HUSBAND PRESSURING ME TO WORK

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by zion1971, Jul 10, 2006.

  1. zion1971

    zion1971 New Member

    hi

    i just need some support in this. my husband and i have lost everything because of my illness. we just lost our house. God blessed us, though, because we moved into one much better than what we owned. my dilemma is what to do about working...

    we are so far in the hole. i am trying to make it as a real estate agent, but that takes some money. without the proper capital i can't always do what i need to for my business. but that isn't really the problem

    my husband has caught a whiff of what i could make in it and puts a little pressure on me to keep going at it. but somedays i cannot get out of bed. i know he is counting on me to help with the household expenses but i am usually too tired or in too much pain to do anything. i just left my career in another area and know it will be difficult to replace my salary.

    how do i make him understand that i am trying everyday? i have told him not to count on me to help with the bills, but later he always mentions how he counted what he thought i would make.

    someone please help me. i feel so alone in this. i fear that he may leave me and i will be homeless if i don't find a way to help hiim with the bills.
  2. Jo29

    Jo29 New Member

    My heart is just breaking for you. You sound like you feel trapped. I wish so much that other people could just really feel what we feel every day.

    I know that your husband just doesn't understand yet, but hopefully soon he will.

    I am so sorry that you lost your house. Your husband is still with you now and that says a lot.

    I will keep you in my prayers.

    Hugs,

    Jodi
  3. zion1971

    zion1971 New Member

    trapped is a good word for what i feel. your words are so comforting though. you sound like you really understand. i get noooo emotional support from anyone in my family, including my mother. i know they love me; it just hurts sometimes. i was always the overachiever. as a result, they expect me to just pray or persevere this thing away. they just won't accept that it has been 8 years.

    thanks again.
  4. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    I really was sorry to read that you lost your home, but then you said that God blessed you with another one, even better. I would recommend that you ask God to soften your husband's heart and to give him understanding and that your husband remember that it is his responsibility to be with you in sickness and in health. It really is our responsibility to take care of each other when we are married.

    What would you do if he could not work? Ask your husband to put himself in your place. What would he do if he could not work and you were strong and healthy? Wouldn't he count on you? Wouldn't you take care of him?

    Zion, one thing I've noticed is the harder I try, the more my husband and others think I am feeling great. People don't realize how hard it is and how much you have to push yourself. Maybe you shouldn't push yourself so much if you can't.

    Blessings,

    Lolalee
  5. kjschlotte

    kjschlotte New Member

    Your not alone...

    most don't understand.....

    apply for social security. start putting yourself into a financial position to take care of yourself...

    if you don't take care of your self you won't be able to take care of anything else

    hang in there... your in my prayers

  6. kriket

    kriket New Member



    Hi. Read your post and had to reply. I am 29 and am working 1-2 days a week and in a great deal of pain most of the time while working.


    I can tell that I am just pushing myself way too much. It seems as though each week it chips off a little more from what I am able to take and withstand. If you keep pushing yourself you will finally collapse.


    I know, I need to listen to myself. Anyway, I know what you mean when you say you have to work in pain and feel that you just can't afford to slow down or stop for fear of not being able to pay the bills and put food on the table.
  7. rachel432

    rachel432 New Member

    i agree with desert sage, you need to make him understand what your limitations are, men really are thick so you are going to have to put this into very clear and simple terms. men don't understand hints and they don't just pick up on clues. you are going to have to sit your husband down and explain to him very clearly that you are in pain and that make it so you can't work as much as he would like you to. also you need to explain to him that you need his support and tell him the things he should be doing to support you. if he doesn't understand the first time keep saying it. i understand your situation, i feel terrible for you and i hope that even though you aren't getting the support you need from your family that you are gatting some good support here. i've found this board to be a lifesaver since this dd came along.
    i hope this helps.
    rachel
    [This Message was Edited on 07/11/2006]
  8. DorothyVivian

