Hubby said "I need to get BETTER" ?? Venting

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by bunnyfluff, Mar 14, 2006.

  1. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    I really thought he had an understanding that this was a chronic disease, and there was no cure. Then, he comes up with this! He said I am not *trying* hard enough to get well, because I stopped exercising when my CFS flared. He cannot seem to understand that it made me feel violently ill.

    I have gone back to work full time, and I do not mind telling you that I earn well into 6 figures, and that has a huge impact on my decision to return to work. He, of course, likes the money, too, as it makes it easier for his business to grow as well as our portfolio. We have plans this year to build additional commercial property, as well as a larger home for investment, so quitting work to focus on my health is not feasible.

    I tried to explain that to truly get *BETTER* (and I am pretty well managed) that I would need to quit my job to remove stress, focus on working out at the gym, diet, massages, maybe just do hobbies of crafts.

    I can tell he is getting to resent that I am not 100%, and that he feels like he is stuck with a defective person. I try not to complain about my illness, but it is pretty apparent he is sick of me being sick. Of course, not as much as I am tired of it!!

    I know this affects the whole family, and maybe we should go for counselling. You know, I have known this guy for 27 years, and I always thought he was my friend.

    Thanks for letting me vent. This DD stinks.
  2. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    I am sorry you have to deal with this on top of your job and regular stresses. Counseling may be a good idea. Maybe show him more info about the dd (if oyu haven't already). Unfortunately there is no way to "make" people understand. I hope you find a way to work through it together.
  3. pemaw54

    pemaw54 New Member

    This disease does stink!! Im so proud of you for going back to work. I wish I could, but I couldnt handle the stress anymore. I finally found water classes. They have been a miracle for me. I sat in this house for a yr. Lost all of my work friends and most of my family doesnt understand at all. I have a wonderful husband who has been so supportive, but everytime I think he gets it, he says something stupid and I realize the only people who understand are the ones who have it.

    I wish the best for you, we are here and someone will always listen even if we cant give you all of the answers

    Suzette
  4. Lindy2

    Lindy2 New Member

    I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better but I'm not to good at putting my thoughts together. (fibro fog)

    First let me say that congratulations on going back to work because that is definitely a hard thing to do when you suffer. I had to leave my career after 15 years last year and I want to go back to work sometime this year hopefully when our daughter starts kindergarten.

    Counseling sounds like a good idea if he is willing to go but is there a chance that maybe he is starting to show his frustration because he knows he can't help you himself?

    Please don't get me wrong I understand you completely but I think sometimes our spouses feel lost and get angry that they can't make us better which then comes out as anger or frustration.

    I was once married before and I'm now remarried to a wonderful man and we have 3 great kids but to this day he has always been supportive of me and wants to do everything he can to help me feel better.

    In my first marriage I never had any support and was not even allowed to go to the doctor or miss a single day from work.

    Still no one truly understands what we feel like unless they have walked in our shoes.

    Sorry this post is so long but I will be saying a prayer that everything works out.

    Lindy



  5. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    Fear very often shows up as anger. He is probably afraid that he is losing the woman that he married and possibly the life that he has become accustomed to. That is understandable.

    I remember early on in my illness my husband approached me with a an advertisement for a supplement that was supposed to "cure" FMS/CFIDS. I didn't feel that it was for me. I didn't believe the ad. I had already tried so many "cures" and I was stil not better.

    My husband got so upset with me. He said "Don't you want to get well. Are you just going to quit and give in to this thing?" I realized that he was afraid for me and for himself. We talked and gradually he understood (as best he could).

    You are fortunate to be able to work, even though I'm sure it is not easy for you. Hang on to your job for as long as you can. This DD steals so much from us.

    Best of luck,
    Lolalee
  6. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    He so wants to *fix* everything, and make it all better, and there is no fix for this. I'm sure it is as frustrating for him as it is for me.

    I told him that every time I have a relapse and get sicker for a period of time, it really scares me that it could be a permanent state, that "this time" I've gone too far, pushed myself into such a state that I can't get it back. That no one wants to be "normal" again more than me. But sometimes I just get tired of fighting the good fight, you know??

    I never understood the phrase "if you don't have your health you don't have anything" until I had this. Some days I just don't have it in me to fight for the right to partayyy, so to speak.