Hubby with Fibro

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by missypjc, Oct 3, 2005.

  1. missypjc

    missypjc New Member

    Hi,
    My name is Trish and my husband has fibromyalgia. I'm trying to find out as much as I can about this because I need to know what he's going through. He was diagnosed with fibromyalgia earlier this year. I really didn't know anything about this when he was diagnosed. Just this weekend he has finally sat down and talked to me about everything that he's going through. I was a little upset because he never really told me about it. He told me the reason why he didn't say anything is because there is nothing I can do for him. I think he's wrong. Sure there is nothing I can do to stop the pain, but I can be here for him to vent if need be. I guess the pain is getting so bad now that he's having anxiety attacks. He had one last week so bad on the way to work that he started hyperventalating. He never pulled over until it passed, he just kept heading to work. He was afraid that if he pulled over that he wouldn't come out of it. It scared me to death when he told me about this. I needed to find a place where I can come and talk about this with people that have this or has a family memeber that has it. I guess I'm looking for a support group of my own so I won't mess things up where my hubby is concerned. I just want to make things easier on him. He's job is stressful enough, he doesn't need that at home.
    I hope I have come to the right place. I wouldn't mind hearing feedback from anyone.

    Thanks for listening....Trish :)
  2. vertiesmth

    vertiesmth New Member

    HI TRISH, SO GLAD YOU ARE SO SYMPATHIC TO YOUR HUSBAND CAUSE THIS IS REALLY A SHOCK TO YOUR SYSTEM WHEN YOU DEVELOP IT. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO THINK ABOUT IT. BUT STARTED ON THE INTERNET TO READING EVERYTHING I COULD FIND. YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED AT THE INFORMATION OUT THERE. AND THIS SITE IS GREAT AS YOU WILL FIND OTHERS WHO HAVE SIMILAR SYMPTOMS AND IT KINDA EASES YOUR MIND AND YOU FEEL LIKE THERE IS HOPE OUT THERE SOME WHERE. WHAT WORKS FOR ONE MAY OR MAY NOT WORK FOR HIM. BUT NEVER GIVE UP. I WENT INTO MAYOCLINIC.COM AND FOUND OUT A LOT OF STUFF. THEY SAY ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IS TO GET DEEP SLEEP, WHICH US WITH FM DONT GET. SO MY DR. PUT ME ON XANAX AND PROZAC FOR MY NERVOUS SYSTEM. AND IT HAS HELPED ALOT. THERE WILL BE OTHERS WHO WILL COME UP WITH THINGS THAT HAVE HELPED THEM. JUST HAVE TO TRY TILL YOU GET IT RIGHT.
    CATCH YA' LATER. LOVE, VERTIE
    [This Message was Edited on 10/03/2005]
  3. bozey

    bozey New Member

    First off, welcome to the board. Second, you came to the right place. There is loads of information on here. And believe it or not, you are already helping your husband just by listening to him. Let him know that he can always tell you when he is in pain or feeling crappy. Believe me, it will mean alot to him.

    I am sure it is harder on a man because they don't like to admit they are sick anyway. You say he is working, when he comes home, make him rest for awhile. Most men think they don't have time to rest.

    If your hubby has time, get him on here and have him ask questions about anything that is ailing him. You won't be sorry.

    Sounds to me like he has a very special wife to care enough to come on here and ask for help for him. Take care and come back often with any questions you have.

    bozey
  4. trinity3

    trinity3 New Member

    yes, you have come to the right place...

    yes, eventually most people with fibro develop either anxiety or depression or both!! it is scary because you never know when you are gonna feel too sick, or be in too much pain to continue what you are doing.... and it is especially upsetting when it involves doing things that you have always been able to do!! i was a nurse for 10 years before i got sick and i was used to being very energetic and independant!

    but as the fibro progressed, there were more and more things i couldnt do...and i have gotten to a point where i dont know if i will even be able to continue my nursing career.. and it is very discouraging... you start seeing all of these 'losses' in your life...

    it is wonderful that he has a wife who wants to understand!! so many of our family members/friends just think that this is 'all in our heads' or something... please know that what he needs most from you, and the best way you can help him, is to just understand how hard it is to live with PAIN every day...on and on...over and over... and to watch it ruining everything you want for your life...just support him.. you are already on the right track!!

    i hope his case is not too severe.... it is good that he is still able to work!! does he have a doctor that is treating his fibro?? does he have anything/meds to help with the pain??

    please dont hesitate to ask any questions.. the more you understand the more you will be able to help him...

    *sending blessings*
  5. getfitat40

    getfitat40 New Member

    Trish,
    First of all bless you for trying to educate yourself to help your hubby! The more time you spend here the more you will be able to help him. You will see that many people here do not have the support of their spouses, family and friends. I applaud you for finding us.

    My advice for you is to read and read on this board. I have learned so much from these wonderful people and I thought I was fairly well educated on Fibro. I think I have every book out there and while they help, it is a sense of comfort and security I feel here among people who know and feel like I do. I would encourage you to get your hubby to visit us too. There are not as many men as women that have this awful disease, but I think he would find some comfort in knowing he is not alone.

    Last, you both need to find a good caring doctor - rheumatologists are becoming more and more educated in Fibro and there are not only meds that will help him, there are tons of supplements and other alternative methods to help him feel better.

    There is a "good doctor" list on this site. If you don't see one in your area, start a post with need to find a doctor in.... It is amazing what advice and help you will get here. His anxiety attacks are common and a good doc can help him get them under control and keep him safe.

    The toughest thing for me is having this invisible disease that no one understands. I don't feel so weird or alone since I know I am not alone. Hang in there and continue to be the loving wife you seem to be.

