Hurt feelings anyone? Alot going around it seems, !!!!!!PLEASE READ THIS !!!!!!!!!.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Debgene56, Mar 29, 2003.

  1. Debgene56

    Debgene56 New Member

    I am suffering the affects of having a abcessed tooth pulled and swelling and a sinus infection, so I haven't posted or answered much. Haven't really felt like I could give it my all.

    But I have been reading thru so many posts and there are alot of hurt feelings going around. I have been sitting back and saying to myself, ohmy, here it comes and it has.

    Sometimes people are just looking for support and sympathy and then someone who is really honest with thier feelings will say what they think. But maybe it wasn't what the other person wanted to hear at that time and it blows up, cause the person posting is in a bad way and maybe more sensitive at the moment. So the fireworks begin and have alot lately.

    If you post something it is because you want to be heard and your looking for a response. I personally feel everyone here has alot of good in them. I think if the people responding didn't care they wouldn't bother to respond. We are not always going to like what we hear. I know myself. I posted about being in pain and Danisue very honestly wrote back. " I don't understand, you say your in pain, yet you won't take anything for it". Someone else wrote strongly something like, you may not want to but you need it, so just do it. Did I get upset? No, I did not, but it opened my eyes and I re-thought my situation. They were right and I was wrong. But I opened the door by looking for advice.

    Sometimes were just looking for emphathy and sometimes were looking for advice. If you just want the emphathy then maybe we should state that I can't deal with anything now but soft hugs and understanding from everone. Three people that I know of got blasted unfairly in the past three days. They thought they were helping because they cared and they got bitched out unfairly.

    This has happened quite abit since I joined a month or so back. I would really like to see this as a positive site. We don't won't to loose people because of hurt feelings. So to the ones who have felt hurt, did you really see the responder as being a mean hateful person? Or as a person that wasn't telling you what you wanted to hear but maybe what you needed to hear.

    Aren't we all grateful for the wonderful people here? For all the support and love? For having a place where we can vent and cry and love and share and smile and feel. Where we can even ask so called stupid questions? Where we have a place to go, because the outside world dosen't understand or seem to care? Ok, what if all the computers crashed forever and we were all on our own again, WOULDN'T YOU THEN BE BEGGING TO GOD OR YOUR OWN HIGHER POWER FOR ALL THOSE INSENSITIVE HONEST PEOPLE THAT HURT YOUR FEELINGS TO COME BACK AGAIN?

    Please everyone think about what I have said. Our good moments are to short and few in between to deal with this. We come here, because we are loved and we all know it. So everyone, please ponder this for awhile and let's all try to make this a better site.

    Much love to all and gentle hugs!!!!!!!!
    Deb
    [This Message was Edited on 03/29/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/29/2003]
  2. Debgene56

    Debgene56 New Member

    Please keep this bumped up.
  3. teawah

    teawah New Member

    We're on the same page!!! I just posted something along the same lines. There have been alot of people apologizing and others feeling bitchy. I think it's just a part of being human and VIVA LA DIFERENCE!!!!!

    I love hearing all the opinions and wouldn't have it any other way.

    Everybody hear has something to offer me and I love them all, each and every one, even if they piss me off.

    If it hurts it's usually true. I get hurt alot.

    Love,
    teawah
  4. jstbrznby

    jstbrznby New Member

    That is why we are human and hopefully empathetic. I sure hope I don't ever hurt anyones feelings but I have been misunderstood more than once in my life for sure. I have always been outspoken and honest, so I hope I have enough empathy to go along with it to never hurt feelings here!!!!! Hugs to all with Feelings!.......Pam
  5. starstella

    starstella New Member

    for your encouraging messages. Deb, you were especially eloquent, and teawah, i applaud your astuteness. this board has become very important to me after feeling so alone with my symptoms and my constant efforts to stay on top of this dd. i feel like i've been through so much and love the opportunity to share that this board provides. my family cannot believe how frequently i check in to the board! bu they just don't understand what i have gone through and yu cannot always be talking to someone who is well about how bad you feel.

    what you wrote is just what i needed to hear (read). thanks again.
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Being sensitive seems to go with the territory with our illnesses. So much of the time, it is simply that someone is hurridly answering a post and because we can't see each other's facial expressions and tone of voice, it is easy to misunderstand.

    Sometimes, I want to respond, but because of time restraints, I get right to the point, which may seem terse. I mean no disrespect.

    It is fine to have a debate here with differing points of view as long as we keep on topic and don't get personal or treat one another disrespectfully.

