Husband who has wife with FM-need help!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by husbandoffm, Aug 6, 2005.

  1. husbandoffm

    husbandoffm New Member

    Hello Everyone-

    My wife has set me up on this board so that I can try to get some information/answers from all of you who have FM or CFS. She is known as "steach" on the board.

    I don't understand her sleep patterns at all! She is up half of the night and doesn't fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning- even after taking sleep meds. This is driving me nuts! I try to wake her for work in the mornings and she is sooo difficult to awake and very mean. Can anyone explain this? Why can't she go to bed at 8:00 or 9:00 after taking her sleep meds and fall asleep? Why is she still be awake after 1 or 2 A.M.?

    Also, we can never make plans ahead of time to go anywhere or do anything- can anyone please explain why this is so difficult for ppl who have FM or CFS?

    Why can I tell my wife things and within the next five minutes or by the next day she forgets? Or, says that she doesn't even remember hear me tell her things.

    I need help in understanding what is going on with her. This is having an impact on our relationship.

    Husbandoffm
  2. kfinn2

    kfinn2 New Member

    I'm sure my husband would like the answers to those questions too. I experience all of the same things as your wife and I try to remind my husband of one fact, his worst day is better than my best day. Think about that the next time you're frustrated. Also, my husband doesn't even bother waking me up anymore because I am such a witch in the morning. Now he sends the dog in instead!

    Kelly
  3. Denamay

    Denamay New Member



    I am sure my husband gets fed up with me sometimes.

    Like your wife, I take my meds for pain and sleep and go off to bed.

    When I get settled down my left hips starts to ache so I turn over, then my right leg hurts so turn over again, next my wrists start to pain, then my arm so it's turn over, turn over.

    Then I have to go to the bathroom then again and again. The next thing I know it's three am, so I might as well get up for a while.

    So of course my sleep pattern disturbs my hubby.

    On really bad nights I sleep in the spare room so he can get some rest.

    As for sleep meds sometimes they do not work very well because the pain breaks through.

    Planning ahead for activites is another hard one.

    If someone gets me on a good day I promise I will do whatever.

    But, when the day comes I often feel rotten and either drag myself to do what I said I would, or I have to back out. I hate this because I don't want to be unreliable.

    In other words it is almost impossible to plan ahead because you never know how you are going to feel tomorrow.


    All of us with condition, experience what is called brain fog. We do and say strange things because sometimes we just don't remember or even understand what is being said to us.

    I know it must be hard for you both.

    It is difficult for any of us to understand but believe me we would rather it was not like this.

    If I might, I suggest that you give your wife a nice back rub she will love for ever.

    It works for me every time. Helps with going to sleep too.
    Good luck and best wishes.Denamay
  4. lbconstable

    lbconstable New Member

    Glad you found your way here!

    I know it's really frustrating to be a partner to somebody with CFS/FM. My husband has really had to make some adjustments. We have our own business together and my "forgetfulness" has made an impact. He really got to the point of harboring some deep resentments.

    I don't know what changed his point of view. Forever I've just tried to keep pushing myself and ignoring how I felt. I finally had to admit that I couldn't do it anymore. Maybe it's also that he's watched me work so hard at finding answers and making some progress. He also has gotten help talking to friends and a counselor. He probably came to a decision time... whether he wanted to hang in with me or not. He chose to stay. I know I came to that point and decided to hang in with him, while we got through this together. We're doing really good now.

    As to the why of the symptoms ... we have some ideas of why, but not a lot of definitive answers.

    For some reason our circadian rythm is off. And our sleep patterns get skewed. There is a lot of evidence that this has to do with abnormal communication between the hypothalamus, pituitary, and adrenal glands. This pattern is typical.

    We can't forecast how we are going to feel. I didn't leave the house on Thursday - mostly layed in bed or couch. Yesterday was moderately good. Today's great. I got my house relatively clean and paid a few bills. I choose to make plans for those things I really want to do and then if I have to break those plans at the last minute that's just the way it goes. My family & friends understand. And if they don't then they don't have my best interest at heart.

    The brain fog has been one of the most disconcerting symptoms for me. I make lists, go to the store, check them twice, and still don't come home with everything. Or sometimes I'm driving around town (I've lived here for 20 years) and get disoriented and don't know which direction I should be heading. At the worst of it I was making major errors in the checking accounts! I'm a lot better with the treatments that I've been on. Now, most of the time, we laugh about it.

