Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by janie4444, Aug 20, 2005.
What do you girls do when your husband gets annoyed with your illness?
Were not all girls out here. But i'm very lucky to have a very understanding wife. One with more patience than I have. lol GARY
I just don't pay any attention to him. I act as if everything is great no matter how annoying HE is, and usually he'll get over his frustration with my symptoms.
I've been sick since I was 11 (I'm 54), and I've known my husband since I was 10. We've talked a lot over the years about everything.
I hope I can explain this - I've never tried before, so please let me know if I'm not clear.
We handle my illness this way:
There is me and then there is my illness. We treat them as 2 entities. Neither controls the other.
If a trigger point flares up, for instance, and I can hardly move for several days we focus on working on the trigger point (and whatever else may go along with it) as though it were a project. We massage it or use heat or ice on it, and we may talk of little else while it's flared and when it goes down, we forget it and concentrate on each other.
I hope this makes sense. We try to treat this sickness as just another project we're working on. Just like maintaining a house, parts get worn down from time to time so we must be ever willing and ready to work with them, then forget about it when it's over.
Over the years there have been times when all I could do was lie in the bed and cry. A few times I stayed in bed crying for a week or more. When my husband wasn't working, he ran the house AND he looked after me.
And in return, when he's had to have various surgeries or when he's been sick, I've looked after him.
Obviously I've been sick a lot more than he has but when I tell him that I feel guilty about it, he says that he's not keeping score.
It's all part of my charm!! Just kidding!! I'm actually married to a pretty darn good guy. I think for us the best thing that happened is that back a few years ago he worked with a guy who's wife had lupus and say what they went through. When my FM flared up so badly this time all he kept saying was "at least it's not lupus". We've been married for almost 14 years too and until now, I've been pretty healthy. He can tell when I'm not feeling well -- if I'm hurting - I'm GRUMPY!! Some days he does lose patience with me though and so on my good days I try to do something special for him. If all this is new to you, it's new to your husband too. Try to get him to read up on FM and/or go with you to a DR appt. My husband had to take me in one day to the ER because my BP went up and I could barely walk. He was not amused with the Dr.'s recommendations (the whole exercise is all you need). HA!! Best of luck and we'll keep you guys in our prayers!!
it's more a matter of frustration. Just like I get. He is very good about things, but he is human too. We have learned to communicate about these things. For example, if he gets frustrated and gets short for some reason, I just give him a little while, and he will apoligize of course. He says he feels guilty when he feels like that because I'm sick. But I tell him it's normal to get frustrated and it's ok for him to feel like that.
It is a matter of us being understanding of each other. My illnesses affect me, but they also affect my husband and my family. It's about all of us. I don't want any of them to feel guilty, but just to understand where I'm coming from.
Early on though, it was hard for him. He wouldn't talk about it, because it scared him. Afraid that I would drop dead and leave him with 5 kids. A legitamite fear. I'm sure I would feel the same way if it was the other way around.
Over time he began to understand things better, and learned to express himself more often. And in turn he has become my biggest supporter.
Hope this helps some.
Gentle Hugs Sue
I'm the other one in the household.
My hubby has recently, within the past 2 weeks, finally accepted that he has Fibro. We've been jumping through the fibro hoops for 3 years. Oddly enough, I'm the calm one when it comes to his illness...at least to his face.
In ways, I'm terrified. In other, and more important ways, all my faith and strength is in God. I believe with all my heart that God can heal my husband. Hubby needs to have something positive to look to when everything else is dark. I hope I can be that for him. Well, me and God. lol
I hope I'm not out of line by posting since I'm not the one with Fibro. Hubby isn't exactly the Message Board type. *sigh* I think I'm addicted to them.
Have a good evening!
Learning2live...It great that your Husband has wonderful support..This means more than people think..A positive word can go along way.
When i look back the last 9 yrs with this illness, My wife has been by my side every step of the way..She understands me..should after 28 yrs.
She realizes when i am not having a good day,and i dont even have to say anything.she can tell by the expression's i have.
Just keep a positive outlook on life and try and do the things you like. Life will be harder for your husband,but you will make it easier just by being there for him.
But you also need time for yourself.A day of shopping will recharge your batteries...LOL
I guess i use to spend alot of time, wondering how i got myself into this mess..Its alot of energy not very well spent,because there will never be a answer to the question..Now i try and focus on what i can do, and try and injoy my hobbies.IT certainly isnt very easy., and it can get depressing thinking about it...But life does go on and like the other person said...It could be much worse
Take care Rick
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