Husband throwing in the towel

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by JPach007, Mar 28, 2006.

  1. JPach007

    JPach007 New Member

    Hi all,
    I've been away for awhile. Alot has happened. My daughter (had a 3.85 average for the first time in her life)that was a freshman in college got caught with an illegal drug in her purse and got suspended for a year while my husband was visiting his Father that was diagnosed with cancer and has to do Chemo. Where was I? This same week all this happened, I got pnuemonia with a 104.5 temp and spent a week in the hospital.
    Now what? My daughter is home working for min. wage until she can get back in school, and attending AA, my husband has decided he is not happy with our marriage (doesnt trust me, no sex, financial issues), yet he still loves me...and doesnt know what he is going to do. One day he says maybe we can work on it, the next day he says I can have everything and he is just taking his clothes. This has been going on about a month.
    I have been looking at selling my house (400K+) that I spent all my inheritance on, and moving into a doublewide trailer with land for my horse and 2 dogs. Trading in my BMW for a truck to get lower monthly payments. Selling my boat for 35K when I spent 50K on it. Applying for different jobs so I can get health insurance when he leaves me, and so I can make more money to support myself.
    I am so angry he is doing this. What ever happened to "for better,for worse" "in sickness and in health"?
    He says "my personality is so bubbly around men." Does that mean I must be having sex with them?
    I have never in my life been through so much roller coaster emotions everyday, and my body in so much pain.
    Thanks for listening....Any advice?
    JPach
  2. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    My husband wanted to divorce me a few years ago and he chose the best time to tell me of this dession of his, his mother was dying , she had NO immune system and he had been spending all his off time with her at the hospital even nights and after a two week stay he came home and out of the blue it was I need to talk to you and I want a divorce as soon as we can get it. I said I don't want a divorce we can work this out and it went on and on and he would tell me not to get a atterney and I did get one and she told me that I could get half of everything that he has wages 401K, half of the house , not what we paid for it but for what it would sell for and at that point it was about $90,000.

    And he would have to pay all of the outstanding bills including mine and he would have to maintain insurance till I could find some of my own or could get disability and medicare,. And when I shared this news with him he about choked and stoopped breathing and informed me that there was no way in hell that he was going to pay me half of his wages at the time he was making about $24 per hour. And was bringing home about $2,000 every two weeks. And he was not going to pay me a half of his wages ever.

    He did move out of the house and I tried to find a job but as soon as they found out that I can't lift anything over 20 lbs and only that every few hours. And I can't stand for more that ten minutes adn would need a chair to sit on, And they hired me and fired me with in a month and a half. Then I got another job and it lasted for two days,
    I could not memorise 50 commands on the keyboard uusing the letters on the key board each letter meant something else.It was for out bound sales and they had there own system that used the alphebet but the letters didn't help you with what they wanted you to type in and what they meant.

    He wasa gone about nine months and at the end of that time we were talking more and seeing each other everyday as he was doing his laundry here and seeing our daughter here she was 18 but still in high sachool when he informed me of this divorce stuff and when he came back she was out of high school and didn't want to live with him.

    I ended up with phenumonia and was in the hosptial as I could not get my o2 sats up to a normal range , I spent three days there and he came in the first night and we talked a while and he asked if he could call me I said ok . He called the next night adn told me that he didn't really want a divorce any more and would I go to counsleing with him and I said I would.

    The counsler was all for my husband and told him that I was addicted to my pain meds even though the doctor and the therapitst that I was seeing said I was not. Well to make a long story short we are back together and have been married 25 years. Since we didn't legaly sperate, or end our marriage it was just like a bump in the road. A hard one I admit. But I got threw it and got sick.

    Take care of yourself and do what you have to do for you. LOve ya,
    Rosemarie
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    ...you spent all of your inheirtance on the home you both live in? he contributes nothing to it...? in california inheirtance is yours not both...we are comminty propertyy state here...anthing that was yours before the marriage is yours..not both when you leave...

    are you on ssdi? i think you mentioned you are looking for other jobs..for health insurance when he leaves...

    well he may need to keep you insured while ;you are going throug a divorce...is he the primary or subscriber? are you primary on anything? if you are you may want to drop him before you file for divorce or he serves with papers...

    as for boats they are always a bad investment....trading an auto is not a good investment either...sell out right...more $$in your pocket...

    do not sell your home now...is the boat titled in your name only...don sell it until you talk to an attorney..although i know it is boat season time to sell if you want to sell...

    do not give him your cash...

    you need to get an attorney for advice...go to library...
    get info....

    you remeber you have a choice in this...what makes him think he can decide? it takes two....
    you do not need the mental abuse he is giving you...
    you will feel bett when you make the decision...it could be just to separeate but it is something.

    jodie
  4. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    jpach007:
    It sounds like you have a terrible situation under control.
    Good for you looking ahead the way you have. When I was going for my divorce I did the same thing: planned, planned, planned.

    Ultimately it all worked out well for me. It is a rough road, but somehow we make it. Best of luck, jpach007.

    n.f.