    I think my husband finally got that I wasn't simply being careless, or undisciplined. He's clear that noone would choose to have these issues. Imagine if your wife could design the ultimate in physical health what would she choose? If she had perfect health and unlimited energy what would she like to contribute to your marriage, family, home?

    These illnesses insidiously rob us of our lives and rob our partners of the person that they married.

    Well meaning family or friends suggest that we need a vacation. The last thing in the world I want right now is a vacation - Too much work!

    My husband has a bad back and he started to ask himself what it would be like for him if that pain was constant? What would support would he need from me in that case?

    I wish you two all the best! I hope you find some real understanding. The understanding is probably not going to come from a medical explanation, but from really listening to your wife.

    All the best,
    LBC
    [This Message was Edited on 08/06/2005]
  5. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I know Steach well, very sweet lady who is always trying to find a way to help her illness, and speaks very well of her husband and children. From what she has to say about you, you are one helpful understanding man.

    As for the sleeping, its one of the hardest problems we have. Seems like some of us can get a prescription for sleeping meds, and yet it will still not help us get into a deep stage four sleep where we are really resting, and can wake up alert.

    What is also sad, is what works for one of us, does not necessarly work for others. We have to almost find an individual treatment to fix what our problem is.

    We simply do not sleep like normal people do, we never seem to get the proper rest required to function normally. No one has a pat answer for this either, medical or otherwise.

    After a lifetime of not sleeping more than a couple of hours a night, I found what works for me, BUT I am still groggy in the mornings, at least for an hour. It takes two cups of strong black coffee to get my 'brain' to function.

    As for as the 'forgetfulness' I personally think its partly due to not resting when we do sleep, and a lack of drinking plain water.

    I do not work, and could not work, unless I had a night job, I could not imagine anyone being able to get me out of the bed early in the morning, and I am now sleeping for 8-9 hours a night!

    Yes, none of us can make plans in advance, we actually do not know from one day to the other how we are going to feel. I only have FM and not CFS, so I can't even imagine how someone with both can function at all with advanced plans.

    An example, I woke today feeling pretty good, about 4pm this evening, my FM pain in my back got so bad I had to go to bed with a ThermaCare heat wrap on my back. I could hardly move. No one knows how this happens, or why these muscles will spasm without any reasonable cause.

    I will also get that 'fatigue' you wife has out of the blue, when it hits, all I can do is go to bed. Its like you are so exausted from hard work that you just can't move one foot in front of the other.

    No one seems to have any solutions for this at all. Read some of the back posts on this board, you will see what I mean.

    As for a time to go to bed, to be sure you wake up refreshed and early? forget it! It just does not work like that for us.

    I am sleeping now, like I said, but I can't go to sleep before 12 midnight to 1am. If I do go to bed, say, at 9-10pm, I will wake up at 1-3am and can't go back to sleep, but am so tired I can't do anything but lay in the bed!

    I do not know how long Steach has had these illnesses, but I have been fighting the FM now for over twenty years. I can assure you, she cannot help how she feels.

    My husband is a good sleeper, he just goes to bed when he is tired, and does not wake me up till I wake up. But we do not have small children home anymore, and I do not work out.

    Other than to suggest you read some of the professional articles on the Library link here, or a great book that really explains FM and CFS, I do not know what else to tell you, maybe others can get more techinical for you too.

    The book is; 'The Fibromyalgia Advocate' by Devin Starlanyl, MD. This is a doctor who has FM/CFS. It is well written and documented. It is the book that convinced my husband that this illness is real, and that I cannot control my own life like I used to do.

    We both learned to live around the illness, the sleeplessness, the spasms/pain/ and the cognitive problems.

    I also have to be extra careful not to go around anyone that has a cold or flu, I will catch anything! I try to stay out of crowded places, and those stores that have ultra bright lights, chemical odors, and too much noise. They will also make me sick!

    We are a strange breed of cat for sure, and very difficult for any healthy person to understand.

    I do admire you for coming on the board for help to understand, you are a terrific guy, just like your wife said :)

    Take care, and my advice is, be patient, its not that we do not want to do things, we just can't...........


    Shalom, Shirl







  6. nanswajo

    nanswajo New Member

    I'm so sorry you both are having to cope with this.

