Husbands or boyfriends

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by roseylisa, Jun 6, 2006.

  1. roseylisa

    roseylisa New Member

    Anyone have their husbands or boyfriend tell you they did'nt believe that you have fibromyalgia? That it is all in your head? Same with having the restless leg syndrome. I told him yes I love being miserable so I pretend to be!
  2. TxSongBird

    TxSongBird New Member

    and has never said anything hurtful or negative about my condition. He has RA so he understands the pain, exhaustion and frustration with dealing with this illness. We own our business and we work together so he see's my up's and down's and understands when I am sick and can't come in and sit for 10 hours a day. I try to be active and not miss a lot of work, because it is our business, money in our pocket and we depend on each other.

    TxSongBird
  3. kalley167

    kalley167 New Member

    He has seen how it has affected me. The one good thing that has come out of this illness is I feel we have grown closer and our faith has also grown. I have a good marriage 21 years June 8th.
    It would be horrible to have the closest person too you not believe you. I am Thankful.
  4. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    my husband was very supportive and still is BUT he cannot deal with the illness even though he lives with it. He cannot face it. We are waiting for him to join me and my daughter at therapy even though he continues to say he will go he still hasn't gotten there. He has created his own problem by taking too many of his meds for his back, which stresses me and makes my situation worse but I have to remove myself from that.
    I have learned I have to be true to me and whatever happens ,happens. Are marriage has definitely changed, we are no longer intimate which I thought would never happen to us but I guess all things do change.

  5. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    Until we started divorce proceedings, he NEVER doubted that these illnesses are real.

    He still knows that they are, but now he's lying about it.

    That "in sickness and in health" thing only counted when HE was sick..

    - julie (is free!)

    When days like these
    start to fall in on me
    I gotta face my reflection and say
    Been burned by the fire
    Been stuck under water
    Strung up on a wire
    and still the world goes around
    Been tossed like a free throw
    Knocked out when the wind blows
    Pull the curtain on the hurtin'
    'cause I'm not goin' down.. - Jo Dee Messina

  6. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

  7. Mar19

    Mar19 New Member

    To be honest, at first he thought I was being dramatic.

    I've probably had this all my life. I was hospitalized at age 4 and confined to bed for a year. They Dx'd me with rheumatic fever at the time, but the doctors told my parents I really didn't fit the profile at all. My biggest complaint was the unrelenting pain and extreme fatigue. It was in the early 50's what did they know?

    I was able to push my way thru life until the mid 90's. It was never easy, but doable. Since I had always fought these symptoms, I thought it was the way everyone felt.

    In '98 my doc took me out of work "for 3 months" and I haven't been able to work since. Heck, I've barely been out of the house since.

    Back in '98 I'd say dh was concerned - sort of. When I didn't get better or return to work, he would accuse me of not trying, whatever. I just had to block that out because I needed all my strength to go about day to day.

    Things got really bad between us for a couple of years and then slowly he realized how sick I really am. Gosh, it only took him what? Eight years of me being in a flare to realize?? Not bitter, really. Just glad he's finally realized.

    This past week I crashed big time. Boom! I spent all but three or four hours in bed -- of an entire week. He was on vacation, of course we couldn't go anywhere. Instead he cooked and cleaned and waited on me.

    We still have our rough patches. Some would say too many rough patches maybe, maybe - maybe not. To my way of thinking, it's got to be really hard living with someone who is always always always sick. No matter what.

    I try to push myself. We've gone on a couple of trips and I pretty much run on adrenaline when we go. When we come back. Crash! There are choices to be made in any life, right? Sometimes I make the choice to push myself for a trip or an outting and then know I'll be completely useless for the next weeks, or how ever long it takes.

    I'm thankful it took me this long to get so bad. I got to enjoy raising my kids and stuff like that. All in all, I can't complain.

    Also, I think I'm glad the docs could never figure out what was wrong with me. Maybe I wouldn't have pushed myself so hard and just given in to all the symptoms.

