husband's letter to Oprah "O Magazine

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by monkeykat, Sep 25, 2006.

  1. monkeykat

    monkeykat Member

    Hi Everyone, I had written a letter to Oprah at O Magazine and i asked my husband if he'd also write a letter. He sent me a copy yesterday and I just cried when I read it. I thought you'd all like to read it too. I've been so fortunate to have a husband who understands and advocates for me:)
    Take care, Monkeykat

    Here is his letter...

    Dear Oprah,

    Thank you so much for the recent article in the Sept issue of O! Magazine on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. As the husband of a woman with this disease it has been so disheartening to see the lack of support, interest, and regard that the medical community and society at large pays to this growing illness. Much like AIDs, this will be a growing epidemic in this country that will catch people off-guard because it's been such an invisible illness. People with this disease suffer in isolation and alienation, unable to get disability when they can no longer work, and falling through the cracks of government relief programs. Consequently, they struggle to survive each day, barely able to care for themselves, with no voice speaking out on their behalf. The article in O! is a step in the right direction to change all that.

    The validation of the article, and especially the recent findings of the CDC, give people like us hope that this disease will be taken seriously and a cure seriously sought. Any additional attention you can give to this cause would be greatly appreciated in the future.

    Thank You Again,
  2. getfitat40

    getfitat40 New Member

    You have a wonderful caring husband. You are indeed blessed. Can you Zerox him for me???
  3. kirschbaum26

    kirschbaum26 New Member

    Dear Monkeykat:

    Well said. While I do not have CFS, glad to hear that those who do are finally getting some respect.

  4. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    Please give him a hug from all of us. I truly appreciate the well written letter and support.
  5. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    Thank him from us
  6. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    We should all be so lucky:)

    I wish there would be more written about FM and CFS, need to get more info out there.

    I've written to Oprah's website before, never heard a word back.
  7. musikmaker

    musikmaker New Member

    Hey, maybe you and your husband will get asked to the Oprah show to discuss.

    You are lucky to have such a compassionate partner.
  8. monkeykat

    monkeykat Member

    Hi getfitat40, prickles, kirschbaum26, 1sweetie, carebelle, hermitlady, and musikmaker,

    It was so good to hear from all of you. Thank you for all of your responses. I am really blessed to have my husband esp. since most of my family members, friends, and my church abandoned me when I got ill.

    I'll let him know that you are all grateful and I'll give him a hug:) I tell him all the time what a blessing he is. I don't think that xeroxing/cloning him is a good idea though. Have you ever seen the movie "Multiplicity"? By the 3rd clone, the guy was pretty scary...LOL.

    I haven't heard back from Oprah's Magazine "O Magazine" but i won't let that stop me from writing them. Every little bit helps. I would love to be on Oprah and advocate for all of us!!! I would love it if anyone of us could get on Oprah and advocate.

    Keep hope alive, Monkeykat

    [This Message was Edited on 09/25/2006]
  9. code34me

    code34me New Member

    That was a great letter! I dont have that in my husband and it is very lonley when there is no support in your home. So tell Mr. Monkey thanks again from this CFS suferer for standing up fror us!

    Take care of you! Codey
  10. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    Monkey, thanks so much for sharing your husband's ltr with us. I think it might make a difference for Oprah's people to hear from the spouse of a sufferer.

    You are blessed to have a partner who validates you. My husband is that way also. He understands as much as possible and he hurts for me.

  11. monkeykat

    monkeykat Member

    Hi ouch, code34me, and lolalee,
    ouch - That's so funny. He'll get a kick out of being "Mr. Monkey". I call myself monkeykat b/c I've always loved monkies b/c they are mischievous, funny to watch, active and curious. I'll send your responses to my husband.

    code34me - I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand your illness. I think many men & woman with these illnesses are in the same boat with you. I'll say a prayer today for you and your husband. I hope that he can learn to understand and empathize with you more.

    lolalee - I also thought that a letter from my husband may do a world of good for Oprah's people. one of my male doctor's told me to "always bring a male to doctor's appointments with you b/c doctor's will take you more seriously". So I think the same is true if our male mates send letters also. I'm glad you also have an understanding husband who hurts for you. You are also very fortunate. Don't ever forget to count your blessings:)

    Love, Monkeykat

  12. IndianPrincess

    IndianPrincess New Member

    We must take advantage of EVERY OPPORTUNITY available.

    If you aren't receiving SSDI yet, this letter would be good for your file along with the original article and your hubby's letter when it is printed in a future issue.

    WHAT A MAN!!!!!!!!

