Hubby is driving me nuts

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by rosemarie, May 11, 2012.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    My husband of 32 years is driving me nuts. He hates his job and everything that goes with it. It pays better than any job he has had since 2009 when he was laid off for the reason of how much he made. He was making $27.00 and had fairly good insurance and poof like that it was gone.

    HE found another job and liked it ok but there was no place to grow , he would be in the same postion he started in no matter how long he stayed there. He found another job that paid much better but it has a longer commute an hour each way.The insuracne part sucks as it really does not have any. It has the you pay in to the insurnace fund and we pay part of the doctors bills, and not much of the prescriptions. NO dental insuracne , He has type 1 diebetes and this job has him so stressed that his blood sugars are HIGH HIGH all the time. So he is onery cranky all the time.

    Tonight I asked him to pick up some things from Walmart after all he is the one who buys all the grocery's,{unless I want some thing like my bare naked granoloa which is $3.75 a 5 oz bag.} but when he got home I was watching TV like I always do, I can't drive at night {long story} so when it gets late I am home and watch TV or read. I am even re-reading my old Christine Feehan Dark series books. to save money, I also can't find any new books that I like in that style, Vampire/romance and para normal books.

    Any way when he came home I was watching the last 20 mintues of CSI NY and not to go into the story line I had tears in my eye's and complained to my self about why it had to take the whole hour to see if Mac lived or not.?

    He came unglued, "What is it with you don't you know that it is not real, no real people, when you watch DAncing with the Stars you get all excited and get out your note book and write down every ones score's like it F*** matters. It is a damn TV show NOT real, so why do you get so into it. YOu need to get out and make friends do things, go places, not just sits on your butt at home whining becasue your "in pain and don't feel good" I am in pain every day of my life and I get up and go to work , get out of the house and on and on he went."

    When he is at home in the evenings he watchs more TV than I do all day long. He will watch every old episode of Bones there is and Cold case as well, I really get sick of all the loss of life show after show for three hours, It drives me nuts.
    If I get on line I am just wasting space, I am not doing any thing constructive. He can go on face book and talk/chat with friends. but when I do I over share things and get in trouble. He won't even friend me. Our daughters yes, me no. don't get it.

    I tried to explain to him that after 32 yrs of marriage he should know that I cry while watching TV, movies and even reading my books. I have tried till I am blue in the face to explain to him what fibro / oesteo-arthritis,mps, DDD, chronic pain does to me. NOt just what it does to people but to me and how I react to it.

    I am not him who never says a thing about how much he hurts, he yells and gritches about every thing under the sun but does not say he is in pain even when he is limping from some thing beingwrong with his back or hip.
    He gritches that I don't sleep at night, yet when I try to go to bed before 6 am he has a fit and tells me I am keeping him awake, or that I am hoggin g the covers when he has them pulled completely over to his side of the king sized bed. He even rips the bedding out from under the bed where it should be tucked in. He rips the convers out daily and for me to go to bed I have to remake the bed daily.

    He hate me taking my pain meds and tells me all the time how I "got addicted to them" His story is that since my MOm worked for a doctor for 26 yrs she would get me pain pills samples all the time. He says that she prescribed them not the doctor and just handed them out to me like candy. HOw the hell would he know?

    If you have ever worked for a doctor you can't just get the samples any time you want and hand them out to who you what and what you think they need. EVen back in the old days the narcoitcs were kept in the doctors private office that he would go into and stay in after seeing patients. He also locked the door 90 % of the time. So how was my Mom to just prescribe me pain meds?]
    I started taking pain pills just after my MOm went to work for a OBGYN and it was teh doctor who told her to give me a sample of Tyelonel #3 and soma when I had bad cramps. EVery time she brought home samples of any medication she had asked the doctor what he wanted to give me and because she worked for him and didn't make much money he had her use the samples. But every time it had to be oked by the doctor. I guess he does not think that even back in 1974 the doctor kept a detailed sheet of all the samples so he knew what he had and which sample guy to talk to about which drigs he wanted samples of. I got all my birth control , and hormones thru my doctor, Mom didn't even work for my doctor , she worked in the founding doctor of the clinic and I had some issues with him so I went to his partner.
    So inorder for her to get me any samples she had to speak to my doctor and ask him who would go to his sample cupboard and get out what he wanted me to have.
    AS you can tell this really piss;s me off becasue he does not listen to me or what I say just what even pops into his head is the right thing and of course he is always right.

