I am having such a hard time.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by code34me, Aug 17, 2006.

  1. code34me

    code34me New Member

    How do you all do it? This FM is playing such tricks on my mind! I feel like a failure of a mother. I need rest and cant get any because I have a 4 year old son. Just turned 4 yesterday. I also have a alomst 14 year old daughter who just started highschool today!

    I hurt like I cant explain and my mind feels awful!I dont want this for me or my children! I just want to cry this is not the way I wanted my life to be!!

    Am I the only one who feels like this? Everyone seems so positive here all the time and I am not a complainer so dont post much just read and search for some hope.

    It is what FM/CFS does to your mind that is the hardest for me. I feel trapped in my body and want to be free. I want to laugh for real instead of putting on the fake face for my childen.

    Just venting, Codey
  2. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Codey:

    I found that I have been in a 'culture of sickness'. Of course that means venting, doctors visits, feelings like you describe and so on.

    I made it my goal to accept my sickness and deal with it the best way I could.

    I changed the way I looked at things and rearranged my life around the sickness.

    This way everything seemed to fall into place.

    Have you told your children that you are sick, especially your high-schooler? They may understand more than you think and be your greatest help.

    I would not vent in front of them. I would probably come here first.

    I have read that kids are most helpful when they do not get drawn into the craziness we can get into sometimes.

    Quiet time and meditation is also good.

    Balancing life in the 'culture of sickness' is an art.

    You will get the hang of it. And hang in there til it comes.

    hugs,
    nyrofan
  3. Amy143

    Amy143 New Member

    Hi There... yes I completely understand. I have had fibromyalgia since early 1996. And by the way, you can vent all you want. You have alot to vent about. Fibro is harsher than cancer in my eyes and most I have met. Doctors gave up on me a long time ago.... Thank god I am still alive, this thing has taken me to my knees but I am still fighting it... and yes it did get better at some point, and now it is back.
    I pray alot, I eat all raw foods now, organic, I only drink Fiji or Evian water, I drink about 1 gallon a day of it....I stay away from stress as much as I can/smoke and any negative energy and I do alittle yoga, and take Mag-Malate and some other supplements also...

    There are many theories to Fibro and why certain people get it... but I will not get into those yet.. Since I am a veteran with dealing with this ravaging illness... I do have alot to share..:) so I hope you will be open to that... I am here to cure this thing, NOT live with it..
    and yes I did cure it 2x and it came back...and there is an answer that I believe to be true as why.

    I will pray for you- Yes, it messes with the mind badly...
    But I know you will be ok~
  4. BEARANDBUGSMOM

    BEARANDBUGSMOM New Member

    about feeling completely hopeless and helpless...My son will be four in Novembe and my daughter will be 3 in January and I feel like this should be the best time of my life, I am a stay at home mom, but we are in the crapper with the bills I need to get at least a part time job but I dont think that I can do it. I am completely stressed out over the bills and it's because I just can't remember anything or conscentrate long enough to get them under control. I cant seem to pull the right words out of my mouth anymore, my son is starting to finish my sentences!!

    I only have enough energy to take care of them, i take them to the play area because it's too hot to play outside and I don't have enough energy for anything else.

    Sometimes I hate posting because I feel like I'm complaining all the time.

    I just wanted you to know that you are absolutly not alone...I hate this condition, I hate feeling like this and not knowing what to take or what to do about it.

    (((HUGS)))
    Kelly
  5. Maddreamer

    Maddreamer New Member

    Try to enjoy what you can do as much as possible. This stage won't go on forever - and eventually your little son will go to school and you'll be able to get some rest during the day. And even if it's only watching a comedy show on TV - try to have a real laugh - it helps a little. Keep your chin up!
  6. laura3951

    laura3951 New Member

    i was reding your post and i feel so much the same way except i do include my children, i have rhuemitoid arthritis and i have a 16 year old and a 2year old. i do all i can and couldnt get by without their help. i dont complain except on the really bad days but this is our life. since ra is progressive i want to be able to still function in 10 years so i do less now. they know the possibility that i could be crippled so they have to help its ok to need it!i function high on the good days take my meds and d the best i vcan missy
  7. hope4today

    hope4today New Member

    My heart goes out to you...have had this DD since 1985 (and am 50 now). The hardest part was when I had preschoolers!!!

    I trained my kids to stay in their rooms for a quiet time from 1-2pm or so...they had a special box of books and their taperecorders for music and stories. I couldn't really sleep but could really work at relaxing all my muscles. visualized a warm light shining down on me progressing down from my head to my toes. this daily routine helped keep me sane!

    check out the Flylady website for help with settling up routines to simplify and structure your life. Just start with one thing at a time and let her help you break things down into managable bits.

    hugs, Hope
  8. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    No you are not the only one who feels this way. Chronic illness and pain gets to the very best of people. It is hard to deal with for sure.

    I give myself permission to be angry about this, permission also to excuse myself for the things I can no longer do and can only hope that those around me accept me for this.

    I think your 14 year old will be able to understand somewhat, if not right at the moment then when she is a little older. Four year olds are very accepting.

    You have a lovely family. Just try and be yourself, despite the pain. I also have a lot of the pain in the same areas you do and it surely is a real bummer.

    I can relate to when you say, "I want to laugh for real".

    I found that keeping a pain diary helped me keep things a little more in perspective as I could see the pain did shift about quite a lot both locations and intensity.

    A cure is on its way I am certain. See Fight4cure post re anti virals. This may be pointing us in the right direction, plus some doctors do think that antibiotics can help some. I intend to try both of these once our school year starts September 6th(you start early in CA!)

    Big hug to you and hope that you are having a better day today.

    Love Anne Cromwell