How many of us are hermits?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lumediluna, Aug 24, 2005.

  1. lumediluna

    lumediluna New Member

    I tend to hermit - and stay home a lot. I don't like to go out to dinner, I would rather have delivery and eat at home. Maybe because I have an almost 2 year old and he can be REALLY loud at restaraunts - almost at the terrible 2's stuff - he wants everything on the tables.

    I try and pin point why, because I used to be so outdoorsy, and I miss my old self. Do any of you have advice/suggestions on how to get motivated to get out of the house? I guess it is baby steps?

    Now all I want to do is stay home! Are you like that too? If so, why is it for you?
  2. KMD90603

    KMD90603 New Member

    I find I really just have to push myself many days. I have CFIDS, but I also have a busy life and cannot afford to allow my disease to take over. I am a first year nursing student, I work part time, and I'm married with a 4-year old son. So, as you can tell, I've got alot on my shoulders. This being said, many days I really have to mentally prepare myself before leaving the house. My theory is that whether I'm at home laying around or out getting things accomplished, either way I'm going to feel sick so I might as well get things done.

    It's not as easy as it sounds obviously, but what happens is you get into this cycle of not wanting to go out. After a while when i'm bedridden for a few days, once I end up feeling better it becomes a matter of just not wanting to do anything. And it's hard to break that cycle.

    Hope this helps a bit.

    Kim
  3. BLUEROSE7

    BLUEROSE7 New Member

    I too have become more of a hermit especially within the last year. Due to several things such as the severe Pain and Fatigue(my energy level is Horriable).

    But also because I am not able to go as much as I like, this has caused me to be more Depressed and My Anxiety sky-rockets when it is time to go outside the house. I use to be such a out-going person as well. Would love to go out for dinner and a movie. Go camping all sorts of things. I still do a few of those things but not near as often as I once did or would like to. So yes I have become a Hermit as well to a certain degree a real homebody for sure.

    So my combined illness have caused me to be a Hermit and to be honest it's like I have lost all self-esstem about myself. It's hard on anyone at any age to have to deal with these DD's. But I think I hurt even more(inside) because, I feel like so much of my youth has been taken from me.

    Like I said it's hard on anyone but when this happens at such a young age it seems even harder...I want to be doing things that Normal people my age do. I was diagnoised when I was 24 (now 31)...but had suffered with many symptoms a few years before hand.

    Ok sorry didnt mean to ramble on like that...
    I wished I could give you suggestions but im feeling the same. Sorry I couldnt be of any help here, but know your not alone...

    (((Hugs)))
    Bluerose
  4. jbennett2

    jbennett2 New Member

    I would like to stay home more than I do, but unfortunately, I have to go to work 4 days of week, and usually running around on the other 3. I have always liked to be home, preferably alone. When I was a child, my best friend would pick on me and call me a "house plant"
  5. cerise

    cerise New Member

    I saw this post & stopped what I was doing to answer this because I can't stop laughing, not at you but at myself. I feel like some shriveled up old lady who is going to rain on everyone's parade.

    First of all folks you all have a CHRONIC ILLNESS & your life is NOT going to be the same as it was "pre-illness". That doesn't mean your life is over, it just going to be different. Right now you still have the ability to weigh in on just how your new life and future will play out!

    The most important advice I received from one of my doctors that I didn't follow (regretably) was to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY AND DO WHAT IT SAYS. If your body is telling you that you need to stay home then that's what you should do.

    And when you're ready (physically & mentally) you'll emerge back into the world at your own pace. Maybe your body is trying to get your attention by forcing you into such a noticeable change.

    I couldn't understand why suddenly I found my bed to be my best friend, pulling me into it like a magnet. It was the only place where I could feel comfortable and actually function! That was a couple years ago! Turned out I have Orthostatic Intolerance. You might want to check out the NATIONAL DYSAUTOMIA RESEARCH FOUNDATION website: www.ndrf.org.

    I was diagnosed with CFIDS 18 years ago and fibro 9 years ago. The other thing I learned after the fact -- save your money now! We haven't been out to dinner in over 5 years (& I'm including Taco Bell as out-to-dinner).

