the conversation.

    I try to do thing's, but they are when I can and when I have the energy. Not when others think I should.
    ;o]
  13. smiffy79

    smiffy79 New Member

    that way right in front of her she has hundreds of ppl all suffering day in day out-and i have a family and support so i would hate to see me on my own.:)

    i do go out and i go out dog training one evening a week but to do that i have to sleep in the afternoon or i would crash the car.
    it still doesnt stop the pain or make it any easier to live with but it gets me out w/ppl who share my dog geek enthusiasm--actually they dont-when i start spouting they are like really? i never knew that! i cant help it-doggy facts i just seem to absorb--sorry :)

    chin up sweety,go for the duct tape if this doesnt stop her :)
  14. bpmwriter

    bpmwriter New Member


    another vote for duct tape.

    e.