Husband cheated 4 years ago

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by sadsmurf, Jan 12, 2009.

  1. sadsmurf

    sadsmurf New Member

    My ex-husband cheated on me four years ago. I had a nervous breakdown...the person he cheated on me with was my 18 year old daughter (his step-daughter). My daughter got into drinking and drugs and I had just told her she had to straighten up or get out of my house. My ex-husband is an alcoholic. I was dealing with the drinking and he was doing really well then his birthday came up and he got some moonshine from one of his buddies, when he went to our room to pass out my daughter drank alot of the moonshine then crawled in bed with him. I was working an extra shift for Christmas money, it was two weeks before Christmas. I completely lost myself when my daughter told me the next day. It has been 4 years and I am still on meds for depression. I was so devastated at the time and my daughter who has since been in and out of jail finally got help and settled down got married and had a daughter of her own. I have forgiven my daughter of course but I feel as if I can never trust another person. I am with a very nice man who wants to marry me, we have been dating for a year and a half. How do I get over this??? I even catch myself being jealous of my daughter when she is around my boyfriend. I KNOW he would never do that to me....but then I felt as if my ex would never have done it either, he was her step father for eleven years, she grew up while we were married. I do not know what to do can anyone help ???
  2. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    You have experienced the ultimate betrayal - an "affair" (even for one night) between your daughter and your husband. My gosh, I don't know how I would've handled it either!
    I think your trust issues are completely understandable given the circumstances - completely normal.

    If I were you, I'd see a therapist. You need someone to help you work through this. You don't want to carry this 'stuff' with you forever. You will have your daughter in your life for the rest of your life, so although time may make it easier, why suffer more than you need to.

    You can still have wonderful relationships - don't let the past ruin the future. Many people I know (and was told once by a counselor) that the 2nd marriage is better than the first. Your feelings will come out and possibly harm your current relationship unknowingly, so please do consider talking to someone.

    Your situation is not something that most people deal with, so professional help would be most beneficial.
    I just can't imagine what you've dealt with. BUT...what a strong woman -you got through that, you've found a new boyfriend, you're now a grandma...you can get through this too!
  3. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    I know that you can do everything on your end to help you through, I believe a lot in gut instinct. Did your daughter ever go into therapy for what happened to understand the tremendous pain it caused you to find out your then husband and your daughter were drunk and had sex?? I would continue to trust your gut instinct. Because even with counseling, the price your daughter pays is that she has to earn your trust back because she went way over the boundaries with your prior husband and she gets no chances with this one.