How do you survive a move with FM/CFS???

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by steach, Sep 25, 2009.

  1. steach

    steach Member

    Hi Friends-

    Just wondering if any of you have moved after being dx with FM/CFS? How did you survive the move!?? Any suggestions/tips?

    We have been moving one house to another since Labor Day weekend. We are not in any big hurry since the other house has not closed yet. For two days, my son and his friends helped my fiancee and me by moving all the big items via U-Haul. Since then, my fiancee has been going to the "old" house almost everyday and bringing car loads of boxes.

    I try to unpack a little bit everyday but I get so fatigued and sore. I have not been working since the move (substitute teaching). This is really making me feel pretty worthless, like I'm an "unequal" financial partner. It is bad enough that I can not work full-time teaching.

    All of the unpacking and organizing is really making me irritable; before the FM/CFS, I would have been done by now. I have the boxes in the rooms where they need to be unpacked and the "clutter" is driving me crazy! Uuuggghhh!

    Just thought I'd ask if anyone has any tips and also I think I just needed to vent! Thanks for listening to me! :) :)

  2. mysticbrit

    mysticbrit New Member

    We moved about 4 years ago and still have boxes unpacked in the basement and a couple of closets.

    I understand that "unequal" contributer feeling but it's a negative drain on whatever resources the FM hasn't already taken. Try not to let your mind go there (I know, easier said than done). I've had FM for more than 30 years and my pain levels have gradually increased. I had to give up working 5 years ago and I completely understand your adjustment.

    My hubby was a teacher for over 40 years, just retired a year and a half ago. I worried that he'd have a problem adjusting but that has not been the case. He loves not having anywhere he has to be at a certain time.

    Please don't beat yourself up about the move. Unpack things as you need them and enjoy your new home. I'm guessing your fiancee would rather have someone to share the new space with than a pefectly neat house.


  3. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Yes pace yourself!,,recently moved from a 2bdr,,,to a 1bdr apt. and it took me a month to pack stuff up and then another 3 weeks to unpack everything once i got here,,,I got rid of alot of stuff (goodwill) that i didn't need and that helped alot,,,,,

    I tried to look at it as an ongoing job that needed to be completed by working on it one day at a time,,,and that helped,,and pacing myself really helped!,,,Mystic has some wonderful advice on the job front!,,,,Is there no way you can get onto social security for your disability?,,,,,,,Goodluck!,,,,,sis
  4. jole

    jole Member

    I've only moved once since being married...had 4 kids at the time, and was not yet diagnosed with this DD...although had it at that time, but not nearly this bad and was still able to work full time.

    That was soooo hard, and our homes were right next to each other! At that time we owned practically nothing, and didn't have much to move, but the frustration and panic were still there.

    You do realize that moving to a new home is one of the top 5 stressors there don't feel badly about being stressed! It definitely comes with the move for everyone, sick or not...

    It will get better, and just concentrate on the little you can accomplish each day, and see your accomplishments instead of what's left to do. For me, that was the best way to deal with it.

    I definitely understand the feeling of worthlessness when you aren't contributing financially also. So many of us had to quit work because of this DD, and it's a horrible feeling...but it doesn't sound as though yours is permanent yet....pace so it doesn't become have to take care of you along this journey!!!

    I wish you have good support going there.........delegate as much as you can to other family members......and be proud of each and every accomplishment......Jole
  5. Pippi1313

    Pippi1313 New Member

    I've moved twice since I got sick.

    The first time, I was in a town FAR from my family, and in a wheelchair.
    I was moving from a small apartment on the 2nd floor of a building with no elevator, to the first floor of a different complex.

    Being so far from home, a church group helped me move.
    But I still felt so useless - like an absolute charity case - even though there wasn't a thing I could do, with the wheelchair & a stairway between me & the new place.

    When I was finally able to move back to my home-city, my family was available to help.

    My neighbors (at the place I was moving from) were as "financially challenged" as I was. I simply gave away a LOT of stuff!!!
    (Still can't figure out how 1 person in a small space can collect so much STUFF! LOL!)

    If you can't, or don't want to, unload your stuff on your neighbors, try "FreeCycle". Go to & link to the group nearest you.
    Post a listing of stuff you're giving away, & people who want it will come & get it.

    I know what you mean about feeling inferior, or second-rate, cuz you're not bringing in a paycheck, but dang! You're still more "useful" than I was, sitting there in the wheelchair, watching nice people work their butts off to get me moved, and then having to move ME as well!!!
    I felt guilty about every item, book, or box of stuff, those nice people carried down that stairway...

    Thank goodness, my big family was able to help me move back to the home city! I sure couldn't afford movers, or even U-Haul!!!

