how to say "NO"

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hannahfaid, Aug 1, 2010.

  1. hannahfaid

    hannahfaid New Member

    Hey all,
    I havent been here in awhile... Been in a "hole".. trying to get out and Im finally getting better.. getting a little pet sitting jobs here and there..shhhhh... the only thing I can do... kinda just let dogs out and feed em and pet kitty cats!! anyway...
    I hope you all are doing well...

    well, I am here for a little advice and Im hoping you can help...

    we all know.. well, try to know our limitations..
    I have a lady whose animals I watch when she goes home to visit her family... she has 3 dogs 2 cats and 2 horses... even though this particular job is a little hard on me (throwing hay for the horses aint easy! and waking up a 5am to be there when I can hardly move!) I do it because I feel like I am doing something...
    well, her horse is old, 21 years old.. we live in AZ... she expects me to hose this horse down every hour if its extremely hot....
    heres the problem I CANT DO IT.... not only I am physically unable to spend the day runnin in and out hosing down this horse. OR running back and forth from my home to her home... It wasnt part of our agreement... shes taking advantage of me... and the worst part.... I became friends with her and I think she expects it because I did it for her ONE TIME! it was hot a few months ago and I went over and hosed the horse down ONCE ... not all day...
    I am really upset at her insensitivity.. she knows my condition... this isnt the first time she has taken advantage of my kindness towartds her pets...
    I used to be a groomer... Her horse (same one) has a disorder.. so I mentioned "we"shaved it down well, I brought 2 clippers... for "US" to shave her down... she sat there and watched me do the whole job 3 hours.... she didnt offer me a dime and never offered to help... I was down for 3 days... between the heat and the work I was beat...
    Now I am so upset mentally.. I dont even want to do the petsit at all.. The reason for the petsit.. Shes moving... I kinda wish she would just be gone.. I dont believe this woman is a loyal friend... I think she keeps me around to have a cheap petsitter she can crap on.. Im a pushover I love animals and I like to be needed.. when I feel good I like to be able to do things... But I sure know I cant spend a 115 degree summer day in AZ hosing a horse down!!
    OK what can I do... How do I do this.. Im not good at declining... Still havent learned to say no.. still try to fight this illness...
    do I just say.. I physically cannot do it.. it isnt part of our agreement... just be honest???
    what would you do??
    sorry for the rambling...
    love you all
    soft hugs
  2. Tizz

    Tizz New Member

    There's an old saying : Give some people an inch, and they'll take a mile!

    Unfortunately, there are many people like that. Truly good-hearted people are the ones who most often seem to get caught up with them... Sad, but true.

    Another saying: "Nice guys finish last".

    "No" can be the hardest word to say in the whole English language... But we have to. You DON'T have to give up being a good-hearted person to cut your ties with someone who is taking advantage of you.

  3. hannahfaid

    hannahfaid New Member

    Hi jamin! how are you sugar?

    well, Im thinking of telling this woman.. I just cant do it... she knows better.. if she gets all bananas.. then she gets all bananas.. I dont mind if she gets a new sitter... Like I said I dont really even care anymore....

    In the beginning she was gonna show me how to saddle the horses and ride them a little.. nope...

    she doesnt even spend the time with them except the hosing them down no can do
    thank you... I needed a little push
    I guess I just have to worry about myself and not everyone else.... She will do the right thing with her animals
    I will do the regular sitting... just not kill myself hourly hosing... FINAL

  4. hannahfaid

    hannahfaid New Member

    Its so hard... I should know better than to make a friend of a client.... any other client I would say NOPE and be done with it... I have done things for this woman free ... petsits..shaved the horse (200.00 job I looked it up!).. I have gone above and beyond... and she is very negative.. Lately I have been trying to distance myself from her anyway because of the negativity...

    cutting those ties.. Im sure she will be pretty pissed when she doesnt get her way.. she pretty much thinks that shes going to makes these dates and Im at her beck and call.. Its not happening this time..
    Thanks again
  5. Doober

    Doober New Member

    You can tell her no more.

    Or you can either raise your rates and ONLY do the things you had agreed upon. Anything extra would be billed separately and paid before being done Like the hosing down hourly thing, seperate charge for each hosing, clipping the horses hair, charge her half of what others would have charged her.

    She clearly saw the window open to use you and hoped that you were as gullible as she thought you were.

    She clearly knows that she would NOT get the type of service she is getting from you at a cheap rate.

    There are so many people in this world that take advantage of their friends in such bad ways. Some people even EXPECT to to get the service from their friends VERY cheap or free as a "favor" for a friend, where normally a customer pays for.

    These are the people who have no care that people are trying to run a business to provide for themselves and their families.

    Believe it or not, NO is the easiest thing to say. But the hardest for some people to hear. Do only what is right for YOUR health and sanity.
  6. hannahfaid

    hannahfaid New Member

    thank you for all the advice...

    well, I tried calling her and got her vm.. I just told her she KNEW I was incapable of doing that

    much work especially in the heat.. I can barely groom my own dogs... I did let her know I

    could do the petsitting I had always done (although I REALLY DONT WANT TO)..

    she didnt call for 2 days... of course now she is calling like nothing ever happened..

    As much as I dont want to petsit for her anymore... I do care for the dogs and cats.. I do

    that its hard to find someone you trust.. I know it shouldnt be MY problem.. But when she does

    go , it will only be 2 days... so I will be able to do it... Not doing it for her doing it for Belle,

    Justice, Lady, Sis, Chance, Blu, and Midnight LOL

    Karma works in mysterious ways right???

    she did me a favor... I went on my website and adjusted my rates and now I DO have some

    horse experience... Plus she taught me which RED FLAGS to watch for... learned my lesson..

    NOT to get too friendly with a client again..

    Ill keep ya posted friends :)

    Love you all
    soft hugs and hope for less pain for you all today