    I can't get him to believe that fibro is real, that the pain is real more than he feels as we don't all have the same pain tolerance's , I have a high one so I am told but I dont' think so, but then I have been in pain since I was a child when I had leg aches, head aches, horrid nasty cramps , bad female problems , an early hysterectomy at 34 yrs old. SCREAM! I am so stressed because he takes his stress's out on me by yelling at me and it is all about dumb things like TV shows and which ones I want to watch.
    I am writing a novel here and that was not my intent. Sorry I just needed to vent, I can't go on like this as it is only causing me more pain , less sleep and constant worry about my husband whom I love very much, I just want him to take the time to listen to me once in a while, I want him to eat better and nogt die from Diebetes, . I don't know what to do any more. I am struggling to deal with his and all the other BS I have to deal with all the time.

    Thanks for listening to my rant
  2. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    So sorry you have to go through this. DH and I have been married 50 years this past Dec. and I starated with FM and probably some CFS (ME) for about 30 years along with hi b/p osteoporosis, osteoarthritis, hypo thyroidism, etc. etc. I started with this crazy pain then and that is when no one not even docs believed in it. Yep it was all in our heads. Well, I knew better and did alot of searching and taking of vits and supps. Not that takes away the pain, not really. I am really not taking many pain drugs as I am still busy doing things (or trying to). I refuse to stay home in bed and complain which is possibly what my DH would do. I do give up saying that I have a pain here or there cause then he tells me something hurts him on his body. Of course he is now 73 years old and I 71 so I do expect things to hurt more (good grief).

    I don't want to be drugged so I can't drive a bit so I usually don't take anything except an occasional OTC drug or 1/2 tramadol that may take the edge off sometime. I take a flexeril at night and 1/2 klonopin (generic) at night to sleep. I also need to take 2 b/p meds to keep it down. it is genetic plus the pain I am sure. I do love my galass or two of wine at dinner time :)!!

    DH says he understands but sometime I really don't think he does. No one really does understand unless they have the same or a similar problem, no matter what they say. I know I sometimes jump at him since I feel awful and he sometimes does start it with something he says too. I used to be soo patient and understanding but I'm sorry not so much any more although I do try to be.

    Don't worry about venting or ranting. That is why we are here and it helps me to rant or vent . It helps me just to be here even though I do not rant alot but I sometimes do vent :)!!!! he he

    He doesn't do much chatting on line. I do all that. I am also his secretary of sorts when he does want to write someone.

    I slso go outside and help sometimes even if in pain to help DH with some yard work which I hate. I hate to much of anything like housework, etc. I finally got someone to help with that occasionally but I do a lot more than I feel like doing cause I am tired of hearing about DH complain if something isn't done. I still do all the cooking or we would both starve :)! He does some girilling occasionally. I am now cooking a pork roast for a few of the kids that are coming tomorrow. Will go to church tomorrow and they will come right about as we get home. Soi have to be sort of prepared. Luckily also my dear dil is bring alot of the other stuff.

    I learned along time ago not to complain much since no one wants to hear it and it doesn't help anything at all. So, I try not to to much. I have gotten so now that I do tell people that I have FM. I never or hardly ever used to .Most people sort of seem to at least try and understand. I know that husbands are not always that understanding when we have to live with them all the time, even if they say they do.

    However, I have had problems with some relatives that I know that thought I was lazy and couldn' do anything to help my mother when ill or take her in part of the time. We also live a couple thousand miles away from each other. I also know the stress would have killed me. Also people, as you know don't understand if you look fine you must be which I know is the case with me at least.

    If your DH won't talk to a therapist maybe he could find someone with which to talk. Of course, I know many men especially will say there is nothing wrong with them and they don't need any help from anyone. Perhaps he also feels bad himself and then feels guilty about not being able to help you ( no cure for sure) so he just gets mad at everything, including you.

    I know this is no solution but I just had to write to you. Sorry it is so long !!

    Try and have good attitute. I know it is very hard sometimes, especially so if he comes home grumpy !!

    Hang it there sweetie . Can you get out much and do much outside with either friends, or whatever interests you? Is there anything at all you and DH used to enjoy doing together? Maybe you could do some of it again. I say some because I know there are alot of things that change when you get these DD's. However, if you give a little maybe he will (if you know what I mean). That is hard to explain.

    Hang in there girl. I will be busy the next couple of days bit I will come back to check on you , if you would like. Hope you can have a nice Mothers Day !!

    Granni ((((HUGZ))))
    [This Message was Edited on 05/13/2012]
  3. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    When is the last time DH went to the doctor and talked to him about his diabetes? I am sure the stress at work and you and worry about the bills too probably makes the whole situation worse and more stressful which doesn't help his diabetes.

    Not sure if you mentioned what he does to work that is so stressful. I know in this economy it isn't se easy to tell him to go find another job that is not so stressful. I know, one mof my daughters with 2 sons living with her now has lost her job and has been looking for some time to get one. Now she has to worry about getting one just to go into an apartment. She may have to get one that pays alot less than she was getting before (which wasn't great) but better than what some places are paying). She is a Medical Assistanct but did mostly insurance verification. She worked in a hospital.

