How many of us were perfectionists/Type A personalities before

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by dd, Sep 27, 2002.

  1. dd

    dd New Member

    Hi All - I am just curious as to how many of you were perfectionists before becoming sick? The reason I ask is because when I was diagnosed my endo told me that most of his CFS and FM patients were type A personalities and perfectionists. He said that the stress of not being able to control everything and have everything perfect in our lives lead to our immune systems being overwhelmed. This fit me to a T. I have always been a perfectionist at everything that I do. When I was well you could eat off of my floors. I had to have the check book balance to the penny. I had to have everything in my home color coordinated, bathrooms, bedrooms...etc...I was also a control freak. I had the attitude that if I didn't do the job that it would not be done right. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? Of course I still WANT things perfect but they aren't anymore.

    I would love to know what you all think of this.

    Thanks,

    Debbie
  2. dd

    dd New Member

    Hi All - I am just curious as to how many of you were perfectionists before becoming sick? The reason I ask is because when I was diagnosed my endo told me that most of his CFS and FM patients were type A personalities and perfectionists. He said that the stress of not being able to control everything and have everything perfect in our lives lead to our immune systems being overwhelmed. This fit me to a T. I have always been a perfectionist at everything that I do. When I was well you could eat off of my floors. I had to have the check book balance to the penny. I had to have everything in my home color coordinated, bathrooms, bedrooms...etc...I was also a control freak. I had the attitude that if I didn't do the job that it would not be done right. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? Of course I still WANT things perfect but they aren't anymore.

    I would love to know what you all think of this.

    Thanks,

    Debbie
  3. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    I believe you brought up a valid point.

    I am the Type A to a certain extent. I do it all, like housework, cleaning, striving to be perfect. And I do believe too it is somehow connected to Fibro.

    Of course when getting really sick with it all, it was a hard thing to not be perfect, but in ways it was a blessing. Its OK, not to be perfect. I believe that now.



    Sunshyne

  4. herblady

    herblady New Member

    not me, i'm a perfect B. except when i have an anxiety attack. cindi
  5. Ness

    Ness New Member

    I have come to believe that my quest for perfection...and expecting too much from myself for so many years is the reason why I have this DD. I use to stay up late and push myself to clean.. when my kids were little instead of resting...instead of ENJOYING!!!!!!!

    The one thing that I have gotten from the DD is the chance to see that there is no perfect. That life is too precious to be wasted on cleaning my house, worrying about having everything just so.. I now have come to know myself much better..to Appreciate the Simple Pleasures in life.

    This DD is a terrible price to pay for never leaving dirty dishes in the sink @ bedtime......You better believe they get left there NOW!!!!!!

    Peace and Rainbows
    Ness
  6. seaview

    seaview New Member

    I can't say I was a Type A but I did like having things cleaned up and tidy. When I became outnumbered by children and by pain I had to lower my expectations ALOT.But, as you have already noted....amazing how those things don't really matter as much as people(namely our children) do. I still like my house picked up and somewhat organized but as for being as clean as it used to....those days are gone. Heck, I use to clean the refrigerator every week(a long time ago in a land far away)before I went shopping. Now I am just happy to survive the shopping experience each week and the frig gets cleaned once a month(for shame I know but I give it a swipe here and there :)) I have discovered that the children notice now when it gets cleaned and tell me how good it looks(as I lay on the couch wiped out! lol) My mom gave me a magnet that says that a clean house is a sure sign of neglected children...it was her way of saying not to worry about what I can't do but to love on my children and enjoy them while I can for they grow much too quickly.She also has FM and has a hard time with how I do what I do with 5 children and home educating and all the stuff that goes with it. Gods grace!So, how did I get off the question? Just wanted to share what life has taught me....Blessings and a lovely weekend to you all! Kathleen
  7. Ness

    Ness New Member

    My mom has Fibro too!!! They didn't call it that years ago..My Mom is always telling me that I need to Celebrate the things I DO>>>Like work a full time job...take care of 3 boys, 4 cats, ( one just kinda decided my house is a cool place to hang out) a dog, and a husband..

    Here's to CELEBRATING LIFE!!!!! AND WHAT WE CAN DO!!!!

    Without FAITH I would be totally lost...You all have a wonderful weekend too....

    Peace and Smiles
    Ness
  8. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    All of it.

    I am so worn out today, I actually think I may have found a job I can do though, too tired to go into it in detail & leaving tomorrow to see family, we have a new baby girl in family, 1 week old.

    This is a very good question as all of us "used to be able to handle everything"

    Not these days.

    Jaci
  9. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    One of the most frustrating things for me is seeing how other people don't push themselves to overcome their flaws or try to be better. That is one area where I am way too perfectionistic. I also feel a lot of time pressure and rush around a lot, when I wish I could just relax.
    Klutzo
  10. G

    G New Member

    I was one of the most awful perfectionist around! Cleaning the house was an all out attack on dust, dirt come Saturday - it was a day where even the furniture was moved to clean underneath and behind the pieces. My friends made an joke about it - said they had to be careful of not bumping into any furniture because they knew on Saturday, it was ending up in an new location. I hated it when someone would make a mess - use any freshly cleaned item. I drove myself up the wall.