    I appreciate your attempt to keep our board a sensitve and caring place for our members.

    Love, Mikie
  7. bejo

    bejo New Member

    I know that I try to never hurt anyone's feelings,but I'm not real good with words.Sometimes when I reread what I write I change it around to better explain what I'm trying to say.But I'm sure there are times when it still doesn't sound right.Oh dear my fog is thick today and I can't even get this right. LOLOL So I'll just say Amen to what everyone else has said,and send ((((())))))
  8. kerrymygirl

    kerrymygirl New Member

    Thanks Deb my thoughts exactly. I was planning on forgetting about this board feeling some people were sort of just hidding behind it. I read also people just trying to help and I felt bad for them when they got a not so nice post. Don`t get me wrong I am a libra,analytical and always try to see both sides. I also enjoy a good "healthy pro and con conversation. I am not a computer person because I like person to person contact,which now is very little do to this dd. So here I am, but to have anyone hurt more than they are hurting hurts me more. Please people do not forget tactfully and nicly putting your oppositions. I have learned alot here and also hope if I helped just one person I would feel better. I still was debating earlier whether I should be here. I just feel so much of peoples pain and I am a doer and want get something done for us but not by others creating ANYMORE pain in ones life. Golly for a good tennis match again. When people were rude I just beat them with my next tennis shot. That shut them up. Sweet Hugssss
  9. lmn

    lmn New Member

    you hit the nail on the head. a little kindness and compassion goes a long way. we all need love and
    understanding.
    take care,
    lmn
  10. Bellesmom

    Bellesmom New Member

    I think what bothers me one day probably wouldn't the next day. Plus, I'm not always here to see what you all are talking about so I am not always sure what starts some of our topics.

    I, too, miss being around people but only to a degree. Some folks are very hard to understand but then I'm sure that's what someone might say about me. So there is give and take in one on one contact but on the board we can't see body language and so are open to mis-interpretation much more I suspect.

    I just love this message board. It's the only place I can put aside my situation for a few minutes (some days I can only sit up a few minutes) and find out what's going on with everyone else. Just wish I could reach thru cyberspace and comfort you or listen as a friend in person because only "us'ns" can understand this dreadful stuff we're going thru.
    I have to tell you the truth, tho - you would be so put off by my appearance that you would all run screaming into the night! (lol)

    Good subject and I just wanted to "drop by" and chat about it.

    Pam
  11. baby-bear

    baby-bear New Member

    Every body has said the best. We all suffer and we all are sick of this DD, but we ALL need to take a look at each others feelings. We all are here for a reason and this board is SO positive to me. If it wasn't for this board I would be crying and depressed daily. I have met some wonderful people here and respect EVERYBODY'S opinion and advice. We all should take in consideration we are all different to that degree.... and we are here to help and cry and vent and lean on each other!! We all are each a unique individual and each of us are our own person. We all are great and should be commended for all we do here on this board and also for all the unselfish reasearch that some of us poor sick people do for each other. We all need to be grateful and love each other as I do you!!!!!...Love Pammy
    [This Message was Edited on 03/30/2003]
  12. Plantscaper

    Plantscaper New Member

    main purpose has been to search for solutions to these DDs....and I tend to be goal-oriented..but, when I question ideas, it is not intended to be demeaning to anyone..I have, always, had a too curious brain, and wanted to be able to solve the problem..so that is how I approach a task, but it seems to be leading to personal rejection...

    I thank everyone who responds to my posts, whether I agree with them or not, but I have noticed, that some people have been very critical of what I have said in my responses to them.. It has kept me from responding to some, that I might have had some info on...I, hope, that we can move beyond these misunderstandings and grow to new heights.

    I don't mean to personally demean anyone..and I try not to take things personally...I know, though, that we all have been through a tremendous amount of pain and loss, and it is great to be able to vent those frustrations, but let people know, that is what you need, because some of us are in brain fog...or don't know you, well...

    I am tossing the ideas around to seek the best solutions, not to threaten anyone emotionally...But, if you really knew me, I am not the one who will abandon one when everyone else does..I have always fought for the underdog..to the point of extreme exhaustion...that's why I'm here...

    TO BETTER AND HAPPIER CONNECTIONS,
    AMELIA[This Message was Edited on 03/30/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/30/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/30/2003]
  13. afeni

    afeni New Member

    Hi Deb,
    I have always been one for honesty. For me, that is what establishes trust in a relationship. And people will disagree, because of different views, as well as different experiences. But sometimes a different view is what we may need to answer a question. I have read all kinds of different views here. And they have opened my eyes to so much.

