How to find a good balance?

Discussion in 'Caregivers' started by bees, Feb 23, 2003.

  1. bees

    bees New Member

    I've had CFS for over two years now and still find it hard to ask for the help I need and also accept the help I am given.

    I wondered how carers feel about helping their people and if I could do anything to make it easier for those around me. Also how other unwell people manage asking for help.

    Any advice or personal experience would be appreciated.

  2. patg47

    patg47 New Member

    As care giver for my 81 year old Mother I find myself in a quandry about what and what not to do for her. I want her to be as independent as possible, but it would be helpful if she would ask for help instead of me trying to guess what needs to be done. I'm sure that anyone that offers their help is sincere and you need to learn to accept it as you would a compliment. A simple thank you works wonders, and if you're financially able maybe an inexpensive gift from time to time would be nice. Before moving my mother to my hometown her next door neighbor was her guardian angel. I always remembered her on special occasions, just as I would family. I know how hard it is to accept help. Without any serious problems, just age, I find myself not being able to do some of the things I used to do, and it's frustrating. Hope this helps. May God bless you.
  3. afeni

    afeni New Member

    I have fm, my oldest daughter has fm, my youngest daughter, has asthma, and suffers from depression. I am a caregiver, and i am ill. I am the compforter, and the coordinater for all the trillion doc appointments, I am the regulator, and I am the main housekeeper, {which isn't saying much}Everyone accept my 6 yr old son cooks. no one really wants to clean, or can clean, like we need. I try to do all the things a wife and mother does, but its so hard, because I have no time or energy for the good things, because all my energy goes for inportant things. Then I'm sick, and can't do anything for days.

    I ask my hubby for help, and most times, he tells my daughters to do it. Even when my older daughter is in bad pain, and my younger one can't breathe too well.
    He loves us but he can be cold and unfeeling. And I have difficulty asking for help, because most tims, the people I ask, don't want to. and Usually say no. I also have a problem asking in the first place, so when I do, I really need it. My husband will see me struggling, but, if my daughters don't help, he won't either.

    I don't know what to do to find the balance in my life. I just do it one day at a time.