    When I worked I was just as bad.

    Clothes, shoes, coat, purse and even my hair had to be perfect before I left my home.

    When I get really ill now, I couldn't care less anymore but when I'm having an good day my home got to be as clean as it can be.

    I hear you Debbie and eveyone else!

    G
  11. dd

    dd New Member

    Thank you all for sharing your thoughts! I thought it was an interesting theory. I would push myself to the state of exhaustion when I was well so I thought this has some validity to it. If there is a bright side to this DD it is the fact that it has brought me closer to my children and I have learned to stop and smell the roses along the way. I was always affectionate to my kids but now it is like I really appreciate every minute I have with them. They get MORE of ME now. Now I say forget the laundry, forget the dishes, forget scrubbing the toilet, let's go read a book. So take that you damn disease!!!!

    Have a great weekend everyone!!!

    Debbie
  12. jeanann

    jeanann New Member

    I have a joke, I say I am an A personality practicing to be a D. I have got alot better, wel this disease is a great convincer. All my life I thought I had to controll everything, when this disease struck my life became so unmanageable. Tired , cranky, lashing out at the people I love. I had to take a good look at my priorities and re think them. Now I am practicing not having my way. Very challenging. Its ok I have God and the people who love me.
    We need to slow down and smell the roses. Take it easy. One day at a time thats all I do.
    (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) jean ann
  13. JP

    JP New Member

    I would consider myself to be an A/B typpe. I was driven to achieve personal and business goals and yet very accepting of being human and working with humans. Mistakes were opportunities and cause for celebration as they led to better results much of the time. I was a good boss. I had high expectations of my employees and I also knew how great my employees were. They did far better work than I could have done. I miss my work... :(
  14. Sweetmia

    Sweetmia New Member

    I truly believe my strive for perfection led to CFS. I had to have the perfect body--exercised and dieted too much, probably had an eating disorder--5'4" 98-100 lbs at one time--now weigh 110-112. I had to be the perfect student--studied way too much in college--didn't get enough sleep. Had unrealistic perception of beauty--strived to be "perfect beauty". After college,pushed my self to excess at work throughout my 20's and 30's and 40's--I am now 46. Yes I truly believe it caused my diffculties. I have a older sister that is a type B--never had these problems.
  15. LisaMay

    LisaMay New Member

    I am and always have been a total perfectionist in everything I do! Having this DD has been a total 360 for me. I can no longer clean the house, grocery shop, garden, do the laundry, cook meals, and be nice to everyone all in the same day. It has been a complete struggle for me to relearn my life. But if I don't, there is h#$% to pay later.

    One benefit - my hubby is actually helping more than usual!
  16. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    I still struggle with it, but I have learned to slow down and accept less from myself. I can even laugh at it all now!

    Love,
    Kady
  17. Achy-shaky

    Achy-shaky New Member

    Not a type A but used to burn the candle at both ends just trying to make money to meet demands of raising kids!

    I'm type B in more ways than one...like my hubby always says: I'm in the B class...I'll "B" here when you're here, I'll "B" here when you're gone, and I'll "B" here when you get back!! In other words, I don't go out much! I have always been a bit of an introvert and find it hard to say "No" but believe it or not, I've learned to be more assertive since getting FM/CSF - don't feel like taking everyone's crap anymore and am a lot happier for it!!

    I agree with many, this DD is not personality related and if anyone says that to me, I ask them how many chronic diseases they have (usually it's none) so hang in there you all, I also believe hope is on the horizon!

    Butterfly Blessings to you all...
  18. Shoobie

    Shoobie New Member

    Type A here and a Virgo to boot! I got the double-whammy!

    -Shoobie

  19. pepper

    pepper New Member

    I tried to make everything in my life perfect - my classroom, my house, my marks at university, my gourmet dinners, my body (aerobics, constant dieting), my kids ( I was a hockey mom, baseball mom, Cub Scout mom, taught my kids to read at 3 yrs of age), my marriage - everything had to be perfect.

    I worked 7 days a week trying to do all this before I fell ill, never taking any time for my own emotional, spiritual and physical needs.

    Now, I look back on it all with dismay. I can no longer work or do most of my housework (my cleaning lady does a dismal job), I can rarely cook, I've gained a lot of weight and we have been in marriage counselling for a long time. Nothing is perfect and that's okay now. Although my Type A does creep in once in awhile and I would like to do everything myself so it would be done right! No can do so I must learn to accept it. This disease can be very humbling.

    Pepper
  20. garyandkim

    garyandkim New Member

    things fall behind when I needed to. My Mom is the worst. She thinks a drop of water in the sink is a total disater. Gary, was never a perfectionest but, liked things done right when it came to work. I was the same at work. I never allowed anything to get lost. I was Director of field ops and then promoted to VP so A giant yes there. I had the greatest group of people working with me. I hired all of them and we all had the same push. But, we also had a lot of fun. We could even bring our kids to work. I loved it. Then I got too sick to work and as we all know that was the end of that but, it sure was fun.

    Take care, Kim and Gary

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