hubby hurt my feelings

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by willruthie1965, Aug 28, 2006.

  1. For those who does't know me, MY hubby has had fybro for 7 years. I supported him for all those years waiting tables till he got his Dissability.

    About 10 months ago I got sick. He just took a small job like 15 to 20 hours a week because I have gotten to sick.

    Well last night I said, I hate for the day to come when I am so sick I can't get out of bed and have to quit work.He said oh if it is fybro that wont happen. I coudn't believe he said that, WHy the heck did you quit work than??Somehow it seemed that he felt it wasn't as bad for me or that I would never have to quit work. I didn't say anything to him .Does anyone else see this as being strange When he quit work he litteraly told me he coudn't get out of bed.

    I dont know if it is because he is working now.Or what.
    RUthie
  2. detsgirl

    detsgirl New Member

    I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can only image how terrible you must feel waiting tables. I did that for 10 years. I also did it through my first pregnancy. Thank goodness I was 19, no way I could have waited tables and be 9 months pregnant now. Got the best tips ever during those last months though....:)

    Maybe your husband is worried about the money. I don't know him, so this may not be it at all. Just a thought.



  3. Thanks for replying,For a 40 year old woman it is not the best choice especially when YOu get sick.I have been there for 8 years and they have me manage alot.Offered me to go into managing trainingg program God that would kill me LOL

    As it is now I can work like 30 hours a week. Ruthie
  4. srollins

    srollins New Member

    I THINK THAT IS PRETTY TYPICAL, actually. i don't want to sound as if i am bashing but i know for a fact with mine (of 43 years) if we both have headaches, his is worse.

    also i encountered over the years, when i was barely crawling to work.......he worked harder then i did. he knew this why????????????? because he made more money then i did.

    i know it is hard and i am sorry your feelings were hurt. i truly do not want to offend anyone with this reply especially the guys , i just want you to know that it is natural for things to be said such as the comment your dh made.

    i can not imagine having to wait tables. my dear, my hat is off to you. rest any chance you get.

    big hug,
    shirley
  5. What hurt the worse was he has been in this situation.Except he had a desk job. I didn't like losing about 45 thousand A year and health insurance but He was sick. Ruthie
  6. Loveyame

    Loveyame New Member

    sorry you got your feelings hurt. maybe he has forgotten how bad the pain was when he was so sick. another thought he might be afraid and was trying to not show it. You could always ask him what he meant by it. But beware you might not like the answer.
  7. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Ruthie, you had a hard, hard job and you are a saint to go to work to help out your husband. I'll bet he's worried out of his mind about finances with you sick now.

    Not that it's any excuse for being insensitive but you know, guys are sometimes pretty goal oriented....

    Take a deep breath and give him a break. I'll bet he'd be sorry to know he hurt your feelings.

    Marta
  8. eeyoreblue02

    eeyoreblue02 Member

    I'm sorry. Guys can be so insensitive without really meaning to be. I know if my husband has a sinus infection or a backache he thinks he is going to die, but he thinks I am supposed to keep going right on through the FM. I asked him to help me clean house recently. We had both worked that day and I was trying to clean house and cook dinner. He was watching TV. When I asked him to help, his response was, I can't do everything, you know!

    I'm sure he'll come around. I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. I do know how that feels.

    Linda
  9. Scapper

    Scapper New Member

    Sometimes people say things without even thinking.

    If it's something that is really bothering you, I would give him a chance to further explain.....if his answer is not acceptable, I would then let him know how you feel.....clear the air so you can let these feelings go.

    Unfortunately, harboring bad feelings only effects US.

    Do what is best for you and your peace of mind :)
  10. sandyblue

    sandyblue New Member

    Ruthie
    Cheer up, sometimes men, in my experience, speak before they think things through. I'm sure he is grateful everyday that he has had you to pick up for him.

    Most likely he prays everyday that it wont happen to you as well. Not just because of the financial problems that would arise, but also that you don't ever have to feel the pain of this debilitating illness, syndrom, or whatever they want to call it.

    I hope all is well with you and that you dont get Carpal Tunnel syndrom like I did after waitressing on and off for almost 20 years.
    Take care and may God bless you both.
    sandyblue
  11. gidgetsmom

    gidgetsmom New Member

    I am so sorry!! I do know how you feel!! My husband is usually great about helping around the house, but there's always the offhand comment that his pain is greater than mine and I get the hurt feelings too.
    He has alot of arthritis that causes his headaches. Our docs around here do not do pain meds..they send you to pain management, and he won't do THAT. I'm really glad he can manage his "unbearable" pain with ADVIL, but let me say something about pain and it's "just suck it up"!!
    Does he really think I'd take the trigger point injections/nerve blocks, lortab, flexeril just for fun?? I don't know if they really mean the horrid comments or not. I try to think they don't and just chock it up to "MEN", but it does hurt!!
    Just wanted to let ya know you're not alone in this!!!
    Don't let it get ya down! We all know better than "MEN"!!! LOL
  12. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    My ex. husband had a stomach flu one day. He (once a Gulf War soldier) said the most amazing thing: he was dying from internal bleeding and had a will done and taken care of, he knew it was time because of his chest pain.

    I evaluated him, I know he had muscle soreness from throwing up, had bile from it. He was of course well the next day.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/28/2006]
  13. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    BIG HUG for you sweetie!

    My hubby is the same way. If our backs hurt, his hurts more.

    My hubby has hurt my feelings so many times! Saturday I actually told him I was sick of him being so mean to me!

    He's been a little better since.

    Hope you are feeling strong and fiesty again soon!
  14. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    Do not give all your power to your husband. Point the facts out to him and demand respect for what you did. You don't have to be loud about it just direct.

    My husband had a head cold this weekend. It was very traumatic. This man will not go to a doctor or dentist. He begged an Ambien from me. Wanted to know what kind of antibiotics I had. None! I take mine - all; when I am sick. Oh give me a break!!