How would you explain YOU, to YOU?!!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ksp56, Nov 15, 2005.

  1. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    Just something I've been thinking about.

    I do believe there has been some good come from my diagnosis. As in, more compassion and understanding of others, accepting and liking myself etc. I am also aware of the changes I never would have expected, serval years ago.

    If I tried to explain myself to some of my closest family members, I know they would not 'get' the person I've become. In both positive or life changing ways. However, I do 'get myself' now.

    It must threaten and scare others. The only way they can deal is to think I don't 'do enough or push myself enough'! I know myself well enough to be contrary to others beliefs.

    Sometimes it truly angers me but, most times I know it is their loss. I am not as open with these people, including my mom, who I love dearly. It keeps an relationship from growing and exploring. The closeness remains more at bay.

    Give it some thought, how would you explain you to yourself! Interesting possibilities!

    I will look forward to your insights. We have so many positives,about US, to rejoice in! No matter how these DD's sometimes are at the helm...



    [This Message was Edited on 11/15/2005]
  2. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    Here is something I wrote on October 18, 2003 and shared with this Board under my old name, "bakron." I wrote this so I could explain to family what I was experiencing, or explain "me." The reactions were varied and confused.

    Where is the person called "I?"

    There is a stranger in a mirror, and that stranger touches it's shoulder, a familiar touch but yet so unfamiliar, someone looks back in the mirror with a puzzled look that look is familiar yet so unfamiliar.

    The mind makes the body walk with extremities that feel like they have leaded weights attached, forced movement, careful movement. The body has pain like a flu that doesn't pass. The pain has it's own mind and decides to move to areas that do not make sense. The body is so tired, a sick tired. A battle between the mind and body.

    The mind maintains, during the day it's important to maintain. The body wants to lie down and close it's eyes and sleep, but the mind makes the body's eyes stay open, while the mind goes to a misty place, not quite where the body is.

    The body feels so tired, the mind allows the body to put the head down, ah sleep. The sleep hurts, the sleep is not restful. And the sleep that isn't restful causes the mind to wake up, and then the body to have pain and nausea, and the mind won't focus. The mind is not quite there, but back in that misty place.

    Where is that person called "I"?

    "I" would be out of bed at the crack of dawn ready to mow the lawn and work in the yard to get a really good sweat! Ah, there's a memory of how the body and mind felt when sweat came!

    "I" would look in the mirror and take a shower touching firmly and cleaning firmly every inch of the body until it squeaked, and then be dressed and eagerly waiting for what might come that day with a smile, and feeling warm and "golden" all over.

    "I" would be cleaning the house all in one day, all the corners, and even while preparing for meals, doing the laundry, shopping for groceries, running errands. .
    The person that was called "I" is missed and grieved for.

    More thoughts:

    I'm more confident now about this disease; and now when I speak with my doctor, co-workers, or family I can say I don't feel well. I haven't succumbed to FMS/CFS because I don't give it credibility. My thoughts about the syndromes, they are non-sensical by nature, a non-entity, a non-thing or a nothing!

    I still remember the person who I was but accept who I am now, in the present. I love life, love people, and love nearly everything.

    There are times I feel like fighting the DD's, there are times when I feel like dying because I'm so fatigued and hurt so badly, there are times that I feel like forgetting about everything, and there are times when I want to believe that there is an illness called FMS or CFS and quit looking for something that seems so elusive.

    I am human with problems like any other human, with all the doubts, fears, and many sins that all share in common. Human is complex, and there is no easy way to explain me to me, or me to another.


  3. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    You expressed yourself so well!

    Thank you for sharing!

  4. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    LOL! Liked your answer.

    When you are done talking to yourself, let us know!

  5. shelbo

    shelbo New Member

    I would tell myself not to ask! :)

  6. bpmwriter

    bpmwriter New Member

    hi all,

    this is something i wrote the other day that seems to relate to the discussion, moral of the story being, we are not our emotions. we are all unique, lovable humans and others will choose to love and appreciate for us for our complications or they will not. if there's one great lesson in this illness, it's that of letting go, and getting back to the original post, i do believe that 'letting go' leads us toward greater levels of self-acceptance and love as well as empathy and compassion.


