How to tell?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by therealmadscientist, May 15, 2007.

  1. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    Just a sort of philosophical type question that I've never been able to figure a satisfactory solution.

    "How can a person figure out if he avoids people because he doesn't care about people, or, if he avoids people because too sensitive and cares too much."

    Seems that behavior would be identical whichever of the reasons (though probably many rationalizations).

    Probably, I'm missing something obvious.
    [This Message was Edited on 05/15/2007]
  2. ckball

    ckball New Member

    Maybe he/she likes their own company enough that there is no need for other people's company on a daily or regular basis.

    Or maybe they don't like themselves and avoid because they don't think anyone else would like them either.

    People avoid for many reasons, these are just a few.

    My 2 cents-Carla
  3. Fmandy

    Fmandy New Member

    If you are trying to figure this out about somebody else, then I can understand the question. If you are trying to figure this out about yourself then you are the really, really therealmadscientist, lol...

    I go by my FEELINGS. I feel like....first of all I do not avoid people unless they are people that I dislike, so I guess the point is moot with one who doesn't avoid people in general, right?

    Those are extremes too aren't they? They are so far apart that they are getting closer....Now hain't that heavy? Ha ha ha. Still you should know the answer. Rock does I'll bet :)

  4. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    Thank you for the replies. Maybe I need to go back and rethink the question....maybe just forget about it! Just something I'd been thinking about for a few years.....before I was cured:)!

    [This Message was Edited on 05/16/2007]
  5. Fmandy

    Fmandy New Member

    Ha ha ha. I thought it was a good question. I wasn't trying to discourage you in the least. I love these kinds of discussions.

    Here is my question that I have been trying to figure out for years; why do some people have great insight into and about themselves and others do not?

    I know nothing on some level(s) about myself, or I have no self insight in some, or many ways. Some people do and I can tell. They also can tell.

    I guess it's a good idea to "know thyself" because Socrates said it, right? People that have known me for years tell me things about myself that sometimes are shocking.

    In psychology, they have a term and theory of knowledge of the self, knowledge of others and how they view yourself and so on and so forth and it is called a Johari window.

    from Wickopetera:

    *A Johari window is a metaphorical tool created by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in 1955 in the United States, used to help people better understand their interpersonal communication and relationships. It is used primarily in self-help groups and corporate settings as a heuristic exercise.
  6. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    Thank you: The Johari window an ingenious tool.

    I don't think I can help much with your question. I'm pretty sure I'm not one of those who get it.

    Probably has a lot to do with "should be", "want to believe" versus "unacceptable" reality. Maybe in early childhood, unattainable expectations weren't instilled in some people.

    I guess avoiding cognitive dissonance seems to be a general goal of humans.

    Meanwhile, for me, unfortunately, knowing myself is akin to searching into a jungle......of justifications, self deceptions, rationalizations, intense explanations of explanations, well meaning but ineffective attempts at who knows what, inexplicable omissions and comissions, and selective memories. Oh well. I tried.

    At least, I still have my pills:) Cheers, mr Bill
  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    A little intellectual discussion is always stimulating.

    I got a book on clear thinking for ten cents at the library book sale last week. This illustrates that there may be no connection between price and value.

    I got another one on the same topic at the library because it was in the new books section. The second book quotes the first. This illustrates how everything is more or less connected to everything else.

    One of the basics of scientific thinking is that statements that cannot be tested are of little value. Bertrand Russell said there may be a cup and saucer in orbit around Mars, but since we can't test this hypothesis, statements about it are meaningless.

    One of the good things about getting old is, I know what I know and don't have to worry about the rest. I know, for example, that my mental health was greatly improved when I got toxic people out of my life.

    I never heard of the Johari window before, Andy. That's very interesting since the concept has apparently been around for over half a centruy.

    "Heuristic" is a word I never encountered before I stated reading the above books. (This teaches us there's always more to learn.)

    I would just take the utilitarian approach to the initial question, TRMS. Do what makes you comfortable.

    As for insight, I discovered from various therapists over the years that the reason I was a perfectionist and had no self exteem was due to growing up w/ crazy parents who were never pleased. So some insight results from teaching and an openess to be taught.

    Anyway, this is getting way too long so I will now summarize...

    (Large hook comes out of wings and pulls him offstage.)

  8. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    Let me try abit,

    A person has to be willing to be honest withthemselves. And it dose help if we really want the truth.

    If you avoid All people and have no relationships, that is unhealthy, and you may do it because it's to painful to let people in.

    If you are sensitive and caring and don't want to overwhelm yourself, then one could narrow the field. It would be healthy, i think, to have 2 to 4 (however seems manageable to you) people you allow into your personal space, and try to be apart of theirs and really care about.

    Hopefully not toxic people. If a person can't truly care for at least, one or two other people, to me something is wrong. That needs looked at and fixed.

    Just my 2 cents, Of course for me the bottom line is what is taught in Gods word. That's the truth i weigh and measure everything else with, including my thoughts, and words.

  9. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    Guess it all goes back to: actions, not words. Know a tree by the fruit it produces. The singer, not the song.

    Know a newspaper by the words it prints? Know a TV station by the pictures it shows? Ok, I'm getting silly, again, I think, I am. Thanks , Cheers, your Mr Bill
  10. sisland

    sisland New Member

    I Can think of to say is Popey's Famous saying,,,,"I Yam what I Yam",,,,,,,,,,S