    I have FM. Some days I am fine to go out, yet on others I have a very hard time. It just can be unpredictable. My husband and I do make plans to do things. Mostly I can follow through, but some days I have to change the plan. Some days I am just "maintaining", we call it. We acknowledge that and he goes at his pace and I go at mine. When I am feeling my worst, I can be grumpy. I find it helps if I just acknowledge it.

    If I am having a bad day it is harder for me to do things that involve other people because staying "on" and being social takes extra energy that I don't have and it feels emotionally painful. On those days just the two of us can do something together.

    My husband and I both feel very sad that FM has changed our lives and our expectations. Sometimes he has cried along with me.

    I can be very forgetful. Try writing things down for her. Sometimes the physical discomfort overrides the conscious mind. FM is known for foggy thinking problems. In part, my husband finds it sort of charming that I am a bit flaky. Then, to be honest, there are times when he doesn't think it is so funny. It is usually because he is stressed out with his own issues or tired or hurting himself.

    Do you want things to just be the way they used to be? Are there other things also that are bothering you? Do you feel as if your own issues can't be addressed because your wife's health is affecting her ability to be a partner? You both may need to rethink your way of being together. This disease does change people. We need to adapt.

    My husband has become protective of me and helps me with things. I already feel sort of guilty that I have this as if I did something wrong, so having him help me and be a part of the solutions with me has been very important to me.

    As far as the sleeping thing goes, I don't know. We are all different. Sometimes I am exhausted but wake up in the early morning hours and can't get back to sleep. Sometimes I am wicked tired at bedtime and sometimes I am wide awake. If I am awake and feeling pretty good (relatively speaking) I like to get some things done. It is precious time when I feel up to things.

    On the other hand, sleeping problems can make us feel worse and may even be an integral part of the disease so it is a good idea to address them.

    I wish I could offer the magic solution. I hope this helps some.

    Best to you both, Nancy
    [This Message was Edited on 08/06/2005]
  7. silky17

    silky17 New Member

    In defense of Steach , I feel for her very much. Also as a husband of a person with this DD.

    We wish we could make plans , if we could our lives would not be so unpredictable. That is why it makes it so hard to work. I myself have been away from my job since Jan and don't feel comfortable enough working with people who can look at me and think " Yea, I bet she's sick", she never works overtime.

    We are sick and that is so much of the hurt we feel, no compassion from others because we don't look sick. I also know what its like not to sleep. Then try to go and and work feeling "half dead". It is so hard to deal with all the pain and adversity that comes from it. The best you can do is try and give her compassion and caring , maybe try to relax her .Hopefully you are the kind of man who will help her when she needs extra care. That will help her so much. Maybe give her massage.Give her extra time to do something.

    I am a single woman who wanted nothing more than to be married again, but I knew that there were few men out there who would be able to have a relationship with someone with this DD. So I finally threw in the towel and decided to give up the mission to be part of anothers life. What I am trying to say is .......try to understand and help instead of push away.

    I hope this hasn't offended you in anyway but I felt deeply about the whole subject. Love is a great thing. Please try and bear her pain. It will work out better for you in the long run ,Trust me. :) Prayer works wonders too.

    Bless you both and take care,
    Silky
    [This Message was Edited on 08/06/2005]
  8. Well it is 345 am here, I should be/am exhausted but here I sit , can't sleep. I sure wish we knew the answers. Can't sleep, hot/cold , it depends on the time/day, wired/exhausted, fogged out, memory gone, on and on it goes. Just know this fibromyalgia may not kill you, but it is a terrible thing to live with day in and day out and somedays so unbelievably painful. I admire any man or significant other who sympathizes with someone who has this disease. Hang in there!
  9. scully571

    scully571 New Member

    Its verry nice of you to actually come and ask quwetions so on this bravo!!! As to your 1st question most of us dont get a phase 4 sleep or restorative sleep(the one that regenarates and give you the fresh feeling in the morning),we also have a problem with our circadian rythym(it regulates your body clock in sorts of ways)well in our case its all confused.In my case i can confirm i sleep better in the hours from 2am to 2pm not quite the dream sleep schedule there i can tell you.I can sugest a sleep study might help your wife, knowing if she has other sleep problems.I can also say to you that sleep meds dont work at all on me the pain is far more stronger than the need to sleep.