    Do you understand? I've always known I faced an uphill battle, but the doctors were never able to pin down anything concrete being wrong with me, so they'd send me on my merry way. I'd struggle, but I'd get by.

    Since being Dx'd all I've really gained is a name for what I have. There is really not a whole lot of help. (I have FM/CFS/CMP/OA/CRPS, nerve damage from failed back surgeries, etc, etc).

    Bottom line is, if I knew how much was wrong with me, maybe I would have given up a long long time ago? Make any sense? I'm probably just rambling again, right? LOL

    After 35 yrs of being married, I guess we're stuck with one another! LOL We've both been thru a lot together, good and bad. Just maybe there will be a lot more good down the road.

    mar

  8. Gladiatorgirl2

    Gladiatorgirl2 New Member

    I got diagnosed young and have been unable to even keep a boyfriend because of this illness. They all think its in my head or I'm being ridiculous. They get irritated and unable to deal with me being sick on a daily basis and end up breaking up with me. Any advice on keeping a guy would be greatly appreciated.
  9. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

    I have had very very few boyfriends like 1 boyfriend LOL, and now some I was dating but they are very shortlived.

    Men are very hard to keep around because they just cannot deal with the fact that I am ill and go through so much.

    They of course like to go by looks and tell me I am too pretty to be ill, and I say hey numnut illness does not look at physical features, what you do for a living, etc. It can happen to anyone. You would think they would learn by now!

    "GOSH,IDIOT!!!" Taken from a movie called Napaleon Dynamite. LOL


    So I have come to realize that no man will understand my chronic illnesses (out here or anywhere LOL).

    I have not met one yet, they claim to understand but do certain things in the way they act that makes you think differently, so I don't know. I am not rushing to meet anyone. I just date just so I can get out of the house sometimes, that's it.

    It does break my heart that I can't meet anyone decent and I do blame my illness over it. That also goes with trying to make new friends.

    Socially I am kind of doomed in that area.[This Message was Edited on 06/06/2006]
  10. Gladiatorgirl2

    Gladiatorgirl2 New Member

    I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who can't seem to get a boyfriend due to my chronic illness. Its just a sad fact of reality I guess. All of my friends and family don't understand why someone as pretty as me can't keep a boyfriend, but they don't want to deal with you being sick. Its so frustrating.
  11. millennia

    millennia New Member

    You just have to keep trying until you meet the right guy. My guy takes such good care of me, he is always so supportive. He cleans the house and even cooks if I'm not feeling up to it. I dated a lot of losers before I met him. You just have to keep looking. Finding a good guy is like shopping in those bargain bins, you have to look through a lot of crap before you find the treasure.
  12. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    He is the one that insisted I go to the doctors.He went to every appointment and test with me.He sat and talked to the doctors ,

    He would explain to them what exactly was going on with me.He saw things that I did not.

    I thank God every day for him.He does everything works 2 jobs cleans house cooks ( He is an awesome cook)He also does the laundry helps me dress when I'm real bad .

    He is a true believer.He did his own research.And he supports every thing I try to get well.

    He even cried at my SSD hearing.He did not speak though.

    So I would say he is 100% supportive.

    Take care
    Sue
  13. jarjar

    jarjar New Member

    Speaking as a married male with a spouse you can't blame it on males. My lyme disease was not only a loss to me but a loss to my wife also. After so many years it takes a toll on either sex. It has been somewhat of a plus when I discovered it was Lyme not CFS that had kept me ill for so many years. Lyme is not such a mystery disease as FM or CFS. I'm getting better by following lyme treatments.

    But it takes a special person that wants to get involved with a person with a chronic illness. They are out there but it may take awhile to find that special one.

    Love and light

    jar

  14. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    He said it reminded him of a joke,a couple were saying their wedding vows.The minister said to the woman for richer or poorer.She said Richer.he asked her husband in sickness or in health.He said Health.

