? how late is it to have your teen son's gf call...it is 11 pm

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 69mach1, Jun 19, 2006.

  1. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    and she is calling this late...if i were working the phone would be unplugged...

    i just don't get it..is it me or what...

    i wished he or her would break it off period...but i can't tell him that...

    but the main thing is i have told him i do not want the phone ringing after 10 pm...

    i said call her house and she how her parents would like it...her dad has to get up for work really early....

    she has her own cell phone...well we are not rich and i do not think i would buy him one for gf to call him all the time..

    what time do you this is too late for people to call...your home?

    jodie
  2. kirschbaum26

    kirschbaum26 New Member

    Dear Jodie:

    The rule in nearly every house I have ever lived in has always been that polite people do not call before 9 am nor after 9 pm. If she does not know that, you need to have your son tell her. If the phone rings in our house outside of the 9am to 9pm window, then we know immediately that it is a REAL EMERGENCY.

    Just thought I would share that with you. Never had anyone complain about my "phone hours", as even telemarketers cannot call out beyond those hours.

    Ingrid
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i have told him before...to tell that...no calling after 9:30 pm and he must be off the phone at 10 pm...
    she has a knack of wanting to talk and get in a fight w/me about being insecure...

    then he was throwing up last year and not eating for alike a week..i took him to the psychologist...i felt he was to young to be feeling these emotions...at his age...i did that whenhis dad was messing around on me...or mentioned moving out...because he was cheating i just didn't know it yet..

    but back to the phone business...i have had the you don't work thrown in my face and i am up anyways....but i just like it quieter at night for me...

    i have told the little honey this before...i and i do not think she gets it...

    oh well i am glad i am not the only one that feels this way...

    i have friends that we just don't call after nine...

    thanks everyone...

    jodie
  4. tammy21

    tammy21 New Member

    I agree with what kirschbaum26 said. and I would mention to her to please not ring after a certain time (that you decide on) as you will not be answering the phone. hopefully that will work within a week.

    Take care
  5. Jo29

    Jo29 New Member

    TEll your son that this is not about you it is about him. He needs the rest.

    You are the boss and he is to do what you say for his sake. You know what is best.

    How old is your son? That can make a difference too.

    Hugs

    Jodi
  6. marta

    marta New Member

    Jodie, I know the exact time it's too late for her to call. It's too late when YOU, the bill payer, say it is!

    I don't have teens anymore - although I could fill this page with my thoughts on children with cell phones except in extreme situations - but it appears to me that today's kids rule the world and that's not a good thing.

    Sorry if I come off harsh but this is a big button for me. I look around and see so many kids drifting along with their heads backward (not all of them, of course; there are still many good kids) and shudder to think of what their life will be like. Our local paper runs a little photo feature and this week's for teens what What Are Your Summer Plans? All of them said Nothing. Scary.

    Hugs,
    Marta
  7. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    But I agree w/the 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. thing. I DON'T think it is too much to require the hours you have set.

    Personally, I have turned off the ringer and turned the volume on the answering maching waaaaaaay down. In effect, YOUR telephone is for YOUR convenience, not your son's girlfriend's.

    Unfortunately, when I was taking care of my 60+ year old mom during her cancer surgery recovery, her house (manual wall phone -- very loud ring!) got a call at 2:00 in the morning -- and it rang, and rang, and rang, and rang. When I dragged myself out of bed to answer, the person on the other end said, "So how do you like THAT! Your kids are calling my number all the time in the middle of the night!"

    The guy was very apologetic when I explained that my only child was 16 months old, and the only one who would have any access to the phone was my mother who was currently recovering from surgery, and I didn't think she was expending any energy making crank calls in the middle of the night.

    I have no idea how this guy ended up with our number!
  8. justlooking

    justlooking New Member

    on 9am to 9pm unless your child has their own cell phone or private line in their room that doesn't disturb you but even then there should be a time rule. 11pm is completely unreasonable to call someones home. Sometimes I wonder about others kids parents, where are they in teaching their kids some manners!! I've had 5-6 yr old kids call my kids at 9:30-10pm...long after MY kids are in bed.

    I don't think it is unreasonable for you to tell ANYONE who calls your house that it is too late to call and not let your son talk to them...its your house and chances are if they can't talk to your son, they won't call that late again.

