i am getting overwhelmed/long read

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 69mach1, Mar 22, 2006.

  1. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i've been in a major flare for almost 6 weeks...too drained to even go to the dr's...

    i don't feel like driving ot go me refills on meds...i am just trying to get the 16 year old to and from school and track practice and events...i can't even think of the word ..track meet...

    i was just told that he was invited to go to san francisco invitationals...which is wonderful...but i just can't get the joy in my heart...because i am so so tired and hurting...
    this takes place on saturday morning he will need to be there by 8 am....which means they will want him at the school so we can meet to car pool...which is out of my way...i am bitter and angry in my heart at his father///

    why you say,,,?it is his dad's weekend...he is supposed to get him on friday at 6:30 pm...dad lives 75 miles away...


    i am getting worked up about this already..i am p.o..because the dad will say i think cody will do better by sleeping at your house...

    you see dad is running a security under the table cash business at local bars in san jose ca...well he gets off work around 2 am...well he likes to drink as well....
    and who knows what else...
    he doesn't do drugs, never has...he just isn't much of a father...he is a unmedicated bipolar person, who self medicates w/booze...

    anwyas i do not have any family here in california..i feel like crap...i feel like i have to go support my son for i am the one he can and always counts on... yes i am proud of him//he is place 1st in the county here...

    but i want a break... and i already know the dad is going to say he will take him home after the track meet...spend the night and back...

    i was thinking about telling him he can have him next weekend instead for the next two weeks but...now he will have track pics on saturday april 1 at 9 am...so no break...

    and i get bitter because the dad is out doing whatever he wants to when ever he wants to...he can entertain whomever he wants...i do not do that with my son home...and truthfully i have not had ---since xmas...from the ex...well anyways...he said he was getting help counseling...but really found out it is a stripper who has/is taking psychology classes...anyways i don't want to get into details..just wanted to vent and i feel really sad...that i can not have a life...

    at times i have thought about dropping my (our) son off at his dad's front door and say i have raised him for 16 years , i'm tired and i want to live my life...i have always had to do what everyone else wanted...i had to listen to my parents and husband and my employers...i'm just using the same b.s. excuses he has on me...his 15 year old mind...

    but since i know he is not stable...he hear voices...he drinks and lies, cheats...and god know what else...spending sprees......but i do love my son and i can not do that to him..then he will hate me for sure...he knows what is dad is all about...he had counseling appts to talk about his dad...and his behavior...

    sorry i just am overwhelmed and i don't know how to get this bitterness out of me...i love this man but i depise what he has put his child and myself thru...i know it isn't me it is his illiness...it makes me angry he will not get the help...but i can not force him...i just am tired of hearing about how broke he is...when he is a steamfitter by day in a union... and secruity owner/boucer by night...so i know what he is capable of making in the bar industry aND PERSONAL security jobs he has done..


    any advice anyone? i have a child support attorney appt on march 28th..to modify the child support...eh has taken him when he has to for vacations and when he has footbal and track season()cody), he will tell me to keep him...

    i am tired of being thwe resposible one...

    my rent has been increased strting may first...my ex told me it isn't worth it andi need to move out...i told him i'm going to michigan...he shut up and got really quiet...cause it is already in the marital settelement that i may at antime...and then he said i need to move down to sanjose then cody could walk to school...

    anwyas i am not going to move down there so i can see him screw up his life even more...about three more years and i don't have to play the everyother weekend or when ever i can with my son...

    jodie
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    the sad thing is that it seems i am almost the only other parent that attends all of the track meets i just don't get this day and age...and the school does not take a bus...

    and i hate to say this but my son really doesn't have any friends...only his girlfriend..which is non sexual...but she is emotional drama in my opinion...

    the friends he had in junior high have turned to advertising thier marjuana and alcohol consumption on myspace...and they do nothing no sports...just no good...
    yeah they have to do summer school every year...

    so my son has not done any of these things and he just sort of doesn't feel like he fits in anywhere cause he said he doesn't like people...

    he get teased...he just isn't outgoing w/people...i know him leaving on everyother weekends he is at his dads he doesn't socialize with other kids from his school...his psycologist was worried about this and thought his gf was a good thing for him cause she is really only friend he has...

    he is altheltic plays football and was a starter...never played a day in his life...never had his father help with sports..even though father had pro try outs..gifted family in football...and his dad went to state in michigan in track...but his dad is not really here for him...

    well anyways.. i don't have menay choices...i need to change the child visitation arrangements...and put it at the actual time he spends with his son...i had given him 20% actual time which is 10% more time than it is on the books...which the 10% is really more like 4% time out of the year spent with his child...

    i will let my attorney deal with this...i already know he is going to turn in to a manic man...when he gets the papers...he has tried to get me to think i can not change the child support...i know better...


    jodie