HOW TO ASK FOR HELP W/OUT FEELING GUILTY

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Butterfly_of_grace, Sep 6, 2006.

  1. Butterfly_of_grace

    Butterfly_of_grace New Member

    How many of us here have a hard time asking for help? I do! Its one of my BIGGEST and worst flaws that works against me. Not sure why...maybe because I feel so guilty when I have to ask for help. Not sure where that stems from other than my bad childhood.

    Anyone else out there like this? Any idea how to conquer this?
    Thanks!
  2. Joshuaalpha

    Joshuaalpha New Member

    what kind of help are yuou asking for,, financial?? emotional??
  3. glafdy

    glafdy New Member

    You aren't the only one that has this flaw, I do not like asking for help either. But, just stop and think, if a friend or relative was in a situation in which they needed help, say with housework or meals, or whatever, I bet you would be right in there helping them. It is so much easier to give than to receive.

    That said, I have had so many people from my church say that they have been so blessed in being able to help my family. They love the opportunity to help out. Both my husband and I are disabled, as well as some medical problems with a daughter, it makes them appreciate their health.

    I still tend to say "no" when asked if I need a meal brought in or my house cleaned, but by doing that I found out I was putting more pressure on my husband and my 27 yr old adopted daughter from Korea who lives with us and is under treatment for Hepatitis B (which she was born with)

    So...go ahead and accept help from others - you are making their day.

    Glady
  4. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    You sound like me .Its always been very hard for me to ask anyone for help with anything. I have always been this way. I think a lot of us here have been the givers in our relationships and just in life.

    It may be how we grew up or it may just be we like to do things for our self.

    I can tell you it helped me a lot when I learn to let go and ask for help. When I gave myself permission not to be perfect,or overly in control of my life.

    Letting someone take care of me is something I am still learning and the guilt does still enter at times."Old Habits never die".


    My children are youngadults now and when I was in the hospital recently my oldest who lives in town came to see me everyday .I felt so guilty I kept telling him he could leave he did not have to come.Then I realized if it had been one of my parents I would have done the same thing.It was very nice to have his careing as an adult.

    Sorry Ive gone on and on.
    Remember the song"No man is an Island"? Don't just here the words feel them.




  5. Bren2135

    Bren2135 New Member

    oh yes, this is a big challenge for me. Not sure if it's a woman's syndrome (because we're naturally wired to be efficient caregivers!), or for me, like you, it's prolly a left-over habit I learned as a wounded child.

    How to conquer? Must take lots and lots of practice! I really love what someone else here said.. it's really a gift you let someone else give to you. Sounds like a win-win situation!

    Now, will you please remind ME too, when I forget?!

    Hugs,
    Brenda