How to deal w/emotional side of being so sick??

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by suz9601, May 14, 2009.

  1. suz9601

    suz9601 Member

    I have been sick for 13 years now- since age 18. I am 31 now and am housebound and somedays can't get up out of bed. Since I have turned 30 and have gotten more sick I am having a tough time dealing w/the emotional side of being this sick. I always wanted to have kids and now it seems that dream fades a little more everyday. While everyone one around me my age is working on their 3rd child by now. Each time I hear of another pregnancy in the family/friends I feel my heart breaks all over again. It is almost once a week we hear of another pregnancy..

    That is just one side of the all know the rest, the depression, anger, saddness, grief, feeling alone. How do you all deal w/these emotions? I feel so sick physically and overwhelmed mentally as well. It's hard to be young and watch your life pass you by.

    How do you deal w/hearing about everyone else's lives and how they are all out living the life you were suppose to have? I guess I am just looking for someone that understands since no one I talk to that is healthy gets it. Any tips? Thanks for listening.
    [This Message was Edited on 05/14/2009]

    JEANSKI New Member

    It's okay to mourn. It is a terrible thing. I was dx at age 15 and am turning 30 this august so i know what you are saying. I mourn..sometimes deeply. There is a part of me that wanted the children and the family. I still hope, one never knows! But realistically I know it won't happen. I let myself love other peoples babies and dream about my own. (i'm not creepy about it though) But I do mourn. I cry, I hurt in my heart.

    I have 3 cats that fill a need to be needed and recieve love and give affection. it does help. I have accepted my NOW vs. thinking about and wanting a life I don't have. All I have is today really. I try and make it a good one.

  3. isiselixir

    isiselixir New Member

    I just turned 31, yesterday. I SO totally know how you feel. I have not been sick as long, only since 2006, but the effects have been profound. I never know how long it will last or if it will get better or worse. I hate not being able to work or be as creative as I used to be due to the extreme lack of energy. Sometimes I just feel so useless. I also had dreams of marriage and motherhood but I've adjusted those. It is important to still hope. These days many women are having babies later in life. I agree with the notion of having children and/or babies around you that you can connect with, even if they are not your own. This illness is so hard! Just know you aren't the only one and we're here for eachother. (((HUGS)))
  4. kriket

    kriket New Member

    Just want you to know that I totally understand how u are feeling. I just turned 32, I was dx about 9 yrs. ago. I have the same fears that you do about having a family. I have several dogs. They are work too but no like the respnsibility of children. There are many many times that I must go and lay down and if I had kids I don't know how in the world I would truly be there for them like I want and need to be. My fiancealso suffers with fibro. We have pretty much decided to stick with our animals, because we are both in pretty bad shape.

    I do catch myself thinking about what children would be like though and battle the questions in my head of what all I am missing or am I? You are not alone in this battle of thoughts.

    I wish you the very best-

    Love Krik
  5. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    I can relate a lot - ill at 19 and now 40.

    I bumped an old post of mine for you about not being able to have kids - there is some good advice and kind words from other people in it - take a look.


    Bunchy x
  6. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I'd love to see you all in Chat sometime. We can commiserate in there over this as well as other stuff. I'm 45 and I got CFS at 20 and I didn't/couldn't have kids either. It's very sad and I went through a lot of mourning. I found my late 30's to be hard because of this but I've come to accept it now.

    Chat helps me a lot and doesn't use up much energy at all compared to other activities like writing in here for instance. It helps with loneliness and it's nice to connect with others who understand you.

    Many of you are young yet and something may come along that will at least help us feel better. The Whittemore/Peterson Institute says they're onto something so there's hope. I say, live for now, count your blessings and keep hope alive but be realistic about it too.

    I know it's easier said than done.

    [This Message was Edited on 05/15/2009]
  7. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I've had Fibro for probably 25 years but only formerly diagnosed 2 years ago after many tests throughout the years. I have two children.
    There is something about hearing the diagnosis that changes things - at least for me.

    I had my babies, I was tired, hurting etc., but at that time I believed it was truly just the way I was so it didn't keep me from having them.

    Once giving the diagnosis, it's almost like your mindset changes. Very hard for me to explain, and it may be just me, I don't know. But I swear since being giving the 'word' from two Dr.'s, it has been much harder emotionally for me than before. Yes, great to have a name for how I was feeling, but something else changed in me.

    One thing - don't set a deadline on having kids. You may find you go through years where you feel better. (I did!) Many women today have kids in their late thirties, early forties - many of my friends as a matter of fact. At the same time, yes be realistic - but don't feel like your dreams are gone right now - you still have many more years.

    I did go through some very good years where I was doing quite well! Kids or not, I hope everything has some good days, months, years ahead!!
  8. suz9601

    suz9601 Member

    thanks so much guys. It helps so much to know that others have gone through the same things and really understand. Although I am sorry you all have to go through this as well. I really appreciate your comments. I will also check out the other thread that bunchy started. I wish you all the best, you deserve it.