Help, help, help. I hate being poor. It really scared the life out of me. Just a few months ago I started reading lots of books on money management. That was good, as I realized that lack of money was not my only problem. How I spent/did not save was also causing me to feel terror about being able to pay the rent, etc. One problem is that I just really do not like living on welfare-level "wages". Some days/moments I think I am better and that I must get a job...other days/moments I am bawling like a baby and can't even get myself showered, dressed, or fed. I keep trying to come back to just getting out of the negative thought patterns/ feeling like a victim (frankly, I think I am a victim...but crying about that doesn't get me too far, so...) Today there was a yearly business meeting with the local people doing the business I am trying to do. And I think I could make a livable wage doing it. But it requires things like NETWORKING (what I missed today and a thousand other times over the last few months and years)...so often when there is a chance to do something important, then my child is exceptionally high-needs that day and sucks all of my energy. Or I wake up feeling like I've been kicked in the head and slipped some nasty drugs in my sleep, or in so much pain I can't function. How do you deal with the ups and downs??? without the downs just kicking you and keeping you down???! Sometimes i think i just need to face the fact that this is it and i have to adjust to living this way. but i can't afford rent or groceries and so how can i just face it? I am just so full of grief and anger today....I really really have so much I want to do and I hate not being able to do it! Plus that fact that i want to financially stable*******! I know, the economy and all...but I don't care. i still want to feel safe! and i actually want to find a way to BE safe financially! How is anyone managing to survive with an illness like this???