    IT'S NATURAL TO MISS YOUR OLD SELF (AFTER ALL, YOU'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR AWHILE), BUT I'M SURE YOU'LL HIT IT OFF WITH THIS NEW PERSON. Hope the new you doesn't get MCSS because that will defintely keep you at home!

    and the day it's announced a cure has been found for this DD, I'm confident I'll be motivated to get out of my house!

    TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!
  6. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    BLUEROSE,

    I had to answer this because your post could have been written by me! Hugs to you - you are not alone.

    Love Bunchy x
  7. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    I generally don't have the energy to shower, let alone get dressed... so I am here in the house. My dad gets the groceries for me and picks up my library books, so there's no reason for me to go anywhere.

    There are a couple things that can get me out, though (RARELY can, of course, on a good day). One is a nearby yard sale. They don't take much energy. You can just stand there and look at the stuff for sale. Don't even have to buy anything. Go in the car though, in case you do get something. :) Don't want to have to carry the stuff. Another thing that I love is trying new cooking ingredients. VERY seldom I may make a short expedition to the health food store to find new things to try. Kind of like getting myself a present.

    So... is there something that you really love to do that can be done in a short burst? An 'outside the house' treat that isn't too long or draining? Another idea... is there some place outdoorsy that you could get to, like a little park, where you could sit with a book? I used to love the outdoors too. I was a hiker! Anyway, the book thing is sort of a trick. You can be resting there exhausted, even lying down, but if you have a book open no one will know you're feeling bad; they'll just think you're reading. And it's good for privacy. No one will bother some one who's reading a book. It also lets you be a fly on the wall and listen to other people's conversations - the next best thing to socializing. But if you want, you could look up and smile when people walk by. Seeing a stranger smile back at you is very satisfying.

    I'm pretty content at home though. Find what's comfortable.

  8. BLUEROSE7

    BLUEROSE7 New Member

    bunchy....Thank You and Many Gentle ((((Hugs)))) to you :)

    lumediluna....I hope you will get more suggestions! I Know we are ill and I really do try to keep a postive attitude, But somedays it really hits home and you still grieve about what your oldself use to be like and be able to do. I am thankful/greatful for what I do have and am still able to do...but that dosent mean that it dosent still hurt inside as well when your not able to do things you use to. We just have to keep working on staying as postive as we can and getting better.

    ((Hugs))
    Bluerose
  9. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    And, I do also miss my old, outgoing, hyper self. I used to be skinny and now I am pudgy which is very hard on me. I would just rather stay home. It is so easy...have my cat, my home, my computer (and all of you), family concerns, and a wonderful husband who makes sure I get out sometimes.

    I'm not looking to be what I was. In fact, giving myself permission to stay home with my own company, go shopping alone and when I feel like it, to sleep when needed, etc. is tremendously freeing, actually. All my life I have had a totally unrealistic expectation of myself...Ms. Perfect in all areas. When I finally gave myself permission to do what my body said, what a relief. I do what I can and that's that.

    Seems like a rambling statement, but I hope you get the idea. I guess when you are tired and hurting all the time, it's great not to try to please everyone. Sigh.

    Take care...give yourself a break and permission to go with your feelings.

    Sue
  10. JLH

    JLH New Member

    After living life at a super-fast pace for 30 years when I worked and raised my children, and never having a day of rest (weekends were just as busy as workdays), I now find that I like it better as a hermit!!

    If I were well, I would still be working and "keeping the candle lit at both ends"! That's how I prefer life. However, due to all of my health problems - and fibro is only a fraction of my health problems - it is just no longer possible.

    I love to go, go, go!! But now I don't, don't, don't!!

    I make my trips to the grocery store, Wal-Mart, to my numerous doctor appointments, and to take care of my Mother's business matters, and that's it.

    I would be content to stay at home by myself and watch TV all day. TV can be my best friend--especially when you have a system like DirecTV and get all the premium movie channels like we do! If there is nothing on TV, I have tons of stuff recorded on the TiVo to watch! So, I'm never bored!

    I love to read, but I can barely hold my arms up long enough to read one newspaper, let alone a whole book or magazine!

    I absolutely loathe the hot, humid, summertime weather. So, I am more of a hermit in the summer months than the winter!