    Stress, as you know just leasds to more stress and more physical problems. Maybe he could talk to his doc and he could suggest something that might help his stress. How is his b/p ?

    Well, I have to run for now but drop by and chat whenever you might like to. I will be busy tomorrow until evening and monday a.m. I will be busy also - singing monday morning with my small local group.

    BTW, my therapy is singing, think about it and you might have one too :)!!
    Editing below :
    BTW, as Frieda said, sometimes though you have to do what YOU can to get by. Don't know what else to do or say about your DH other than what I already said. Hope something will help in the long run. Yes, it can be a very hard situation.

    Yes, and these DD's can make you a lot more emotional. it does to me too.


    [This Message was Edited on 05/12/2012]
  4. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    If I had slowed down I would have read the things you were interested in, like handwork, scrap booking , painting and things like that. That surely can help to at least be part of your THERAPY. I surely wish I could paint, not very good I might add.

    Yes, I do know too even if you have something that you love and keeps you busy (from reminding you of all the pain, etc) that sometimes you will still be miserable and when DH (or anyone else) starts criticizing or yelling it is easy to yell back. I know that I do too. I know that he does try and be good sometimes :)!! So that does help.

    There are many times too when I want to just strangle my DH. So, it is not just your DH, BTW, my DH is also an only child so therefore sometimes selfish, I think.

    BTW, I also forgot to mention before that I checked your bio. very interesting. So glad that you did have info in there for us to read if we like, to get idea of whom we are posting or speaking to.

    Hope you are feeling better and your DH being more considerate. Yes, it does hurt when they act like they don't care, but I am sure they do.

  5. jole

    jole Member

    So much of what you wrote sounds so familiar. I think a lot of us go through that with our hubbies from time to time, and it's definitely not good to feel 'put down' by the ones we love. We're down enough as it is, right?

    But what I'm wondering often does this happen? If it's just an occasional thing, it might possibly be due to low blood sugar. I know it can cause a person to become very irritable and even mean at times if it's out of whack. My SIL becomes so angry and will yell at my DD/kids for absolutely nothing. She'd call me crying, and it finally dawned on me. She'd have him do a glaucometer reading and sure enough, it would be really low. Once he ate or drank some juice he'd become his old self again. There was just too much time between lunch and the time he got home from work, plus the job stress. Might be something to check into.......

    Other than that, just remember we all have those times with inconsiderate spouses, and no matter what, you are NOT worthless, and if you could change your health and be 'normal' you certainly would. Crap, we all would!! TV, reading, etc. is our way of coping, and we all do what we have to do to make it through each day, so it's okay.

    Hang in there, and remember we're all right beside you! Hugs....
  6. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    AFter I wrote this my Dh appoligized for being so cranky, his sugar's were out of whack and I told him that it worries me that his sugars are so high so often, and to please get them checked out. If not for him self for me and his grandkids.

    He usualy tells me he is sorry after he blows up. many years ago he was quite the drinker and when he stopped he told me that drinking gave him an out and he forgot about all the problems he had. NOw that he does not drink he does not have that out. But I said that he has many friends who enjoy his Mountian man , black powder guns. He agreed.

    We need to find more things that we like to do together and I need to start painting again, I am quite good at it adn it does relive my stress's. I am not so great at getting out and making new friends. I don't attend church as it cause's me more pain than I get out of the service.

    My hubby is aproject mangager for a steel building company and he has been realy stressed since he too this job in Jan of this year. I don't know if it is due to the long commute, or just people he works with. HE does not talk about what it is that is stressing him out.

    We do try to work things out and not stay mad at each other. HE was really sweet and got me a nicest card for mothere day and even bought me some of my bath bombs and melts from LUSH. He and the girls did this together. It made me happy as he is not one who does well with aromatherapy bath products, but these are not so strong and I usually cut each in half to make them last longer and so that the scent is not so strong.
    HE is really a great guy and I love him with all my heart. We are talking more since I wrote this post.
    I have changed in the past few years and aaam not the meak little woman I was , I now speak up when things bother me and I don't think he is used to it still.

    Thank you for all the suggestions. I will try them out and see how they work. HUGS for all
  7. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear your hubby apologized to you and got you some little things for you to enjoy. Somertimes those little things are the best. Hope some of the suggestions we have mentioned will be helpful.

    Speaking of husbands, mine is calling right now to watch the Hockey Game. The Rangers are playing and he (we) hope they win but I don't have to watch. We used to live in NY. At least we were born and raised there. Now we're Texanites and have been here about 30 plus years.

    I know what you mean about changing. I am the same. I don't think he likes it when I talk back to him after he yells or says something not to nice to me. I never used to either but with this pain I have no or little patience for that stuff any more.

    Hope you come back and chat with us !! Thanks for posting here. Just venting will make you feel better !

    Lots of Hugs,