How many of you avoid socializing ?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Girlof41, Sep 19, 2002.

  1. Girlof41

    Girlof41 New Member

    I have a wedding rehearsal dinner to go to Friday night, I don't want to go, and when I look back, I dread being in any social situation. Okay, I am a bit shy, but this is now a problem. I'd rather be home in my bed rather than hear how energetic and hectic everyone's life is. Call it envy if you wish. I just don't want another person to ask how I'm doing because I have dark circled under my eyes. Just the other day, an acquitance glanced at my face(it seemed forever) and she had pity in her eyes. I'm not one to share my problems with anyone(except you guys). I guess she saw a raod map leading to nowhere under my eyes.You just can't tell anyone you have cfs, they just say, sugar or nutrasweet in your coffee( Remember,I'm off caffeine), but you get it.
    Anyway, I just want to sleep and not pretend to be happy when I am quite miserable :( How do you handle social situations?
  2. Girlof41

    Girlof41 New Member

    I have a wedding rehearsal dinner to go to Friday night, I don't want to go, and when I look back, I dread being in any social situation. Okay, I am a bit shy, but this is now a problem. I'd rather be home in my bed rather than hear how energetic and hectic everyone's life is. Call it envy if you wish. I just don't want another person to ask how I'm doing because I have dark circled under my eyes. Just the other day, an acquitance glanced at my face(it seemed forever) and she had pity in her eyes. I'm not one to share my problems with anyone(except you guys). I guess she saw a raod map leading to nowhere under my eyes.You just can't tell anyone you have cfs, they just say, sugar or nutrasweet in your coffee( Remember,I'm off caffeine), but you get it.
    Anyway, I just want to sleep and not pretend to be happy when I am quite miserable :( How do you handle social situations?
  3. MicheleF

    MicheleF New Member

    sometimes it helps to get out & socialize. As far as people asking you, I figure your true friends already know, acquaint. it's none of their business. There was a thread within the past week or so dealing w/ answers (some pretty funny) to people who ask or give advice. I usually just "blow it off" make a comment like "oh, little tired this week" or something, then change the subject or walk away. If it's someone who knows my situation, & I don't want to get involved in lengthy discussion, I'll just say "pretty good" if I'm ok at that moment, if I'm tired I might say, "not too bad, little tired today...what's on the menu for supper again?"

    Try to get rest before you go, and then try to pace yourself at the dinner...if you start to get really sleepy, get up & walk to the bathroom, outside, etc.

    Since I've suffered from depression before, I will say that if I find myself avoiding things cause I don't want to be around people, that's a clue to me that I must get out, that is one of the symptoms that means for me that I'm falling quickly, & must take steps to correct it. There is a difference b/w the above, & pushing yourself to go to someplace when healthwise you're really not up to it. I had to tell my family I couldn't go to PA for a Labor Day get together as it was a 21/2 hr drive & I was working extra hours that week. I knew that I couldn't work & go away, so work had to come first.

    Hope you get your sleep issue under control, I know for me everything seems worse when I'm tired from lack of sleep. Take care. Michele
  4. dlizard

    dlizard New Member

    anymore.. after the episodes of the severe rib cramps I decided to take the embarrassment out of the equation and just stay home most of the time... I went to a concert a few months ago and felt bad for days afterwards... its just not worth it! Good luck!
  5. Milo83

    Milo83 New Member

    I understand how you feel, I feel the same way most of the time..BUT, I do push myself to get out now and then..Unless of course, I'm in a lot of pain that day, or just soooooo tired and can't go..To get out if only for a little, is good for our emotional health..I myself don't socialize that much anymore..I will give you an example, my son, now 16 bowls every Sat. morning, I have to take him because he doesn't have his license yet, I could just drop him off, because he is older now, but I stay and socialize with other mothers and even some relatives that are there..I call it my "day out"..People will ask, how am I, I just say OK, or whatever, because most of them, don't know of my problems, but it does make me feel better mentally to be around women by own age and just talk..I often think, well I could be home resting or if feeling better, I could be home cleaning the house, but I do need some contact with the outside world..
    Take Care.........Best Wishes.........Donna
  6. LisaMay

    LisaMay New Member

    are a thing of the past. We used to have company every weekend - BBQ, sun and pool. My friends would bring their kids and we would have a blast.