  13. monamea

    monamea New Member

    It must be nice to have such a loving husband, you are so lucky. The cows are more important to my husband than I am.
    You are also right in saying no one knows what this does to us and how we feel. We need understanding, love, and hugs. Instead we get people who think we just want attention. I have pain all the time and am tired from day to night, but somehow I get my house clean, canning done, bookeeping done, and supper on the table. My own adult daughters think I'm lazy!!

    Does anyone in Michigan know of a SSDI lawyer in the Alpena Area? I have tried twice and don't even get to the second step with them.
  14. monkeykat

    monkeykat Member

    hi indianprincess and monamea,
    I'm not receiving SSDI yet. I gave up b/c I couldn't find a lawyer and I was just so ill and I couldn't get my doctors to even file the papers with SSDI. I just couldn't handle the stress of it anymore.

    This was just a letter that my husband wrote to O! magazine. They aren't going to publish it, as far as I know:) I never thought of collecting stuff for a file for SSDI. Maybe I should start that.

    It feels like my salvation to have such a loving husband. I take it you live on a farm. Farm life is hard work. I hope that your husband finds more understanding and begins to communicate more love and hugs to you. Do you have any friends who understand and give you hugs???

    It's hard now that I'm able to function a little at times b/c no one understands what it takes out of you to function. I still don't function anything near where you do though. But when others feel you are lazy it feels unbearable.

    I don't know of any SSDI lawyers. Can't find one myself. Sorry! It sucks.

    Take care, Monkeykat
  15. monamea

    monamea New Member

    Thank you MonkeyKat for your reply. I have some friends who listen to me and let me vent, but sometimes I feel that they get tired of it because I hurt bad everyday. When I wake up in the morning I do thank God for my blessings and for another day of life. Just one day I would like to have no complaints, but I know that won't happen so I just keep moving and get something done. I'm to have surgery on my big toe on Oct. 3rd they have told me that the cist must come off and that I will be in alot of pain, and that I better plan on not doing anything for awhile. They also told me that my lympfedema may cause me not to heal fast or I could get an infection. woopie I have had 7 surgeries in 3 years it's becoming a pain in the butt, and they have told me that each surgery is more dangerous now. This scares me so much. Anyway thank you so much for replying, have a very nice day. Monamea
  16. monkeykat

    monkeykat Member

    Hi Monamea,
    Your welcome.

    I'm glad that you have some friends who listen. I also have found out who my true friends are and I have some who listen. I'm afraid to dump to much on them though b/c no one will want to be around me if I complain too much. I completely understand.

    I find that I've grown a lot closer to God b/c I can dump all my anger, fear, hurt, etc. on God. Lately, I keep telling God that I can't do it so God is going to have to do it. I guess I'm trying to get to a point of child-like trust that what needs to happen will happen and as long as I have enough for today then I'm okay. Tomorrow is going to have to take care of itself b/c it's not here yet. It's hard to get to the point that I don't worry about the future.

    That's good that you thank God for your blessings each day. I used to do that everyday. I'm going to have to start doing that again. Gratitude is a powerful weapon against a lot of negative emotions.

    I'm not sure if you read the bible so I hope that i don't offend you b/c I just mean to encourage you. II Corinthians 4:7-17 says,

    7"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

    8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;

    9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

    10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

    11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.

    12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

    13 It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."
    With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak,

    14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence.

    15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

    16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

    17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

    18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

    I agree that I'd like to have no complaints too. I guess it's hard to not focus on my problems and put my focus on eternal things when you are in the midst of suffering.

    I'm sorry you've been having so many surgeries. That's really tough. I had a surgery to remove a lump on my breast 2 years ago and it never healed right. The scar is keloid and all bumpy. I was laid up for many months from the anesthesia. Ugh! I will say a prayer for you tonight.

    Take care, Monkeykat

  17. JuliannaG

    JuliannaG New Member

    Perhaps if you lived where I do, you would change your opinion. We get troops of up to 30 vervet monkeys that visit us almost daily. They are a nuisance. They come into our homes and steal our food. They have been known to grab food out of little children’s hands. They raid our fruit trees, ripping off green unripe fruit, taking one bite and throwing it away, so the yard is littered. They terrorise small dogs, and carry rabies and fleas.

    I love to put wild bird seed out in various feeders in our front garden and watch the birds and their antics. Instead, the monkeys climb into the trees tipping the feed out and breaking branches, making a huge mess. Then the birds don’t come for ages, because the monkeys raid trees and eat the birds eggs and baby birds.

    However, they can also make us laugh. It is cute to see them playing with each other – the young ones that is – the older bulls and females keep a lookout. We watch them scampering about on the neighbor’s car, pulling the radio aerial back and letting go so it twangs. One day a youngster climbed into the neighbor’s post box, which is just a hole in a brick column. Another one was sitting on the fence. The one in the post box popped his head out of the post slot. The one on the fence got such a fright, he nearly fell off the fence. We laughed until the tears rolled.
  18. monkeykat

    monkeykat Member

    Hi JuliannaG,
    Hey, thanks for letting me know so much about monkeys.

