hubby dumped me because of FMS

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by pastorwife, Nov 23, 2008.

  1. pastorwife

    pastorwife Member

    All this time I've been thinking how fortunate I was that my hubby was so supportive. Well, about 1 month ago, he said he wanted a divorce. His reason: I'm not active enough and not being a "pastor's wife". He also informed me that he knows other people with FMS that function just fine. I was shocked! He also said he has wanted this for several years. I guess 3 doctors, the student loan people, a life insurance company and Social Sec. have misdiagnosed me as permanently totally disabled.

    Surprisingly I was not devastated by this. I moved out. I bought my own car. I filed and got spousal support. I'm on my way to living a life of freedom and promise. I actually feel better emotionally. I don't feel so drained. I still ache and hurt physically, but it's like a burden has been lifted. I no longer have to care how he feels about anything.

    So I may change my userid so it no longer reflects someone I am not but haven't decided what a new one will be.
    [This Message was Edited on 11/23/2008]
  2. nicsavan

    nicsavan New Member

    I can so relate to your situation. I dumped my husband for exactly the same thing but reversed. I felt awful physically due to fibromyalgia with multiple symptoms. I was under a lot of stress with him and that just exacerbated my symptoms. He was so cold and rude so I dumped him. I also feel liberated. You have the strength to fight the disease if not so stressed. I also feel like a weight is off my back. Good for you!
  3. saffrondreams

    saffrondreams New Member

    I have FM, sarcoidosis and back herniation, with migraines also and since I didn't keep the house clean, and my drive was down, I gained weight with steroids. He asked me, "where is my skinny wife". Well, she got sick. I haven't filed for divorce yet because I had some insurance money from my Dad. Hubby got a good job in another state. - We haven't sold the house. He pays me nothing. I live off the disability. I have to go to social services to get help with electric. I live in a 200,000 dollar house and live like this. Well, he is about to be hit good now that he has a higher paying job and my money has run out.

    No matter what you say, the vows of in sickness and in health do not work for women, now if it was the other way around you know I would take care of HIM. It is not just or right.

    I have also been better off without the emotional turmoil he gave me and also not having to try and wait on him when I am feeling horrible.

    I understand. Good luck on your new life.
  4. quanked

    quanked Member

    I alwasy feel sad when I hear of the demise of one more relationship. Maybe because I know what it costs to finally let go of a bad, bad marriage.

    That said, I know a number of women who finally left or were forced to leave a bad marriage. Their lives improved so very very much both financially and emotionally. They grew stronger on many levels both as human beings and as women. In my opinion, and in their's, they were better off without the balls and chains.

    I admire you for letting go and moving on. I know how hard it is to move on even when one does not want to be in the relationship anymore. Having this dd must make it even more difficult than it already is. Comfort and good wishes to you. Embrace your freedom saffrondreams.
  5. pastorwife

    pastorwife Member

    I guess practice what you preach doesn't apply to ministers anymore. Divorce is becoming more prevelant and accepted for clergy. Ironically, he married a couple the very weekend after he asked for the divorce! And, they were people we both knew who are very religious. I'm sure he didn't tell them the truth when they asked where I was.

    I also believe that he is too chummy with his secretary. On the phone all the time when he was home talking and laughing with her which he admitted. He shut me out but I thought it was me misreading what was going on... it's just my depression...he's just so busy...I'm just imagining that there's something wrong.

    I don't know if I'll ever be able to step into a church again or look at a minister/preist in the eyes.

    I have wondered that if I was paralyzed and he could see that I simply couldn't do certain things then would he dump me or provide the support I need.

    Oh, but that's all water under the bridge and now I'm on the other side and not looking back and not going back.
  6. daylight

    daylight New Member

    Welcome to the first wives club. God won't let him get away
    with this. Sickness is not grounds for divorce. Your ex is just a
    white wash vessel and God knows it. He'll reap his reward. I know my ex did. He remarried a very demanding
    You truly reap what you sow.
    But don't give up on the people (the church) . God will guide you to the right fellowship where you will be used mightily.
    Your ex need to be de throned.
    Your going to be better for this in the long run .