    Ever since I got sick, I could care less if any one ever came over again. Too many people, too many voices, too much sunlight - it all drives me crazy.

    My solution: I invite 1-2 people at a time for a more personalized visit. Sometimes I even go to their house. My husband takes me to an early-bird dinner once a month and that seems to be OK.

    I've stopped explaining myself to folks. I just smile and tell the world that I'm OK. Maybe I'll believe it too!

    Looking forward to better days. Lisa
  7. pamela

    pamela New Member

    i go home, take a hot bath and crawl in the bed with my heating pad, puppy and T.V. It's my highlight of the day. My wonderful husband is so great. But I totally understand how you feel. You don't want to lie about how you feel when they ask, and I don't think it's envy you feel when you see and hear everybody laughing and having a good time, I think it's because you feel so physically bad, tired and spent. Right? This DD we all have does have the emotional consequences also. That's how I feel, and also with our conditions we all share, light, noise and loud laughter.... and so on is very irritating!!! Just do the best you can. Also leave a bit early if you can. Go home and take a very warm/hot bath and get into bed afterwards. It helps!!! Good Luck!! Pamela
  8. amymb74

    amymb74 New Member

    But when I think about things I've done no matter how crappy I felt at the time - the memory is always of what I've done - not how I felt - I don't know if this really makes sense but if I didn't force myself to get out occasionally I would be completely out of the 'land of the living'. I too understand the envy thing - I know everyone has problems but my friends' all seem so trivial (I feel so mean saying that !!)..AMY
  9. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, girlof41:

    While I was never a social butterfly and the life of the party, my husband and I don't invite people over as much as we used to. We had a family reunion early September, but it just seemed like too much effort to go. I am more of a home body these days. If I didn't have to go to work, there would be a lot of days when I would never leave the house.

    When I think of the old me who was so involved in a couple of clubs plus singing in my church choir. There is no way I would have the energy for all that any more. This summer we finally had my husband's parents over for dinner. To make it easier for me, my husband cooked the meat on the grill and the rest of the meal was a very simple menu. I have some simple recipes that don't require a lot of work and I use paper plates to cut down on the cleanup.

    But sometimes you do need to attend things like weddings. I guess I would just go for as long as you can tolerate and when you are tired, it's time to go. Also, a nap before going can help.

    Ellen
  10. TeresaBnGA

    TeresaBnGA New Member

    I have avoided it for a very long time because of my anxiety level and being in crowds of people. I am trying to do better. I am on klonopin that seems to reduce my anxiety and other things.
    I know I have to force myself to go somewhere and when I am there if I feel anxiety coming on I take slow deep breathes and try and calm myself down. If anyone happens to ask if you are ok instead of telling them the anxiety is bothering you (because I know some people just don't understand)tell them that you just felt a little sick to your stomach. They seem to connect to that kind of thing better.
    Hope this helps!

    Soft hugs!
    Teresa :)
  11. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    ....I also find I just don't like most people very much anymore. Healthy people are often overly concerned with things that don't really matter, they complain about nothing at all, they lie, and with my extreme sensitivity now, I can always tell when they lie, and they try to use me as a free shrink when my problems are much worse than theirs, or they try to be my free shrink an give me suggestions when they have never had a real trial of any kind in their entire lives. I am totally impatient with people who can't think in logical progressions, or who are very gullible (I'm trying to be kind and not say "stupid"). I think for the protection of others as well as myself, it is best if I spend most of my time alone because when I get angry I can scald with my tongue, as well as have my blood pressure go into the stroke range. I hang with my animals since I like them a lot better than people (with a few exceptions, of course).
    Klutzo
  12. GILL

    GILL New Member

    I find i usually feel better after socializing. Sometimes it gets awkward and i don't know what to say if i have to sit when everyone else is standing!

    I always think that i cannot change how i am, so i either go and put up with the awkwardness, or sit at home and get more depressed! If i had a third choice, to go, and be able to join in properly i would jump at the chance, Unfortunately lots of us dont have that choice.