    Where do you live? Well, I just edited this post. After writing it I realized that I could look at your profile and find this info. LOL:)

    Durban, South Africa. Wow! That sounds so interesting to me. How I'd love to travel and visit you and so many other people on this site.

    Reading about your life was fascinating. I understand the challenges you face with your 2 lovely sons. I am an occupational therapist. Before I had to quit working I worked in the schools with children with various disabilities including cognitive disabilities.

    My husband works full-time with adults who have mental retardation. He used to work in the community to help them find jobs and also deal with the physical and social challenges of employment. He currently works in an adult residential facility as a resident supervisor.

    I've only seen monkeys in the zoo. They just swing on branches, tease each other and look cute. I had no idea how much trouble & mischief they create in the real world. Grabbing food out of children's hands...that's so sad:(

    I'm glad the monkeys also do things to make you laugh as well! I have always liked monkeys b/c they are cute, seem curious and they are least at the zoo:)

    Thanks for all the stories about monkeys. I don't get to see very many animals in my yard b/c I live in Ohio near Cleveland in a city. We get birds, rabbits, squirrels, and moles mostly. Once in a while we get skunks. there are some deer in the area but our yard is fenced off so we don't get any deer.

    I had been housebound for a couple years but this summer I was able to get out some for the first time in years. It felt like I came to life again. My husband took me to the Cleveland zoo a couple times. He had to push me in a wheelchair most of the time but it was so fun to see all the animals.

    Anyway, I'd love to hear more about where you live and what other types of animals visit your yard:)

    Sorry about the monkeys. I'm not quite the nuisance that monkeys are but I am curious and I hope to be energetic some day again:)

    Have a wonderful day:)

    [This Message was Edited on 10/03/2006]
  19. JuliannaG

    JuliannaG New Member

    I would be most grateful.

    Actually, I think we have mole rats, rather than moles. At the moment, our garden is like a trench war zone, there are so many tunnels. You have to be careful where you walk or your feet sink into the ground and you could twist your ankle. Of course, the dogs are good at catching them, but they dig craters first so the garden is going to h**l!

    The other wildlife we get are huge grey ibises with beaks about a foot long. We welcome them as they eat the crickets and other pests. They have a very raucous call which can be quite startling if you don't notice they are there, and suddenly they let rip!

    There are also mongoose in the bushes a little way away - they don't actually come into our yard. We also get large lizards with blue heads, especially in summer. There is a family of them. They run all over the place catching insects. Snakes galore, but mostly non-venemous. My husband is always getting call-outs from the neighbours.
  20. monkeykat

    monkeykat Member

    Hi Julianna,

    When we moved into our home our yard was so full of tunnels from the moles that it looked like swiss cheese.

    At first, my husband bought poison peanuts, but i didn't want him to use them b/c i just really hate killing animals if I don't have to. Sooooo....

    To keep moles away naturally, we have used these green tubes that we put into the ground. They have batteries in them and emit a sound that keeps pesty rodents away. I'm not sure what they are called but if you look for them you may find them.

    I couldn't believe these green sound tubes worked but I guess the frequency of sound keeps them away. As soon as I took the tubes out of the ground a couple weeks ago, the moles came back. The moles dig holes in our yard to get to the grubs. They like to eat grubs.

    In order to get rid of grubs, I had my husband spread milky spore bacteria (according to directions) in the yard. The other thing we do to keep grubs at bay is to use a hose-end sprayer to spray 1 oz of Shaklee Basic H per gallon of water on the lawn each month. It's non-toxic and it makes the grass grow really well and grubs don't like it:)

    Anyway, these are the things we do to keep our yard from looking like "swiss cheese".

    You have such interesting animals in your yard. Do they just feel like common animals to you since you are so familiar with them?

    I can't remember what an ibis or a mongoose looks like. I'll have to look them up to see what they look like. I don't think they have them at our zoo. I still have a bit of a poor memory which is frustrating. I had almost NO brain 2 years ago...what a mess my mind was.

    As a child, I used to sit for hours and look at animals in our encyclopedia. I remember looking at lots of lizards and snakes. The large lizards with blue heads sound really great.

    Your life sounds so exciting to me...
    Have a wonderful day...

    PS: I just edited this message. I looked up ibises - they are really pretty birds.

    I also looked up the mongoose. I guess they can range from 1-4 feet in length. How large are yours? I suppose the mongoose frustrates the efforts of your husband in that the mongoose seems to target all the small animals for food. I suppose a lot of snakes are eaten by the mongoose.

    [This Message was Edited on 10/05/2006]

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