    A to other questions.......well i would like to plan things but you see its hard because you never know how tomorow will be,how you will feel,sometimes i breaks me heart not to go at an event but i know that if i go i will be drained and i will not feel good after.The mind is willing but the body just wont follow. .....also i tend to forget things a lot too its brain fog.its related to not getting enough sleep on those days i tend to forget worse then on the good days. Im sure it must be verry hard for you its not easy to see someone you love get hit by this syndrome,but its changes how she will live and the best thing she needs right now is your love,understanding and by posting here im sure she as some of that ;)

  10. Pinkgirl

    Pinkgirl New Member

    You sound so much like my husband! I, too, sent him here for answers to his questions, he never posted, but spent hours reading. I hope hearing us talk about our illness helps a little in your understanding, I honestly don't think it's possible to gain true understanding without having this DD itself, but just trying means a lot!

    Right now I am sleeping an average of 15 hours a day. I can't help it, if I wake up before that I am so tired I can literally fall asleep mid-sentence, no matter what I do, how much coffee I drink, I cannot stay awake. The sleeping issues are one of the hardest to deal with, I think for everyone!

    Personally, my meds at night should be enough to knock me out cold, but sometimes I stay up all night! Even if I do sleep waking up in the mornings is not only difficult, it is usually painful... I always seem to have a headache, feel like throwing up, and am really stiff. That's enough to make anyone crabby! Perhaps you should talk to her and see if working in the morning is just too much for her. I used to take early classes at school, but I've learned that I cannot function properly until about 11 am on a daily basis! I'm so glad I quit working (used to leave for work at 5 am) before I became so ill!

    Sometimes waking up early enough, if at all possible, for a warm bath and some quiet time before moving around too much helps...

    Everyone else has explained the trouble of making plans really well... I've had to cancel plans with just minutes notice because I suddenly do not feel up to it.

    FibroFog is like premature Alzheimer's (sp?) that's the only way I can explain it. I used to have a near photographic memory, it's gone now. Sometime's I struggle to remember simple things such as my address or phone number! I can forget who I'm talking to on the phone, where I am going, what I'm going to get, and I've even gotten lost in the town I've lived in for 15 years! It's scary, and very, very frustrating!

    You sound upset, and you have every right to be! This DD is hard on everyone it touches! But, please, please, whatever you do, do not make your wife feel guilty about it! She more than likely beats herself up more than you ever will know... it's so frustrating! It's especially hard when you know you've let someone else down!!!! I know it's too much sometimes, and arguments do happen, but being constanly upset is not good for anyone, least of all her. This DD can bring upon depression so fast and so strong any extra pressure just makes it that much worse.

    Keep trying to understand this disease, keep informing yourself, and keep the lines of communication open! Go to dr's appts, ask questions, and remember how much you love her, not who she used to be but who SHE IS!
  11. samhain1641

    samhain1641 New Member

    first let me say it is nice to see a spouse taking an active role in this issue and actually asking questions..

    that said....I recently read a book and in this book it gave an analogy of this brain fog and energy depletion..



    Ever heard of a brown out with the electric? well in the winter or summer months if there is too little energy to go around to every one the elec. co. turn down the voltage a bit so the electric is still working only at a much lower capacity......that is how our bodies run every day and some days the energy levels are even lower or we feel so ecsausted we need to lie down even when we are already in bed...

    now for fibrofog....same analogy but the synapses in the brain only function at a lower energy level and that being the case the nerves in the brain save that energy for what is important like your heart beating and breathing therfore the memory area is shorted thus making it difficult to remember even the simplest things.

    as for the sleeping patterns i wish i had a frsky analogy for that but i dont only to tell you that i also do this too.
    and have for years and sometimes dont even remember getting up at all...


    hope this helps you ......sam
  12. husbandoffm

    husbandoffm New Member

    I am getting ready to go to church. By the time I get back around noon my wife will still be in bed. I have read your replies and have started re-reading them through again. I just wanted to thank everyone for trying to help me out here.