    Sincerely
    JL
  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    the gf has been told before...i do not care if it is summer out or not...she is on vacation in lake tahoe...if she can not find time to call earlier then that is her problem...

    my son does not repeat does not have a cell phone....nor do i...if he wants one and still have a person call him after a certain time...then he better put it on vibrate...

    i haveoften thought about calling her parents and asking they talk to their daughter about not calling my home after a certain...because he and she needs his restt...


    but i have left two phone messages for the parents and they seem to not return them...i just hope he will some day see the light in this yourn 15 gf...and move on w/o her...yes she is smarty pants...truly and innocent..

    but anyways,,,the phone bugs me...i do have one friend that will call me sometimes late at night...that is because she knew i was up....and it was important...

    but i think i need to put the stop to that also...

    so thank you everyone...i can't remember everyone's names..but you are in my heart...

    what's tough is dad let's those two call and talke at anytime..1 am etc...you ...get it...i said you all it ...he said he didn't care...we were there age before...i said yes but i didn't call your house because your parents both worked in the mornings...and i wasn't allowed more than 5 minutes on the phone at my house...true story...

    i now realize that i am not crazy or over controlling...i just have seen what she has done to him emotionally... then he gets all ticked off and upset..and then he can't get to sleep..

    jodie
  10. mrdad

    mrdad New Member


    Well Jodie. I speak everyday with a daughter, son and an "old" long time former girlfriend. They are always courteous and never phone after 10 p.m. It sounds as if your son's girlfriend is the one that is insecure as she has to be speaking with him every moment of the day!

    From your posts, I know your Son is a great young man and I hope the problem with GF gets resolved soon. To the girlfriend I'd suggest you remind her to comply with your most reasonable request or you may consider the "Call Blocking" option! You need your rest when you can get it.

    Have a good day,
    MRDAD
  11. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    If your son wants a cell phone, tell him to get a job or mow some lawns for the money to buy one. Lots of phones can be had for less than 100.00.

    Have him get a prepaid one, so you and his Dad won't be responsible for any of his phone bills that come with a talk-now, pay later account.

    He will have to earn the money that he wants to spend talking to his girlfriend and you get no more phones ringing late at night.

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie


  12. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    I've been thinking a little more about your problem. I decided to break it down into mini-problems:

    1. Phone calling late at night disturbs your rest.

    2. Phone calling late at night disturbs your son's rest.

    3. The girlfriend calls late even though she has been asked not to.

    4. The girlfriend questions your authority in your own home.

    5. You don't like your son's girlfriend.

    6. Your son suspects (rightly or wrongly) that your enforcement of the 'no late calls' rule is a reflection of #5.

    So, my further thoughts on these separate but interconnected issues:

    1. You have every right to reinforce the no-call rule so that you are not disturbed. You can even unplug the phone, turn the ringer off, or have an answering machine (silently) record the call for answering later IF you are not concerned about emergencies (aging parents, etc.)

    2. You have the right as a parent to reinforce reasonable rules for your children regarding their own bedtimes. Your son is a teenager, though, and his sleep cycle is probably a lot different than yours. If he is not suffering from the effects of the calls from before, stick with your 'hang up by' rules as long as he respects Issue #1.

    3. Someone else said it -- the rule is the rule. Stick to it. She may be obstinate and surly, but so what. If her parents are not returning your calls, and you *really* feel like they could do something about this, send a letter with a return card so they'll know YOU know that they've received it -- but I'd hold that in reserve.

    4. Absolutely not permitted. I'm not even sure that I would ever engage her on this again -- no more explanations, no more examples. If she does, you have every right to give her a warning, then ask her to leave and expect that to be enforced.

    5. I can see why. But you need to be realllllly careful to have your rule discussions be as dispassionate and dry as possible.

    6. This is where you need to do some thinking. If this girlfriend is rubbing off on your son who, it sounds, is not usually much trouble, I would sit down at a neutral time and discuss this with him. He needs to understand that you are trying to give him room to have this relationship, but it cannot come at the price of disrupting your home. If he cannot get his girlfriend to respect the house rules, then you will be forced to deal with the issue by turning off the phone, or confronting the parents or whatever you decide. If your son is allowing the girlfriend to question you, but he is not, you may have some passive/aggressive issues to deal with. But in the long term, in the distant future, you still plan to have a respectful relationship with your son even if the girlfriend is gone with the wind.

    In closing, if your son can work, I would suggest he purchase his own cell phone and minutes. You can get a phone for $20 these days, and cards in just about any denomination. He would pay as he went, and with whatever money he chose to spend. Then he could talk as long as he could afford, and if given free reign (with the house phone off limits after the witching hour), might soon decide that the girl isn't worth the effort, especially if she isn't respectful of his requests of how often or much to call and how important the message is.

