I Am Going To Stop The Feelings Of Guilt Or At Least Try

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by greatgran, Apr 10, 2009.

  1. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    I have felt so guilty over the way I feel and not being able to do, I bet I say I am sorry many times to my family each day. Well, I have made up my mind, no more, I hate this dd , I hate not being able to do but feeling guilty isn't helping. Now, I don't know how but am sure going to give it a try and try to concerate on taking care of me and hope to learn to say no.

    I have pushed and tried to be normal when I am not. Its driving me nuts. I hope they understand but if not then so be it. I have got to take care of me the best I can because I see myself slowly getting worse.

    I do believe this DD affects our whole bodies and is Neurological plus more, for the first time that explains the anxiety/depression (the neurological part) I actually thought I could control my anxiety/depression and other symptoms doing like others say, just get over it. Well, it is medically impossible at least for now.

    If any of you have any suggestions would love to hear them. Now, I say this Lord help me stick to it.

    Just Venting,
  2. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    That's right. I say that I do the best I can every day and I know that's good enough for God and if it's not good enough for the people in my life that's their problem.

    I have to remind myself of this all the time because the guilt sneaks back in constantly. I think this is a lifelong process. It's normal for us to feel this way.

    When I can expend my energy and want to I do but I don't push myself anymore unless paying for it's worth it to me.

  3. gongee

    gongee New Member

    I can so relate to this greatgran. I have apologized and cried so much because of all the things I can't do that I use to. Since I have lost most all my friends, I found out who my true ones are and I can tell you there aren't many. The guilt that goes along with this DD
    especially with family members is sometimes overwhelming. Since I am not able to be at their beckon call, all but a few don't even call or come around anymore. I miss them and especially my grandchildren. I am also stopping with the guilt. I didn't ask for this DD,
    but here it is, and I have to be able to enjoy what I have especially on a good day. I decided to step back from the ones that have walked away from me, set boundaries and hope they will come back into my life, but if not, it is their lost. I have to focus on my health (mentally and physically), becuase as you know the anxiety and depression doesn't help this stuff at all.

    Take care of yourself. You are special and don't need to apologize ever again for being sick.
    There may come a day when you are better and those that have made you feel quilty for having this DD will be in your shoes, and I know you will not turn your back on them. You are too good for that.

  4. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    I feel guilty about the things that I can't do with my family. It's hard to say no but
    I have been practicing that more~ but its not easy.

    I also get depressed and sad that I can't have the old me back. I was so active and
    busy in my kids lives. I do what I can but I miss the old me . I had one of my kids teachers
    years ago tell me I was an energizer bunny and now I can't get the battery started. sad

    We do need to remember we are each special and we have to take of ourselves
    Gentle hugs, Susan
  5. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    It's funny - I don't have family around to apologize to, but I still feel guilty with this DD for not being able to do what I think I should. I put all the pressure on myself.

    Anyways, I think it's great you've decided to stop feeling guilty. I know it can be a battle, but at least it's good to aim for that. You do need to take care of yourself - no one else can do it for you. And stress does nothing but make us worse. I've found that pushing myself is about the worst thing I can do, physically and emotionally.

    Just this morning I was feeling a little sick - I've been fighting various bugs forever, and realized I can't do all the things I wanted to do today. My first reaction was frustration and a little anger at myself - and then I did some EFT and realized I needed to take care of myself and not beat myself up. So I'll do fewer things today, but I actually feel better than I did earlier.

    You might want to look up EFT - the website is emofree dot com - there are instructions you can download. It's helped me a lot with emotional issues, and I'm hoping that eventually dealing with emotional stuff will trickle down and help my body to heal. It can be very powerful. You can do it on your own, which I did off and on for awhile. About two months ago I found an MFT counselor who does it with me over the phone. I know that sounds strange but it really works. She's giving me a reduced rate because of my low income, and I am making progress. It involves tapping on various accupressure points while saying certain affirmations -that doesn't really explain it very well, but gives a very general idea.

    You can see examples of it on youtube. I've bought some of the DVDs from the website, which I highly recommend if you're going to pursue it.