    Husbandoffm
  13. smiffy79

    smiffy79 New Member

    looks like what i wnated to say has already been said!

    its nice you have come here for answers,my hubby sits and reads w/me,love im:)

    we all have trouble sleeping--ots hell---rolling this way and back again then stuck through pain and cant move but need to move and NOW,then get comfy and oh no i need a wee! my side of the bed is right up against the wall as i fall out of bed (always have done!)

    trot of for my wee (more stagger-then fall-then bang into all doorframes on way!) usually my hips give out if i want a wee at night so i have been jammed down the side of the loo w/my jammies round my ankles :)--funny now not then lol

    heave my fat butt of the loo-re find my jammies then stumble back to bed--half flop/army crawl over hubby and then resume fitful sleep--i actually punch the wall and head butt head board as get so upset.

    i posted about this earlier today--its cos we seem to sleep better in the day and operate better at night but i have two kids so have no choice!

    in the morning as we dont have alpha sleep we have a hard job getting up ---its like we havent been to bed AT ALL!

    for your poor wifes memory we all do it here--its called cognitive dysfunction and its CRAP its horrible to live with.

    i use a calender a diary and the alarm function on my phone to get me through my day--my long term memory is amazing i can even remember ppls hair cuts and clothes colour even how they smelt but ask me what i ate for breakfast and i couldnt even remember if a ate--whcih i very often forget to do!


    planning ahead is very hard as we dont know how mobile/able we will be from one minute to the next let alone next week,if i go out for a day i take all i need for worst case even if i am half way normal now--which includes my 'waddle stick' cos i waddle not walk!


    of course its having an impact on your relationship but dont treat your wife as when she was well as i am sorry buts thats not going to work!
    i am surprised she hasnt prised your head off the poor girl working as well!

    i would be mean too actually i was,i really struggled to get to work as i had a 5.30 am start at work and then i HAD to be nice as was working w/ppl AAARRRRGGGHHH will NEVER do that again!----hah she says!

    sorry,am going back to train so as can start own dog school lol have got to the stage where i cant stand ppl.really i cant bear to be around humans they make me sooooooo mad!

    i dont know why life is so much harder for fm/cfs ppl i wish i did but even the simplest thing can be so blindingly obvious one momentand then the next i may as well be in germany for all the sence anything makes!

    i hope all of this from my self and your other posts is of help--but even this lot here will be a struggle to get through for your wife,,i have to come and go for something to compute!

    its not that we are stupid either,the ppl here are so eloquent and so amazingly smart its just sometimes it doesnt make sence--like me right now lol

    anyway-smiffy

  14. nanswajo

    nanswajo New Member

    Good morning:

    I feel so sad reading your last post here. It seems like you feel alone without a partner any more.

    The past is in the past. Now we have a different agenda. Are things always this bad? Think about it. You might feel this way now, but in the future there will be joyous times for you and her. It happens gradually this adjustment--and so it goes.

    You love of life is important. Squeeze every bit of joy and love out of every moment in your life. Even in the midst of difficulty the joy is present. It surrounds you and her. Reach out to her and let yourself be vulnerable with her. The understanding you give her will change the situation in a way. It will jump start a new way of being in love.

    Love each other.
  15. ldbgcoleman

    ldbgcoleman New Member

    I think the first thing you need to adress is the sleep issue. It sounds like the medication she is taking is not working for her. She needs to talk with her Dr and try something different. If her Dr is not helpful or understanding help her find one who is.

    It does feel like a horrible case of the flu. Somes days worse than others. My husband has been very supportive of me but I am sure he has his moments. I was very frustrated with the fibro fog as I was known for my brains. I was a sales trainer and manager for a dental manufacturer. It has been very frustrating for me.

    I started turning the corner when found a Dr who was willing to search for the underlying causes of my illness and start treating it. Good Luck and the people here are great they will help you in any way they can! Lynn
  16. elsa

    elsa New Member


    Thank you for coming here and trying to understand what fibromyalgia means to a family. You have gotten some very good responses and I would like to add my thoughts to them.


    I saw a commercial some time back.....I think it was for MS, but I'm not certain. Whatever the case, the ad can be applied to CFS/FM sufferers too.

    They showed a woman...healthy and feeling good...doing normal things. In the next frame, the same woman was literally chained and padlocked to a chair with masking tape across her mouth. Her eyes were big and sad. They showed how her thoughts and soul and desires hadn't changed from the healthy, normal woman....just that her body wouldn't allow her to be that person at that moment.

    The last frame shows how the woman goes back and forth from normal to chained in that chair and she never knows when it's going to hit.

    I cannot explain it any better than that commercial. I can add the emotional cost though. In your heart, do you think your wife wants ( and likes ) being in that chair? I don't have the words to explain the amount of GUILT she carries around with her....can't make plans because she has no idea when the "chains and tape" are going to stop her in her tracks.

