HOW WOULD YOU HAVE RESPONDED TO THIS?(Church and disabled)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by bluestanglady, Jun 15, 2006.

  1. bluestanglady

    bluestanglady New Member

    This might be long -- sorry! Yesterday I was at the grocery store and saw one of the ladies from the church DH and I used to attend. (That's another story in itself but it basically came down to 'attend church, be involved, when you become disabled, you're forgotten' type of attitude). Anyway, she said something about she never came to the store on Thursdays. I said it was a good day for me to come because the stores aren't as crowded and I don't have to stand in line as long because of the pain. She said she was looking for a coffee pot for their new ladies Sunday School class. (Never invited me to it during the conversation). THIS IS WHAT MY POST IS ABOUT -- THen she says "we had a girl coming who said she had problems getting up the stairs to the classes, so we met downstairs. Then the girl decided that she couldn't attend both Sunday School AND church services so she stopped coming. (This is it) -- So now that SHE'S GONE we can go upstairs and have our own little class and have coffee and donuts." It was all I could do not to say something back!! I did say that it was sad that the girl had to stop coming but I understood why she couldn't attend both SS and church. It was like "she was holding us back from having our own SS class so we can have coffee and donuts." I told my husband about it when I got home and as soon as I said what she told me his jaw dropped and he said 'oh, I bet you said something.' I said, 'no, I felt like it wasn't worth it. She wouldn't have understood or cared anyway' But now I feel like I should have said something more. It bothers me that churches are so blind that they don't see that just because you can't do what you once could do that you're useless. Once after a really bad flare I came back to church and a guy (SS teacher) came up to me and said "Well, I'm glad to see you decided to get out of bed this morning and join us." So what do we say to these people? I've just gotten to the point of feeling it's useless to say anything because I feel they're totally ignorant!!
  2. TxSongBird

    TxSongBird New Member

    and they are accomodated to the max. It is very sad that all Church's can't accomodate the handicapped person who would like to attend. We have elevators in our church as well as wheel chair ramps, hand rails, classes that meet downstairs so that people don't have to go up the stairs if they are not able and we also have a Friday Nite For Parents of Severely Disabled Children where we hire medical professionals to take care of these children for 4-5 hours every Friday night so the parents can get away and enjoy some alone time.

    TxSongBird
  3. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    I think we expect more from people at church, but people will still be people and some behave well and some behave badly.

    Sorry this happened to you. Don't let it eat at you. Sometimes it is better just to say nothing rather than give people something to talk about and misinterpret.

    Lolalee
  4. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    You did the very right thing! Nothing. My friend, you can't cure stupid - or ignorant.

    One thing we must do while our insides are so very tender is to toughen up our outsides, theoretically. People cannot understand what they haven't experienced, period. Let's just say one advantage to this illness is that we learn to be more compassionate.

    I love Prickles suggestion about the flyers too. lol

    Marta
  5. uktim1

    uktim1 New Member

    hi bluestanglady
    your right they are ignorant and a waste of breath but i find most folks are when there fit and healthy they take it for granted and dont care about anyone els you would of thought your church would shown you more compation ahh well you tc :) tim
  6. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    I would leave pamplets about the illness and post a message on a board that anyone who wants to start a bible study online for people who are dissabled to contact you.Ruthie
  7. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    People can be so ignorant its unbelievable isn`t it. I have been disappointed in my church too. They don`t reach out to disables people at all unless its Cancer or something a very bad car accident.

    They still do invite me to some things but I still feel left out and forgotten. It really annoys me so much that I`ve really thought about finding a new church. I have gone to this one about 11 years so its hard to leave though.