    So ... in the final vote of am I a hermit or not, put me down for YES, I'm a hermit (at heart!!!).
  11. LittleBluestem

    LittleBluestem New Member

    I lack the energy and money for socializing, eating out or recreational activities and I don't know much of anybody where I live now, anyway.

    I don't go out unless I have to because I don't want to run into someone who recognizes me and asks when I moved back here (the town I grew up in) and what I am doing.

    I also take walks or run errands during the evenings or on week-ends. It is embarrassing for me to be seen out doing things during the hours that I "should be working".
  12. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    The only time I go out mostly is to go to my kids activities or to go get groceries. I really like it at home and really don`t miss people at all. I`ve found its hard to even carry on a conversation with the pain and brain fog. I just stand there looking like an idiot. Who needs that.

    Sandy
    [This Message was Edited on 08/26/2005]
  13. Rose_Red

    Rose_Red New Member

    It's so nice to know I'm not alone in the FMS. I miss running circles around everyone else. When there were things to do - I'd go 72 hours straight with just plain old coffee. I used to joke about IV coffee. lol

    When I moved to FL (way out in the middle of farm country) I moved into a beautiful ranch on 3 acres surrounded by woods. I can't see any of the neighbors. The driveways is 1/8 mile long and the mailbox is all the way at the end of it!

    It's just toooooo easy to fall into hermit mode. My boyfriend is just wonderful. Especially since he didn't know me before FMS. Every now and then he just decides I've been in the house long enough and finds a reason to get out and take a drive. I usually don't want to go but I know i'll feel better if I do.

    On bad days I have my trusty basecall cap. I throw my hair in a pony tail, put on my baseball hat (works wonders for when your hairs a mess) and some sunglasses (no one knows there's no make-up under those mirrors lol). Guys do it all the time - there's no reason we can't be comfy like that too! :p
    [This Message was Edited on 08/25/2005]
  14. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    I work full time so it is a little hard to be the hermit I would like to be!

    We used to go out every Friday night for dinner but I find myself stopping for burgers or pizza most Friday's just so I don't have to go out again.

    My husband is retired and a home body. Takes an act of God to get him off the farm! That works great for me.

    I go to the grocery store early on Saturday morning and take my mom-in-law because she doesn't drive. This is her only outing all week and she is perfectly happy with that which explains why my DH is that way too. I spend the rest of the weekend in the house and would stay there full time if I could.

    I do go out on Wednesday evening to take my dog to our training classes. I wouldn't do that except my sister insists that I get out and do something with her and this seems to work fairly well because I spend a lot of time sitting in a chair during the training. Wanted to do agility training and tried it, but I can't do it so we are doing Rally Obedience instead which is quite relaxed and easy, just walking and following directions.

    My sis wants to take the dogs to a show, but so far I just haven't had the energy to even think about going away for a weekend. There is a show within 30 miles of home in October and if my sis will drive we will probably try that one. If I'm too tired my pup and I will just watch.

    Hugzz
    Greenbean
  15. gongee

    gongee New Member

    I too use to be constantly on the go from my teenage years until last year (which is a LONG time) I worked full-time for over 30 years, raised boys and a grandson, and socializing was a regular rountine.But no more. Gone are those days due to pain, stiffness, fatigue, plus anxiety/panic and depression.If I go to the doctors and grocery store for the week, Ifeel as it I have accomplished a lot. I have even gotten to the point, I don't like to talk to the telephone.
    I can honestly say, I long to have my old life back again, but you never know what this life has in store for you.
    So you accept what you are dealt, and try to make the best of it.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/26/2005]
  16. nozomi

    nozomi New Member

    I have social anxiety, but its been under control for years. Every once ni a while it pops back up. I have four kids, three at home, all very active. I work with kids, very physical job, but the hours allow me to be with my kids after school. By the time I get done with work, homework, dinner, clean-up and kids activities I just want to lay down and not get back up. Weekends are spent cleaning up the house from the week. My children are also hyperactive. There is much stress and chaos, even though they know it will affect my body physically. I argued with my daughter last night, a bad one and a long one, and the pain started in my legs and continued. I woke up this morning clenching all my muscles. My point is that after ALL of THAT I don't have the energy to go out!!!!! I hate this, I feel like a bad Mom because of it. We used to go to the park and play, to the beach just outside in the yard. My neighbors regularily get together outside just to bs and I want to participate but don't. They probably think I am rude. I used to go dancing with friends and was always active with my ex. Losing that second parent support puts a lot of pressure on the single parent. I guess I don't mind as far as my personal needs, even though I know I need to get out and nurture me. I mind more for my kids because they are all very athletic and active and they truly don't understand why I am the way I am even though they are old wnough to. SOrry for rambling.
  17. hdbubblehead