    Good luck

    Gill
  13. Pat UK

    Pat UK New Member

    I was asked to go to a friends party and did not want to go but when someone said why do`nt you come for an hour the prospect became more interesting. I did not feel under pressure. I managed to stay for 2 hours and I was realy pleased I went.
    good luck
    Pat.
  14. LuvMeCritters

    LuvMeCritters New Member

    I'm I guess what you'd call a bit anti-social. Ok...well maybe you can leave out "bit". I just prefer animals to people. People can be so cruel, evil, ignorant, etc. Now, I know everyone isn't like that. A fine example is this board. But if this was a real club, where we had meetings, I wouldn't go. I just don't do people in person very well. On the other hand, put me in a pasture full of critters, and I'll sing to them, tell them all about my day, do little things for them to make them feel special, etc. It's just my thing I guess. Unfortunately, my son has turned out a lot like me, and I feel bad about that. I think he should have more friends and get out more socially. At his age I was very social. Anyway, to each their own, and whatever floats your boat, right? I hope I didn't sound like I hate people, because I don't. I will help out someone if I can. Just love my animals. And don't know of anything else I'd rather do with my spare time.

    Regina
  15. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    I go out and socialize still, not often though. If I go out and socialize, then its a price to pay most of the time, with a flare. But them while in a flare, I have the nice memories of the good time I had. LOL.

    I understand, about what people offer for help. Like the nutrasweet thing, or maybe it is all in your head, you are going overboard. Others have it worse than you, you will live, dont worry, etc. It gets to you. I know, I understand.

    Just keep on keeping on. Do your best.

    Peace~Sunshyne
  16. Girlof41

    Girlof41 New Member

    Thank you for your encouraging words and advice. I did go out and had a wonderful time. Sometimes I isolate myself that I forget the world is still out there. Of course, I'm exhausted, maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight. It's great to have people like you to talk to. Thanks a whole lot!!!!!
  17. Lynda B.

    Lynda B. New Member

    Not an elitist thing at all. I just avoid those that spend a great amount of time on things that though they find important, I find sadly unimportant.

    I avoid people who think they know and tell me how I should handle my disorder when they know nothing of it. I have such little quality time, I do choose to spend it i quality ways including more time with my kids and family and GOOD friends.

    Lynda B.
  18. Betty50victor

    Betty50victor New Member

    I've never been a very social person. Like being by myself especially since I adopted my 9 yr old Lapso apso for the pound in June. He's helped me more then all of the meds. the drs. have given me, except for the Zoloft! I have been going to the same singles dances for about 8 years now. For the last 6 months my legs and hips have gotten progressively worse. As of about 2 months ago all I can do is VERY, VERY slow dances as long as I don't move my hips which is hard to not do. But, now I go and just sit there and listen to the music and talking around me and it does some good. I get kind of upset when I'm there because of the fact that I was a non stop dancer. swing, ballroom, country, etc..... any dance, I could do. I have a hard time watching people do what I used to be very good at. But I'm learning to push those thoughts back and just try to relax and enjoy the music and people.
    I feel that if I'm comfortable at home, which I am, why not stay home and enjoy tv, dog, computer, etc.... I don't get depressed about it either. I'm finally comfortable with myself being alone. I talk to the few friends on the phone when I need someone to talk with and might visit a couple of them once in a while. Just more comfortable at home.
    I'm having a VERY hard time walking just a little so at home I can sit or lay down whenever I need to.
    Don't know if this helps anyone but just thought I'd put my
    2 cents in.
    Gentle hugs to you all. Betty in Valencia
  19. herblady

    herblady New Member

    i don't socialize any but not because of fm, because of my mental illness. shizophrenics have a tendency not to want contact with other people. even with my medications i don't want to be social. i like being here in my house, safe and sound. the world can be an ugly place. cindi
  20. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    You sound like me! Since we live in the same area, I wonder if there is a higher percentage of ignorant a**holes around here? I know I was told there were before I moved here, by 2 friends who moved back to I come from.
    I just want to say not to worry about your son. He is probably an Introvert, and contrary to what this society pushes, that is perfectly OK. All our great artists, musicians, writers and scientists are Introverts. Pushing him to be otherwise will only mess him up and destroy his self-esteem. Some people prefer a couple of close friends to a whole bunch of aquaintenances, and prefer spending most of their time alone thinking. We are a society that is bent on "doing" all the time, and to just sit and think seems wierd to the 75% majority that are Extroverts. Pay them no mind, and stop and smell the roses. :)
    Klutzo