    Meditation and Emotion:
    A Suggestion for Defeating Repetitive Thoughts

    Everyone has repetitive thoughts. The nagging ones. The thoughts that make your chest heavy and won’t go away. Endlessly looping. No insight is gained. No lesson learned. Just rolling around on the inside of your head like a marble on a roulette wheel. Forever, on and on …you get the picture! The most effective way to combat such thought patterns (aside from removing one’s head from the body) is meditation. Many of us are uncomfortable with the topic of meditation as if its part of some esoteric realm to which we don’t have the key. On the contrary it’s very simple, and not the least bit esoteric. Setting aside for a moment the rituals of mediation (ie. sitting or standing) and proper breathing technique, take five minutes today and sit quietly while observing your thoughts. This direction might confuse some who associate meditation with an “emptying” of the mind, but for our purposes, accept that this is a variation of meditation specifically designed to deal with repetitive thoughts and it’s simply not possible to pull some metaphysical lever and just flush them away.

    As you sit, or stand, or lie down, and observe your thoughts, you will notice certain emotions come attached to each one. How did they get there? Subconsciously, we all assign values of “good” and “bad” to the events of our lives as well as the accompanying thoughts and memories, which in turn leads to a corresponding emotional attachment to them. It’s important to visualize here. Your thoughts and memories are married to these emotions, not you. Anger never proposed. Grief never put a ring on your finger. We are often told to take ownership of our feelings and emotions so I realize it’s going against the grain to say this, but forget the idea of ownership. It’s overrated. You do not own anger. You do not own grief. You do not own hurt. These are universal, human feelings. Archetypes even. This is not to say you should deny your emotions either. Emotion is etched in our DNA. But when you become to form a mental attachment to your emotions, you become them. We all know someone who can be described as an “angry person.” This person owns his anger. During your mediation, you simply observe the anger, make no judgment calls, and watch it pass. No ownership. No lease with an option to buy. Just let it go.

    Some might argue that such detachment will eventually turn you into an emotionless person. A certain percentage of people will say this even as they cling to prescriptions specifically designed to deaden emotions. But anyone who has ever experienced the emotional whiplash of withdrawing from such medications knows that emotions don’t just go away. When chemically treated like weeds in the cracks of a driveway, emotions often coming roaring back with a vengeance. I believe the practice of meditation practice I’ve described above facilitates an improved relationship with your emotions, which can only deepen your appreciation and understanding for the full spectrum including the positive emotions of love and happiness.

    Returning to the problem of repetitive thoughts, we relive such thoughts because of our attachment to the emotions involved. So in a sense, an “emptying” of the mind will occur as the practice of mediation deepens and there is less for the ego to grasp onto. In the mean time, have a garage sale. Someone is sure to swipe up your anger for a quarter and park it in his driveway next to the new Lexus. Ownership is a way of life. But do you really want to live in the house that anger built?
  7. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    I can't even explain me to ME let alone others. (-: Really. These invisible illnesses are so disconserting to me that I just don't explain. I can always blame it on depression, but I usually say I'm fine. Easier than getting into something that will make them uncomfortable and say things that will make me sad or mad.

    Let them think what they may...can't control that process.

    If I come up with a good line, you'll be the first to know.

    Have a good day, friend.

  8. NevadaRN

    NevadaRN New Member

    How would you explain you to you? I love that. I am going through the same thing. I have worked since I was 13 yrs old. I am a RN. I am used to being in control and in charge of any situation. Now all of a sudden I don't know who I am. I am 46 yrs old and had to take medical retirement.I have been a Nurse for 25yrs. It is all I know. I feel voulnurable. I feel like I am useless. I went to dinner with old co workers and felt like I was on a different planet. One of them told me I was LUCKY to not be at my hospital any more. I wanted to scream. Lucky? it's lucky to not be able to be in control of your life anymore? To not be able to make your own way? To not be able to drive sometimes. To not be able to do what you love? to not be able to help others go through tough situation. Yes I understand. I ask myself everyday. Who am I now? It used to be a male thing to have an idenity crises when they lost a job. Not anymore.

[ advertisement ]