    hdbubblehead New Member

    THATS THE NAME OF THE STREET I RESIDE.. BUT WE CALL IT "LUNATIC" PLACE! ANYWAYS,
    ?- I WAS WONDERING WHAT YOUR S/N MEANS TO YOU?
    NOW,
    MY THOUGHTS AS I READ YOUR MESSAGE & QUESTIONS-
    I PRAY ONE OF THESE WILL OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOU....
    Dear Lumediluna,
    A TODDLER CAN WIPE-OUT a PERSON, BEST IN HEALTH SO TAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF. YOU'RE A MOMMIE AND IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR IN A STATE OF DEPRESSION.THIS IS SERIOUS. YOU USED THE WORD "MOTIVATED", AND THAT SPEAKS VOLUMES ABOUT YOUR MOOD.
    DEPRESSION IS NOT A BAD THING, IT IS SOMETHING THAT MUST BE ADDRESSED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. NO JOKE! TALK WITH YOUR DOC AUGUST 29TH. I AM HOLDING YOU ACCOUNTABLE.
    THESE ARE QUESTIONS ONLY YOU CAN ANSWER TO YOURSELF-
    1. ARE YOU EATING BEST FOR YOUR HEALTH & ENERGY LEVELS?
    2. DO YOU GET ANY "ALONE" TIME AND ADULT SOCIAL TIME WITHOUT YOUR LITTLE ONE AND CAN "OTHER" CARING PEOPLE TAKE CARE OF BABY SO YOU CAN HAVE TIME TO BE YOU FOR A DAY OR EVE.
    4.HAVE YOU "DRESSED UP" LATELY? IF NOT, DO THIS...
    LOOK YOUR BEST NO MATTER HOW YOUR FEELING! I PROMISE, YOU WILL FEEL 100% BETTER.
    START WITH THE FIRST SUNDAY OF THE WEEK, TODAY IS SATURDAY IN MY TOWN.THAT MEANS TOMORROW, WHEN YOU GET UP-GET PRETTY!!!
    GET YOUR "OUTFIT" READY TONIGHT. INCLUDE MAKE-UP,HAIR CLIPS, JEWELRY (BABY SAFE OF COURSE) ANYTHING YOU WOULD WEAR IF YOU WERE TO GO OUT ON THE TOWN WITH BABY.
    5.CAN YOU ASK A SUPPORTIVE-FRIEND TO "MAKE YOU COMMIT" TO ONE DAY A WEEK, TO MEET WITH YOU, INCLUDE BABIES ALSO AND GO TO A NICE PARK OR BEACH-somewhere not far from home.AND not the mall! too crowded, too tempting,& this is time to spend with friend and baby
    (walk,push a stroller,swings,etc (FOR FRESH AIR) anything in the area of not having to spend money, just to relax where your babies can play and be enjoyed,looking pretty.
    6. DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR SOMEONE AND "MAKE" YOURSELF AVAILABLE ONCE A MONTH FOR "SOMEONE" ELSES NEED,BUT ONLY ON A PHYSICALLY "GOOD DAY" AS YOUR CONDITION ALLOWS.YOU SET THE PACE. PLAN AHEAD FOR THIS,TAKING YOUR TIME TO PREPARE FOR YOUR IDEA, BUT DO NOT COMMIT UNTIL YOU HAVE A DAY THAT YOUR'E REALLY FEELING UP TO SHARING YOURSELF.
    (idea-make lunch or dinner for someone & deliver, don't stay) call people you know, see who you can do a favor for and tell them it's part of your health care program, that way they will allow you to do something. even if you iron some clothes and drop 'em off next week.(you know what I'm saying so it's up to you) polish an elderly lady's nails,
    "trade" babysitting for one hour per week or month.
    send someone a greeting card, make it personally on stationary or notepad. put sticker on it. make it "just for that person" choose someone who would not be expecting to hear from you, even a neighbor. these are things I've thought of cause I don't know your'e situation, but keep it simple, thats the key!!
    REMEMBER- YOUR HEALTH COMES FIRST- WITHOUT YOU FEELING GOOD, NO ONE ELSE CAN EITHER. TAKE CARE OF YOU!
    YOUR SO VERY SPECIAL- ESPECIALLY TO YOUR BABY BOY!! :)
    MY BEST TO YOU....
    PS. TURN ON SOME MUSIC & SING
    READ A NEW BOOK
    WHEN BABY TAKES A NAP, YOU TOO!
    START A JOURNAL/DIARY FOR YOUR SON-A SENTENCE EACH DAY
    PLANT A FLOWER. JUST ONE EACH WEEK IN A POT OR START A LITTLE GARDEN AND WATCH IT GROW. SHOW YOUR SON HOW TO HELP LET HIM GET DIRTY WITH YOU. IT'S FUN. PLAYING IN THE DIRT (WEAR GLOVES) IS VERY HEALING FOR ANYONE,EVERY AGE.