    You already have a full time job. You're just not getting paid for it, AND you're working while you're sick!
    (Just think of how much it costs to hire movers. You are financially "worth" at least that much! And they don't work when they're sick!)

    I know, in our society we're only "worth" what we earn.
    It's hard for us to shift away from that mindset. And even when (if) we do, society doesn't, we know we really are being judged.

    Just don't judge yourself that way.
    Your own wisdom tells you society has it all wrong.

    Pace yourself-
    Be PROUD of how much you do & how hard you work-
    Accept help-
    Give stuff away-


    Good Luck 2 Ya!
  6. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    I think you have some great advice from the other posts.

    Pacing is probably the best. I just helped my daughter move. She and her husband live in married student housing and it was an emergency move as their roof was about to fall in from the rain. Since I can't do much, I basically sorted things like clothes into a pile for each person and she would then put them where she wanted. I would also sit by a box and get things out and she would put things away.

    However, you could also do the opposite.

    My daughter had six people from the Housing Unit help her pack and moved all the furniture to the new apartment. But it was an emergency.

    I guess my point is you can only do what you can do. I think anyone gets irritable when moving.

    Vent all you want.

    I am also on teacher retirement disability. I would have never thought I would be spending my retirement this way.

    I have been on the sub. list but so far unable to do that.

    I would have never thought about getting someone like a church or other service providers finding people to help.

    Thanks goodness you do not have to rush.

    Good luck.

  7. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    I know you already have the boxes all in the correct rooms so my tip probably won't be very helpful but maybe there's a way to work it... don't know.

    When I move, and I have moved a few times since relapsing which is why I am now willing to pay more than I can afford to stay where I am, I put all the boxes in the box corner or the box room... whatever you've got. Then, I unpack one box, and one box only, when I can. Everything but that one box stays out of sight.

    Like you, I can't handle the clutter. It totally messes with my cognition and my mood and what's left of my life. I need to start with furniture and clear space. In one apt. I never used my bedroom because it was the designated box room and I never finished unpacking. That was fine, I could better handle sleeping in the dining room than living in chaos.

    So, if you can, consider putting all the boxes in one room and taking them out one at a time, when you are able and unpacking just one. I figure that the issue isn't really having access to all of your stuff, it's having your stuff in the new place but not under foot.

    Your son can unpack his own stuff - lavish praise goes a long, long way. Your fiance can be a hero - lavish praise goes a long, long way. Please try not to be too hard on yourself because it's so hard to lavish all that happy, appreciative praise when you are feeling so overwhelmed.

    If you can manage it, don't apologize too much, don't tell them you're not doing enough - they truly may not notice, just be impressed with their muscle.

    And, if you can contain the boxes and chaos to the box chaos place, do it! I put stuff I'll need immediately in a suitcase and a few kitchen essentials - one dish, one bowl, one plate, one glass for everyone, one big pot... you get the idea... the coffee!!! - in a box that get unpacked right away. Everything else disappears until I'm good a ready to tackle just one small box.

    Clutter is the enemy!

    Best of luck to you,
  8. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    I was going to give you the same advise that so many of the wonderful peeps have already given. I moved a couple of times since I started with FM and CMPS and arthriitis. I had these DD's about 25 years with no diagnosis. Talk about frustrating !!

    Let me tell you, I still had some of the kids home and I did home child care, plus my FIL who got ill with alzheimers. IT CAN BE DONE sweetie.

    Please do not feel that you are worthless because that is not true. Just take one room or one box at a time. If you have your boxes marked you will get their sooner or later. Sorry but I forgot if you were packing or unpacking. However, if you pack things little by little and mark everything ,it WILL ge done eventually.

    Just try not to be so hard on yourself. Yes, moving can be a big pain (literally) and frustrating too at times but it will get done. Try not to worry so about it and just take it easy room by room.

    Hope all will go well for you sweetie,

  9. keke466

    keke466 New Member

    was a big pain for me. I lost my house to foreclosure this year so I moved in Jan to senior housing. I still don't have stuff put up. It took me forever to pack but I had alot of time. Thank goodness my sisters and BIL's helped me.

    Like they said,take it slow and take care of yourself.
  10. steach

    steach Member

    I appreciate all your advice and your kind words. This really means a lot to me- "normal" people just don't understand or have a clue how difficult things are for us.

    My 18 year-old daughters (yes, twins) still do not accept the fact that I can't do what I used to do. I honestly believe that they are afraid of my dd since their father and I have been divorced for 12 years and he hasn't been in their lives much; I am really the only one they have. They say very hurtful things to get me "motivated" but it just doesn't work that way, as you all know.

    Your support means so much to me. Thanks again.