    And I find myself feeling like a friend to so many people here, its kind of amazing to me.

    And it is so true, that we are more sensitive because of the things we have to go through in our lives. But I know that it is love that draws me here time and time again. And
    I hope that people feel my love and friendship in the posts that I write.

    Never would I want to hurt anyone, especailly here, in a place where we all come for solice and support. But I will always be honest, as a true friend should be.

    So I am hoping that when I write something, the people reading will know that its with the best intentions and an open heart. And that I hold the highst regard for the people who go through all this stuff everyday. And I respect other peoples views always.

    LOL Afeni
  14. LynneH

    LynneH New Member

    I agree that we need to be just truthful but not in a way to hurt others. I must have missed something also. My posts are still there for everyone to see. I realized, after the fact, that I had upset someone. You can see the posts I made....under Dr Phil rescheduling his show and
    the one about dying from our syndromes. I wasn't trying to upset...I was only saying what I felt.
    I have been with this board almost since its' beginning and seen many people come and go...with some coming back...as is my case. There have always been differences of opinion and the only thing I have noticed that has changed has been people much more willing to be real and more adult-like. If I am wrong, I can say it. If my opinion differs from yours', I can say "let's just agree to disagree." I think we can all do that. There is very nice group of people here and I'm glad that you are so caring. Also, Mikie and Shirl have made it a nicer place to be.
    LynneH
  15. Debgene56

    Debgene56 New Member

    So happy for the positive response to my post. We are all here for one reason and that is to bond with our dd friends. There are a few names I would like to see answer this. We are all fmily, and like all families, sometimes we have to clear the air. Much love, Deb
  16. missvickielynn

    missvickielynn New Member

    ......of talking too much.........

    ......of being hypersensitive........

    ......of obsessing.........

    ......of not always practicing what I believe.......

    But......"all have fallen short....."

    I also try very hard........

    .....most of the time........

    .....to carefully word my statements, feelings and opinions, so that they will not be misunderstood......

    .....to imagine myself in another's situation......

    .....to just let things go even if I feel hurt.....

    .....and to be willing to admit when I am wrong....

    .....or to make peace....even if I am right.....

    .....and to not expect more than I am willing to give.....

    I hope to do better!

    I hope not to have any more crazy moments.

    And I hope to be forgiven if I do.

    Vickie

  17. Debgene56

    Debgene56 New Member

    While you were answering this post, I was answering yours. I am so happy that you are doing better, and I know you did not deliberately get upset with your post. It just happened due to everything, and it seems a happy ending for all involved. Love, Deb
  18. pearls

    pearls New Member

    I often answer posts with my opinion, which may be contrary to someone else's opinion. I certainly do not want to hurt anyone's feelings. When I disagree, I say so with the intent of getting what I believe to be the truth out. If someone was to say that they hope to find healing from worms found under rocks (a silly "for instance" for sure), I don't want them to go there because it may be harmful. No intent ever comes from me to hurt anyone.

    I love this board. Nobody else listens to me like you wonderful people. My husband is supportive, but doesn't believe half the things I complain about. Thanks, Deb, for the reminder.

    Hugs,
    -Pearl
  19. Lynda B.

    Lynda B. New Member

    knows that this comes up quite often. It is an ongoing topic. Things get heated up or tense or whatever. It has been that way from the beginning and will be to the end. If you can't learn to take much of what is said with a grain of salt, you will eventually leave this board forever like hundreds have.

    We are emotionally, physically, psychologically hurting people. Many of us for years or even decades. These things will ALWAYS happen. I won't speak for them but I am sure both Mikie and Shirl know that. That does not mean we should not try but we all have various kinds of hurts and this will always be the nature of the message board. Those who watch over it can keep it decent but there is only so much they can do so skip over those things (if you can) that annoy you and stick with the good stuff. That seems to be what we have to do in life to survive so why should it be different in here.

    All have as much of a nice day as you can.

    Lynda B.
  20. ReneeRN

    ReneeRN New Member

    Deb- the peace maker,
    In some of my recent reading teeth problems and sinus infections are linked to candida infections. Therefore regular antibiotics can actually agrevate or worsten it. Many OTC products available for candida, low sugar/carb diet, grapefruit seed extract, olive leaf extract, oil of oregano, probiotics, psyllium, many available through Seagateproducts. Hope you feel better. God bless ReneeRN