    That might just solve the problem(s) for you. ;-)
    [This Message was Edited on 06/20/2006]
  13. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    I've been thinking a little more about your problem. I decided to break it down into mini-problems:

    1. Phone calling late at night disturbs your rest.

    2. Phone calling late at night disturbs your son's rest.

    3. The girlfriend calls late even though she has been asked not to.

    4. The girlfriend questions your authority in your own home.

    5. You don't like your son's girlfriend.

    6. Your son suspects (rightly or wrongly) that your enforcement of the 'no late calls' rule is a reflection of #5.

    So, my further thoughts on these separate but interconnected issues:

    1. You have every right to reinforce the no-call rule so that you are not disturbed. You can even unplug the phone, turn the ringer off, or have an answering machine (silently) record the call for answering later IF you are not concerned about emergencies (aging parents, etc.)

    2. You have the right as a parent to reinforce reasonable rules for your children regarding their own bedtimes. Your son is a teenager, though, and his sleep cycle is probably a lot different than yours. If he is not suffering from the effects of the calls from before, stick with your 'hang up by' rules as long as he respects Issue #1.

    3. Someone else said it -- the rule is the rule. Stick to it. She may be obstinate and surly, but so what. If her parents are not returning your calls, and you really feel like they could do something about this, send a letter with a return card so they'll know YOU know that they've received it.

    4. Absolutely not permitted. I'm not even sure that I would ever engage her on this again -- no more explanations, no more examples. If she does, you have every right to give her a warning, then ask her to leave and expect that to be enforced.

    5. I can see why. But you need to be realllllly careful to have your rule discussions be as dispassionate and dry as possible.

    6. This is where you need to do some thinking. If this girlfriend is rubbing off on your son who, it sounds, is not usually much trouble, I would sit down at a neutral time and discuss this with him. He needs to understand that you are trying to give him room to have this relationship, but it cannot come at the price of disrupting your home. If he cannot get his girlfriend to respect the house rules, then you will be forced to deal with the issue by turning off the phone, or confronting the parents or whatever you decide. If your son is allowing the girlfriend to question you, but he is not, you may have some passive/aggressive issues to deal with. But in the long term, in the distant future, you still want to have a respectful relationship with your son even if the girlfriend is gone with the wind.

    In closing, if your son can work, I would suggest he purchase his own cell phone and minutes. You can get a phone for $20 these days, and cards in just about any denomination. He would pay as he went, and with whatever money he chose to spend. Then he could answer at whatever hour he wanted, talk as long as he could afford (the house phone being off limits after the witching hour), turn off the phone at his discretion, and if given free reign, might soon decide that the girl isn't worth the effort, especially if she isn't respectful of his requests of how often or much to call and how important the message is.

    That might just solve the problem(s) for you. ;-)
    [This Message was Edited on 06/20/2006]
  14. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    We have a night worker (husband) who must sleep days. Boy has this caused a problem with two teenagers and the telephone. Even adults don't get it. They forget not everyone works days and sleeps nights. Particularly the telemarketers who drive me nuts.

    The kids have their own cell phones. Husband pays for them, but this was his choice so he could get some sleep.

    I take the house phone off the hook when he is trying to sleep. I also have a cell phone (he bought that one too) so I can call or be called, but I usually don't use it that much. I make sure people have both numbers. When they hear the busy signal, they know they have to call my cell.

    When husband wakes up we plug the phone back in.

    Not the best solution but this works for us.

    For your situation I strongly support the no calls before 9am and none after 9pm rule. Nobody likes to get a phone call at 11pm. It gets you all riled up then can't sleep. It's your house, you make the rules. I think 11pm is way too late.

    Michelle
  15. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    In a normal polite voice I would answer and if her and she goes on a rampage.....my next remarks would be:

    "I am sorry but this line must be held clear for adults and emergencies, GoodBye." (Quietly hang up)

    If she calls back? "I am sorry, but anymore calls after 9:30 PM will be reported to the phone company as harrasement.
    GoodBye".

    She sounds like a spoiled brat. But do not react to her on her level. It is terrible that she has no more respect than that. She is still a kid.

    A cell phone is not a "given" or an entitlement. Being born does not mean you will get a cell phone and other things like that also. I think we go to far on indudging the children. I respect and love kids, I give much. But I also give out that I must be respected and they must learn to respect themselves also! Good Luck.......Susan