    ****PSS. CALL YOUR HEALTH CARE PROVIDER AND GET AN APPOINTMENT ASAP FOR EVALUATION. YOU SOUND VERY DEPRESSED. YOUR TOO YOUNG TO BE SOUNDING THIS WAY AND YOU KNOW IT.
    XXXXX SOMEONE WHO CARES.....AND RELATES.....
  18. Carollene

    Carollene New Member

    Hi everyone

    This is my first time here.

    I have only recently (6 months ago) been diagnosed with FMS; I have actually been very unwell since my early 20's and was told that I had CFS; but recently another dr informed me that due to the fact that I have CFS, IBS-D and soft tissue damage in the neck/shoulders (a real pain in the neck!) - FMS is what I have.

    I have been a hermit for a few years now and really only go out to do shopping, dr's or osteopath - would really love to go out again (was once, a long, long time ago! active)but my stomach has other ideas most of the time, so have to work around my diarrhea.

    I also miss me and have really only just realised, after getting over the shock of having FMS and not ever being able to work fulltime again, that I was and am still depressed and have lost myself in my illness and if anyone has any ideas on how to recover oneself, please let me know.

    I hope that things improve for you Lumediluna - if you can smile and laugh once a day, then it has been a good day!

    Carollene.
  19. fibrobabe29

    fibrobabe29 New Member

    I was a hermit the first two years after dx. But gradually I began to realize it wasn't going to go away, and I could find a way to deal with it, or curl up and die. I watched my best friends mother stay in bed for days on end, and moan and groan every time she moved, and decided I was not going to be that way. In the beginning I had to force myself to get moving, but little by little, I got back to my "normal" life. I don't even take any meds anymore. I do take my thyroid med, but that's a necessary thing as I have no thyroid (surgery 10 years ago)Yeah, I hurt, I ache, I'm tired, but I deal with it. I guess I learned enough coping skills growing up with an alcoholic father and brother. That's not to say some days I wouldn't rather stay in bed and not move lol.
  20. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    For almost 10 years I was in bed and housebound 90% of the time. Weeks would go by when I never even left the house. I gained over 50 lbs and was sick all the time.

    Two years ago I first came to this board. I have seen several doctors and had my ups and downs - bottom line I am much better today. I also lost the 50 lbs, not the easy way, I was sick from a med I took.

    Currently, seven days a week I am up and out of the house by 7:30 am. I eat my breakfast out, and dinner with my husband before coming home in the evening - around 6:30

    I have a excellent, supportive pain management doctor I see every two weeks. I am on a relatively mild pain med which I supplement with Tylenol and Aspirin.

    I believe my doctor has helped my psychologically also - he is very perceptive, compassionate and kind.

    I am age 54 and am looking forward to a happy, healthy future. I know I have to stay active and cannot give in.

    I still have fibro, but I am controlling it. I still use my heating pad every night. I am taking meds to sleep and a small amount of Klonopin to settle down early in the evening. It has really helped me.







    [This Message was Edited on 08/27/2005]