    For the moment, I am one of the lucky ones. My "sleep routine" is working for me. I take a combo of supplements and medication. The timing is tedious. If I miss my target time....the whole thing is useless. Even with my meds., I still wake up groggy. I have to get up 2 1/2 hours earlier then a normal person just to get all systems up and running.

    I say "for the moment" because this cruel illness changes on us without notice. What is working for me now may not work for me two months from now. Also, everyone's body will adapt to a medication given time. Once that happens the magic is over and it's back to the drawing board.

    I think you have it in your mind that her sleep disorder is fixed. I.D.'ed it, medicated it, problem over. Sorry, ( for both of you ) but FM doesn't work that way. I'd give anything if it did.

    The brain fog is a living nightmare. We try to laugh about it most times, but inside I am furious with the stupidity I display. I have a genius I.Q., Sigma Tau Delta, and Phi Beta Kappa memberships and I am routinely DUMB AS A SACK FULL OF HAMMERS. We make lists, my husband has my bedtime meds. schedule written down so he can remind me to follow it. We deal with it as best we can.

    My husband suggests to you the following: Next time your wife forgets ( for the fifth time ) to take your shirts to the cleaners, and you don't have that crisp white shirt you need for the meeting of the century....Think how god awful she is feeling because she has let you down....again. She has to look you in the eye and know she has failed a task a child can recall and accomplish. How would you feel in her shoes....day in and day out?

    My thoughts are with you both. This illness is cruel. You won't get the support from your friends and family because she doesn't look sick. There are no easy fixes.

    From my husband again: Next time you want to throw something against the wall out of shear frustration and anger, ( and there will be a "next time" ), remember the pain and guilt your wife is feeling. She KNOWS she is the cause of your anger and she can't do anything to stop it.

    She is your partner. She didn't sit up one night devising a plan to make your life difficult. When it gets really bad, he suggests you try and remember the silver lining in this illness.....it's not going to kill her.

    I thank you for loving and supporting your wife enough for coming here and trying to better understand your wife's illness. It is devastating to both spouses. Please come to the boards anytime for any reason. We're all about support....whether it be for information or just plain compassion and understanding. We're all here for each other.....spouses included!!! LOL

    Elsa
    [This Message was Edited on 08/07/2005]
  17. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Lurking. Wonderful thread ladies, all of you are the greatest........Give yourself a soft hug for all your honesty!



    Shalom, Shirl
    [This Message was Edited on 08/07/2005]
  18. 1carrie

    1carrie New Member

    I too am the healthy one in a relationship with a CFS patient it has been the 2 hardest years of my life. I am watching the man I love change into a person that I don't know or like very much. I look so forward to the days I see a glimmer of the man I love. It is hard because he is a proud young man who is having difficulty accepting this illness and when discouraged he refuses to take his meds or take care of himself. Sometimes it is so hard not to scream I DONT FEEL GOOD EITHER BUT I STILL DO WHAT I HAVE TO. I love him and can't imagine my life without him.
  19. chazzsmom99

    chazzsmom99 New Member

    I can't add any more than what was already written, there's a lot of good advice.

    My husband has been disabled for 10 years. He was in an industrial accident at work. Severe pain in back and legs--several surgeries to correct, but just made it worse.
    When we first met 3 yr. ago, the joke (kinda) was that he had someone who loved him and would take care of him. That lasted up to about 6 months ago, when my pain had gotten to my legs so bad. He understands the pain I'm in (after all, our pains are similar), but I don't think he understands all the rest.

    The only thing I can suggest is go to counseling together, or seperately, and be kind to each other. Talk to each other, and listen.

    Peggi
  20. mhammie

    mhammie New Member

    Your doing a very loving thing just coming here asking questions.

    My dear husband has been dealing with my illness for many years out of the 26 we've been married. The last couple have been especially difficult. I know that he loves me other wise he would have left long ago.

    You probably see her frustration about 50% of the time when she forgets something. Sometimes the memory problems can be just as devastating as the actual daily pain, because it can take a toll on one's self esteem.

    Just remember to continue being understanding & patient with her. She doesn't chose to live this way, nor does anyone else with this illness.

    All husbands should really follow your example of wanting to understand their wife's illness. Keep it up and don't give up on her or your marriage. You never know when the day might come when doctors can finally give us answers and treatment to bring our lives back to normal. You'll want to be with her when that day arrives.

    Mhammie