    Take care --

  6. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Greantgran this is such good news and long over due.

    I think now you will start to see an improvement in your anixety and depression. I to say the sorry thing and had such a hard time stopping helping with my grandkids.
    For some reason the past 6 months my anixety and head issuses have gotten alot worse,so I think theres neuro wierdness big time. Im even getting parnoid!

    Rest,listen to your body and pray. You are going in the right direction.
  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    if this will be helpful, but there are a couple books on assertive behavior you might want to look at.

    The Power of No by Susan Newman, and

    When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manual Smith

    Helped me anyway.

    Good luck

  8. Aberlaine

    Aberlaine Member

    It's great to hear that you're going to try to stop feeling guilty around your family. You didn't willingly get this DD, it was put on you.

    Keep up the good work!
  9. kat0465

    kat0465 New Member

    everything on this post!! i know you do a tremendous amount for your kids & grandgirls. you have nothing to feel sorry for!!!
    we all do what we can for our Families, and i believe even tho we are sick,we still do way more than most Healthy Normal people do!!! we overcompensate, even tho we will be sicker for it
    Remember what i told you about my mother? and she has never been sick a day in her life!!
    So Gran, your doing Great!!!they can consider themselves lucky to have you,whatever the Package is!!!
    Love, Kat[This Message was Edited on 04/10/2009]
  10. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member


    I too am working on this - I am trying to take back control of what I do or don't do - a couple of years ago things got really bad between me and DH because of the stress we both felt because I became unable to take part in family events (Christmas and Easter holidays, birthdays etc)

    This year, my new year resolution was to start to put myself first for the first time.

    None of my family (sister excepted) are supportive or caring towards me so I decided to put some space between me and them and stop forcing myself to partake in events for which I paid dearly afterwards when they actually did not even treat me with respect.

    DH went to a big party for his grandmother's 90th birthday today - I told him flat I was not going and I sent her some flowers and a card instead.

    Today has actually marked an important turning point for us (I hope).

    I find that if I am very direct with DH and stay firm (and not ACT or feel guilty) it works better.

    He came home tonight, showed me photos and we sat and watched TV - no arguments and no apparent resentment from him for a change. He's happy and I'm happy (and relieved)

    The key is to take control of your own life and emotions - DO NOT let others emotionally manipulate you or guilt you into doing what is not right for you.

    Sure it gets lonely but I'd rather be lonely than feeling upset and guilty and more ill and arguing the whole time.

    When you start respecting yourself, people treat you with more respect.

    Those people that still continue to treat you with disrespect are not worth your precious time and energy - lose them!!

    Love Bunchy x
  11. faithinlove

    faithinlove New Member

    I think you are a fantastick person who is beginning to stand up for herself. There are so many times when I have felt what you have described. I have just started to try to do the same thing as you have concluded to do. I know it is hard to say no because sometimes we think we are being selfish saying this. I do know that if we do not look out for ourselves then who will?

    So keep your head held high and say no if you need to. Stay strong and go one day at a time and when the guilt starts bothering you remember that you are important and how you feel matters.

    Take care GG and you are in my thoughts...Love, Faith :)
    Thanks for having the courage to vent about this..you have helped me by posting.
  12. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    He doesn't "control every move I make", he is very close to his family and when I was not able to see them as much, there were some problems - we are still both trying to adjust to an extremely difficult situation.

    In all other ways, he has been a fantastic husband and I would not be without him (unless he betrayed me somehow)!

    Don't worry - he is a decent man :)

    Love Bunchy x

  13. harmony21

    harmony21 New Member

    Hi gg I have just finsished reading the fibromyalgia awareness mag in which it has tips and skills we can adapt to mange better our symptoms. It however makes me guilty when I read these and am not eating the best way I should because Iam fatigued and am NOT feeling better because I am NOT exercising as it says to do or am NOT conquering my sleeping problems because I sleep all day and most of the night and the only thing I have the energy for is watching television which they say not to do REALLY what do you do?????

    good luck all

    lots of angel hugs