How to start a fight

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by JimB51, Jan 25, 2011.

  1. JimB51

    JimB51 Member

    This won't be overwhelmingly popular on THIS board ...
    but what the heck! LOL! : )


    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
    Christmas gift...

    The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

    When she asked me why, I replied,
    "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

    And that's how the fight started.....


    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we
    were in bed.

    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

    'No,' she answered. I then said,

    'Is that your final answer?'

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    And that's when the fight started...


    My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and
    she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at
    a nearby table.

    I asked her, "Do you know him?"

    "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to
    drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
    hasn't been sober since."

    "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating
    that long?"

    And then the fight started...


    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
    that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
    take care of first -- the shed, the boat, making beer -- always
    something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to
    make her point.

    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
    busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched
    silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only
    a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said,
    "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


    My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

    She asked, "What's on TV?"

    I said, "Dust."

    And then the fight started...


    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

    She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in about 3
    I bought her a bathroom scale.

    And then the fight started......


    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch and
    slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
    proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing
    50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
    discovered that the
    weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
    undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back,
    now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there
    is terrible."

    My loving wife of 13 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid
    husband is out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started...

  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Thanks for the laughs. It really IS the best medicine. Well, that and a doobie, but that's another story :)

    Love, Mikie
  3. JimB51

    JimB51 Member

    I've been on the pro Health board for 7 yrs (except for the 3 yrs without a computer)
    and now and then I'd throw in a joke like this, but I interchanged the husband and wife parts.
    But now, after hearing all the D H jokes and comments for so long(which I laugh at),
    I figured I'd stir things up a little by tossing in a "wife joke' bomb now and then
    ... and wait for the fall out. LOL
    I've found the nicest friends on this board, people that are suffering, yet we encourage each other ... and sometimes even laugh at ourselves). : )

  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Once again, my sister just sent me these. Which leads me to wonder.
    Apparently my sister and you have some of the same friends.

    A few years back there were a lot of complaints by the majority of our posters
    (in terms of gender, not number) regarding the cost and trouble involved with
    wearing high heels and various restricting garments.

    So I thought I would strike a blow for women's lib and posted that it really
    wasn't necessary to do all that stuff. Most men wouldn't notice or care anyway.

    My post was promptly removed.