How has your marriage/relationship changed after getting sick?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ilovepink4, Oct 23, 2009.

  1. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    What does your marriage/relationship look like now? Does your partner do lots of things without you? Do you feel left behind? Does your partner feel guilty? Could they even care less?

    My husband has always been super independent and always has gone off on his own. I am the opposite and don't like to be home alone. Now, me being sick gives him a free pass to do whatever he wants.(jab, jab) He can be very thoughtful and brings me a treat now and then. He always runs my errands for me. He drives the kids everywhere and even coached their football team. He makes supper most nights and cleans that up. He even brings me a plate of food into our bedroom.

    He doesn't clean anything in the house. No bathrooms, sweeping, vacc'ing, no dusting, no laundry, but he irons his shirt for work every morning.

    He goes out of town for work about twice a month. He is very social with his co workers and will stop for a drink after a meeting. He plays cards once a month. He isn't a big hunter or fisherman. He will go once a year, maybe to a Packer game in Greenbay....that is about 9 or 10 hrs from here, I think. He doesn't do the week long fishing trips like some guys.

    What does your life look like and what is acceptable to you? How much is too much? When do you start to feel neglected? When should they feel guilty?

    I realize everyone is different in what is okay for them. I just was curious about how others like me, live? Do you struggle with this topic? I know that this is a huge deal to me. I think I get my "worth" confused with the amount of time hubby spends with me. I do get very lonely. What do ya'll think?
  2. floridagrl

    floridagrl New Member

    I am sorry you feel this way. It seems to me (I could be wrong), that your relationship hasn't changed a whole lot but your health has changed your outlook on your marriage. When you are sick and can't get out it is a huge hit to your self esteem. Are you bedbound? Even if not I know it is hard to get out and have the energy to do things with this dd. I am lucky that I can still work but sometimes I wonder how I can make it through the day. I don't have any energy left for other things. I have a wonderful husband who loves to spend time with me but sometimes I think he thinks I am a hypochondriac and I feel guilty about not doing things I used to be able to do. Not all marriages are this way though and just because thay aren't doesn't mean they aren't healthy marriages. Do you have any family or friends close by for support? You may just ask your husband for a date night once a week doing something you both enjoy(energy permitting)/ I hope this helps,

    God Bless
  3. Spacey

    Spacey Member

    my huband is pretty good when he's in a good mood, but can be pretty awful when he's in a bad mood. My daughter likes to treat me like I'm stupid. I have a memory problem now and they don't get it. I try to be as active as I can, but haven't worked for a few years. I I have a lot of problems moving around due to dizzynes, balance problems and pain. I think that they forget or just really don't know what it is like for me. I think in a way it pushes me to do more, so maybe it's a good thing.It is frustrating though and does make me sad, but I don't really tell them. Unfortunately it makes me more dependant on them, well my husband anyway, and I used to be so independant! It's tough sometimes. I don't know anyone around me who has these kinds of problems, with this kind of illness. Arrrgh! Spacey
  4. floridagrl

    floridagrl New Member

    The first you may need to do is get pi$$ed off. Holding back emotions is unhealthy. Especially with your daughter. You gave birth to her, you deserve a lot more respect tha that. If your husband is in a bad mood, ask him what is going on. I know if he is antyhing like my husband though it is like pulling teeth to get him to talk. If he wont then tell him you understand he is in a bad mood but you would appreciate it if he would'nt take it out on you. I have fm, waht is your dx? Do you have any hobbies?
  5. Spacey

    Spacey Member

    I have fm with a lot of neurological symptoms. I like to paint, garden, look after my horses, I have a certificate in herbology. I guess my symptoms are just seemingly worse right now and getting me down. This flipping dizzyness is killing me, and I can't get any relief from it. Iv'e tried evry physio on the planet and so many things. I stumble around here as much as I can, but it is very trying, I'm walking through a fog , but try to keep going. Spacey
  6. spacee

    spacee Member

    I relate more to ilovepink's marriage, except that my hubby isn't that social. What he does love is golf and sports. I don't like golf at all and like baseball some. My hubby used to watch every football game 1pm, 4pm, 8pm on Sat and Sun and Monday nite. We did go for counseling to a woman who was older and hubby related to cause she cooed over him being an "athelete". I think she really"gets" the male ego.

    Now, some football watching but more movie/tv watching in the evenings.

    I would be less than honest if I didn't say, this is not the life I signed up for but I read that 75% of men would have divorced someone as sick as me. He does work a stressful job so I baby him for that.

    What IS it with sports...haha.


  7. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    have you recently quit taking any medications? When I weaned down from my effexor, it gave me the spins and i had to take a prescription med....everytime i moved my head, i would feel it whirl was awful....the med was for vertigo....maybe you could take something to help with the dizziness....? or is that what you meant by "ive tried every physio" meaning doc?

    i admire you for being up out of bed when you feel like that! I only want to curl up....i get up and deal with whatever the kids need....or the pets....and then hurry back to lay down before i overdo it....
  8. Spacey

    Spacey Member

    Hi there, no It happened befor I started taking any medications, one day I went down the stairs and the muscles in one leg just tore, then my vision went all squigly in front of my eyes and the dizzyness started, That was four years ago and Iv'e been like this ever since. It never changes or goes away, Iv'e tried meds for dizzyness but they don't work. Wow, it must be hard being so bed bound, I was like that for 2 years, but I get around a bit better now, depending on the day. I still find it hard to accomplish much though, it really sucks and yeah it's hard for people to understand because you look pretty normal. How old are your kids. I'm glad I wasn't this bad when my kids wer'e young, it would be so hard to do everything for and with them.Do you sleep well? Spacey