    My husband has been a musician all his life.When he had a stroke 6 years ago.I was the one working(i started getting stronger symptoms starting then.I did all the cleaning also.
    He cut 3 fingers off the same time my symptoms got worse.We work as a team.Now he is doing better and does all the working cooking and cleaning and busy of all he still calls me beautiful every day.I am so lucky to have him.Linda
  15. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    My husband feels that there is NO such thing as fibromyaligia or Chronic Meyofacial Pain Syndrome.
    With the fibro you don't get tired, have achey muscles, for get things and repeat your self . For every symptom of fibro he has a answer for why you would feel that way and not have fibro.

    Mine also believes that I am totally addicted to my MScontin. I have days where I will wake up at 7 am and take my MScontin and MSIR { INSTANT RELEASE}. I don't really do any thing during the day execpt really light things so my pain level is much lower so I don't end up taking any more toll 11 pm. So I have only taken 2 pills in over 12 hours but I have a addiction problem.

    I don't know what it is that is in their minds that just because some thing does not show up on a test ,it means that there is NOTHING WRONG . It is really sad as my MIL had lupus when she passed away and from the lupus she had no immune system.But my husband believes that she didn't have lupus " the doctors just made that up as did his sisters" .But if that were the case then why didn't she have any immune system to fight off the phemumonia that had taken over her body? There has to be a reason for her not having an immune system and it is upsetting that he firmly belives that she didn't have lupus.

    I have wondered if there is a gene in men that makes them need proof for every illness there is. And if you don't have that proof as we can't go in and get a blood test and it will show up fibromyaligia. I really think that they need to have some thing that they understand a real reason for my pain and fatique and all the rest of the symptoms I have with fibro and CMP. And since there is not " positive proof" .That I really have a illness he doubts that what I have is real. It is something the doctors have made up when they can't find some thing real that is making you ill.

    Now he is starting to belive that I really may have something more than the back problems and my knee problems that has affected me. HE is starting to wonder why I am so tired all the time and even then he blames my meds as what is causing my fatique and being sleepy all the time. Yes I know that some of it will cause that but I have been on my pain meds for over 3 years now and have not changed them or the dosage.

    Men are just wired differently than women and I am not meaning to put the guys down. AS the guys that post here still have some of the same problems with the women in their lives.

    SO I guess I really don't have the answer except that my husband does not believe that I have CMP or the fibro.

    HUGS,
    Rosemarie
  16. cathugs

    cathugs New Member

    I have a complainer in my house also.

    What I hear is:

    #1 You are taking too much "dope."

    #2 Why do you have to go to more than one Dr.?

    #3 Why do you sit up all night?

    #4 How can you lay in the bed all day?

    There is a lot more but the "fog" is rolling in
    and I can't think straight.

    I have had fibro and a bunch of other problems
    for years.Is he never gonna get it?

    I am a sick woman !!! He should know this by now !

    I worked for 29 years, raised 2 kids practically
    by my self. Kept my house spotless.

    He should know by now that "this" is not the
    real me. All he worries about is himself.
    We have been married 44 years and he has already told me
    that he won't look after me if I can't take care
    of my self.

    Oh, well what goes around comes around. He is
    almost 71 years old and keeps saying he hopes
    he never has to go to the Rest Home.

    I am 59 and still able to drive, go shopping.
    and take care of my self.

    How ever I do all this in a lot pain and am on lots of meds.. but I push my self to make it,
    "One day at a time".

    Hope I'm making a little sense here.


    (((Foggy Hugs))) Ruth
  17. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    w/ this disease, or even that its super hard. I haven't ever had a problem. Even when I got super sick and could barely do anything. I'd figure if anyone is going to have an extra problem, it would be the chemically sensitive camp. And I'm very MCS, and it makes me quite high maintenance to date. They can't where cologne, have to change all products and cleaners, get rid of airfresheners, etc. There have been a few that didn't have enough spark w/ me to bother w/ it all, but surprisingly not many. They usually change their products on their own when they realize I have to shoo them away if they don't and they trigger me.

    The silver lining about this illness is, when you find someone who thinks you are worth the effort, you know you've found someone who really believes in better or worse, and wants you for you. Many healthy people go into marriage, and find out the hard way, when health fails, that thier spouse wasn't all that.


    Jeanne