    Nancy
  6. missypjc

    missypjc New Member

    I want to thank everyone for their kind words. I'm trying my best to find out all I can about Fibro. I really never knew what this illness can bring and my heart goes out to each and every one of you who has this. My husband is a very strong, loving, and caring man. He works in a steel mill and is a very hard worker. He doesn't complain about his aches and pains. He does take meds for the pain (not sure what it is). Right now he is seeing a doc for his anxiety attacks. He is looking into seeing a speicalist for the fibro. Actually all of this is new to both of us and we're both learning unfortunately he has to learn the hard way with the pain. I just have to read and try to understand what he's going through. It does help having somewhere to go and ask questions and to vent yourself. I just hope I do the right thing for him.

    Thanks again for all your support and I will stay in touch with everyone. I will even mention this site to him.

    God Bless all of you.....Trish :)
    [This Message was Edited on 10/03/2005]
    [This Message was Edited on 10/03/2005]
  7. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Welcome! You will have to tell your hubby to join in, too!

    Is he going to his primary care doc or going to a specialist? A lot of people will go to a rheumatologist. Like all docs, some know a lot about fibro, and some don't.

    He might also want to look into taking a sleep study. Most people with fibro have sleep problems. They might think they are sleeping, but they aren't gettin the right kind of sleep.

    I have to sleep with what they call a CPAP machine with oxygen going into it. It REALLY helps.

    Also, an antidepressant called Cymbalta, helps with the pain a lot. I don't know if he could take it and something for anxiety, too.

    Neurotin is also a med that helps with the pain a lot - it works on the nerves -- it's NOT a narcotic pain pill!

    If he works at a steel mill, he'll have to be very careful on what he takes--that it doesn't make him drowsy on his job and end up getting hurt.

    Soaking in hot tubs help, or taking hot showers.

    Sitting with a heating pad on my low back helps--I use it all evening while watching TV!

    I hope his doc can give him some help!

    Take care,
    Janet
  8. getfitat40

    getfitat40 New Member

    Hi Trish,
    I live in Chicago, but am origninally from Highland, IN. When you said that your hubby worked in a steel mill, I knew you were either from the Region or lived in Pittsburgh ;-)

    I have a doctor recommendation for your husband but it is in Chicago. Dr. Robert Katz works out of Rush University Hospital (just south of the Loop). He has been named as one of the best doctors both in Chicago and in the country. He is a rheumatologist and while it would be a trek for you both into the city, I think he is worth it.

    Sorry if I seem to be a buttinski but I can't help myself with the doctor! Google him and you will see that he is active in Fibro research.
    Nancy
  9. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear Trish,
    I'm so sorry that this illness has come into you and our hubby's life. It is wonderful that you are so understanding. You don't know what a blessing your love and acceptance will be to him.

    I've had Fibro since about 1980, and I can tell you, it is an ever present part of my life. People with Fibro do not regenerate after sleep or rest the way others do. What they can do one day, they cannot do another. Chronic Fatigue frequently comes along with Fibro, compounding the neurological and physical symptoms.

    I agree with the others that reding as much as you can, especially pieces written by those who have it, will really help. Just , please, don't expect him to have the same activity level he had before. There may be days when all he can do is manage to get out of bed and go to work. On those days he will probably be fighting pain and exhaustion, every second.

    I'm not trying to scare you, but there is no good hiding the truth from you. Your love and gentleness, and what you do to help him continue to feel worthwhile, will be a wonderful blessing to him. Please don't feel bad if , at times, you feel you don't understand. No one can fully undertstand these illness unless they have had them.

    Lastly, keep a sense of humor.

    God bless you both.I'll keep you in my prayers.
    Hugs,
    Terry
  10. missypjc

    missypjc New Member

    Hi Everyone....thanks again for the support. I'm going to explain a little more about my hubby. He is 41 y/o, he works for a steel mill (like i said before), with his job he works different hours. Right now he is working midnights, but after this week he will be transfering into a different job. I don't know what his schedule will be then, but I will assure you it won't be the straight midnights he has been on. He already sleeps with a CPAP machine, actually we both do. He was diagnosed with sleep apnea about 10 years ago. He trys to stay active as much as he can because he doesn't want this to take away from his life and he won't let it. He has a SIL that has MS and she's letting it run her life and he is determined NOT to let that happen to him. He knows and understands his pains and he knows when he needs to rest. Now that I'm beginning to understand it more he won't have to do as much. I just never knew what he was going through and now I feel so bad that I just took what he did for granted.
    I want to say thanks for the recommendation on the doctor. I will look more into it and tell my hubby about him.
    I will also tell my hubby about this site and bring him here. I'm sure this will help him out.

    Thanks again everyone, I feel blessed to have found this site.

    Trish :)
  11. Empower

    Empower New Member

    Hi Trish

    Come here anytime to read the posts and get info for your husband.

    Fibro is a strange disease with many wierd symptoms. Of course pain and fatigue are the major ones, but there are so many other ones that people experience like dry eyes, tingling in extremities, sleep problems, headaches, temperature intolerance.

    I sympathize with him and the panic attacks. I did the same thing he did once....I just kept on driving. It was VERY scary, and looking back, I SHOULD have pulled off the side of the road.

    I have been good on the panic attack issue (knock on wood) but they are frightening.

    There isn't a CURE for fibro, but there are things he can do to relieve some of the symptoms.

    God bless you for being supportive of him. It isn't an easy thing to do, since it is an INVISIBLE disease. People always tell me I look great, so I give them the ol Billy Crystal/Ricardo Monteban line "better to look good than to FEEL good!"