    DorothyVivian New Member

    Dear Zion,
    No one in my family really 'gets it'. I think this is because they are afraid for themselves as well as me. I have made it simple..I tell them I am in pain and use the Pain Scale many health care people use--from one to ten, ten being the most severe pain. I say, "I'm hurting about a "SIX" and I cannot do what you expect me to do." Or, whatever level of pain I am feeling. Because our condition is mostly invisible, family members and friends get the idea that if we are up and breathing, we "should" be able to do whatever they have in mind.
    I'm a retired rehabilitation counselor and know most able-bodied persons are quite ignorant about pain and disablity. So I've realized I have to educate my able-bodied relatives and friends. Over the last 20 years, when they get impatient with me, I've invited both of my adult sons to go to my doctors with me to learn what fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue is about. One son went about 15 years ago. And now when they appear to be impatient or in denial, I offer a reprint of articles about these illnesses or suggest they go online and learn more. This offer usually reminds them that the illness I have is real and that I need their understanding and kindness. But, often they just don't understand, and don't want to understand. I agree..sometimes people, especially men, are very dense!

    Zion, dear friend..I can easily imagine your husband's pressure is extremely difficult for you! My heart goes out to you! And I agree, you may find it best and most helpful to apply for social security disability benefits. (I've heard it usually takes several times of application for it to be accepted..but not always. Sometimes it is accepted on the first application. I hope it is that way for you.)
    I wish you the very best of good fortune! You will be in my thoughts and my prayers!
    With love, Dorothy
    [This Message was Edited on 07/11/2006]
  9. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    Could you file for disability? It sounds like you can't work, so I'd try, if I were you.
  10. hangten52

    hangten52 New Member

    I understand what you are going through with your husband. My husband didn't get it 4 years ago, so I told him to leave and he did and I'm fine with that. WAIT A MINUTE... I don't want you to do that bcz it sounds like he's just plain scared for you and stressed about the financial future.

    What I would do is either or both: sit down and explain to him that you understand his concerns but that you are not well enough to work full-time and he needs to be more understanding and supportive of you. Also, I would file for SSDI. There's an excellent chance you will get it. It may take some time, but it's something to think about. The second thing you should do is get some really good information off the internet and print it out for him to read so he will know you are truly ill and that this is not something you can go get fixed. There is no cure, but there are things you can do to feel alittle better.

    Do you exercise? Like walking? Thank god for my little chihuahua, Joey. He gets me out walking 3x day every day. I can't walk far, but it's not the distance that counts. Also, are you taking any pain pills? If it weren't for my pain meds, I would be in bed all day.

    Good luck
    donna
  11. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    I'm so very sorry that you are going through this. I really don't now what to say, except that I'll remember you in my prayers.

    Also, there are books available that give ideas on how to live well on a lot lesss money. I have gotten some ideas from them in the past, maybe you could, too. I'm sorry , I don't remember any titles, but your local bookstore might be able to help. Also, why not try a google search?

    Maye with some shuffling of priorities, things can work out. Your hubby sounds like a good guy. Maybe he would be open to this. It takes some changing of priorities and some scrimping, but many people say that they are a lot happier than they were before.

    Good luck, and a big hug,
    Terry
  12. zion1971

    zion1971 New Member

    it was helpful! my husband really is a great guy. he has struggled just as much as i have. the first couple of years he just thought i was depressed and in need of emotional and mental help. our marriage suffered, but he gained some knowledge and knows that i am truly sick. he is just under so much pressure. we don't live above our means at all. no shopping, no vacations, two old cars and some marked down furniture. that is it.

    i am hopeful though. last night after i posted, he came in and said he knew how hard i was trying. he told me to only do what i can. someone mentioned prayer; well it really works!

    thanks again. we'll make it.
  13. TAM

    TAM New Member

    HI,
    I'm so sorry to hear that. have you tried for ssd, you should try it's extra hard to get especially for fibro but just keep trying and don't give up.

    Also educate your husband make him read a few articles on fibro maybe then he will fully understand your pain. I know no one likes to but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes there is no other choice go and ask for state help, get a food card and maybe they can help other ways too. Until your well enough to go back to work. (BIG IF I KNOW BUT SOMEDAY THEY WILL FIND SOMETHING TO HELP ALL OF US WHO SUFFER WITH THIS HORRIBLE DAILY PAIN!!!).

    Good luck and I really hope everything works out. Make your husband know that your health has to come first, If it were the other way around and your husband suffered and you were healthy you would work and help care for him! geez, Take care.