I am new and this is my story

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ms1guitar, Apr 16, 2003.

  1. ms1guitar

    ms1guitar New Member

    Hello, my name is Betty I am 49 years old, I have been in pain for atleast the past 15 years.I hope I don't bore you, I feel like I am complaining, but I really could use some hope. I have always been a person that stays busy. I am a professional musician,and a merchandiser, well, I use to be a merchandiser, I had that job for the past 9 years, but I had to quit this past june, because I was in too much pain, I have burning pain in my Feet, my lower back and right side all the way down to my ankle.I have degenerative disc disease,and sciatica pain.I have days when I don't feel stiff, and tired, and sleepy, when I can clean my house a little. I have always kept a clean house, but I can no longer keep it the way I want it.Most Days, I just want to sleep. I have Gained 100 lbs in the last 2 years. I am so heavy I can't stand it anymore,I don't want to be around friends etc this way. I think I eat because I feel so awful.I feel old.There are days that I can't bend my hands,my hands and feet are swollen,I have numbness in my toes.It hurts to write. when I press down, my thumb area is in intense pain.I have points all over my body when touched that burn with pain.If I do push myself to get things done, I am so stiff I have to pull my leg up with my sock to put my shoes on, and my body feels hot ,and I feel sick, like I have the flu.the next day after pushing myself, I am exhausted. I sleep in my recliner, all night.I never wake up feeling rested, I wake up stiff hurting and trying to get my pain pills in me and working, which they don't very well anymore, I am afraid to tell my DR my pills aren't working, because I am afraid he will say if they aren't working, then you don't need them, and then take them away from me.I have applied for disability and social security.I get regular disability right now, $50.00 a week. I have no strenght in my hands, I am unable to lift hardly anything, but I push myself, and I really pay for it. I am on anti depressants, is their anyone out there living like this? know of anything that helps? I would appreciate any thoughts, to you all, I hope things get better for you, I know the feeling of constant pain.am I just getting older? is 49 old? Bye for now, Betty
  2. BooBa

    BooBa New Member

    I'm sorry to hear your in so much pain. If the pain medication is not helping, why not tell your Dr. Maybe there is a medication out there that will may benefit from. If your Dr. is not helping, change Drs. I know what you mean about weight. I have gained 45lbs in 6 months on my antidepressents even though I've changed them. I feel extremely ugly, and don't even like taking a shower, looking at my gross body in the mirror.

    good luck
  3. ms1guitar

    ms1guitar New Member

    Hello Booba, thank you for your reply, yeah, I am going to have to do something, Dr's think you are lying just to get drugs. Not my case. I am just on a downer,the pain does it.The weight gain is really getting me down.How are you, do you manage your pain ok? well, it is late, I will go to sleep in my recliner chair. It is the only place I can lay, to where my weight is not pressing downward.I can only lay in bed for short times. GOOD NIGHT!! Thank You.
  4. BooBa

    BooBa New Member

    I'm not in pain, only in my mind from depression. I bought my mom a tempro pedic matress. It's expensive, but you can buy a pad that's a lot cheaper. My mom really likes it as she has a lot of pain in her hips. You have to stand up to your Dr. or they will walk all over you. Get agressive with them, that's the only way I've found to ever get help.....
    Good luck
  5. mamafrey1

    mamafrey1 New Member

    Dear Betty, sorry to hear about all of your pain. I have had Fibro for 5 years now, also possible early stages of MS. I do understand your depression with not getting alot of things done. I use to work like a man. We live on a farm. On top of that i had to have my yard and house perfect. The only time i get depressed is when i can't get everything done. I really go into depression then. I've always had to have everything perfect. I never wanted to go on antidepressants because i felt like my mind was fine, it was okay to deal with a little depression when i couldn't get things done. Well i finally broke down a month ago when my neurologist and dr. advised me to go on something. I did - they put me on zoloft. I have mellowed out on it. Swore all these years i would never do it and finally did. As far as my weight i had three of my four children in my 30's, back to back. I use to be tall and fit well now i am 25 lbs. over weight. Haven't been able to get it off. I just stay the same no matter what i do. I don't like it, but i guess i feel i am not going to exhaust myself with alot of exercising and starving myself to get it off. I feel like you - i hate going out in public looking like a quarterback. Just wish there was a easy way to exercise and a easy way to diet but of course nothing is easy, my only advice is to pray that God will just help you deal with whatever your going through on a day to day basis. I feel it becomes then alot of things WE consider important to us really isn't. There are more important things in life to make us feel better than the perfect weight, house, ect. We are all human and want these things, but all of us have so many more blessings in front of us that we don't see. If anything try to focus on your blessings. Don't mean to preach, i am far from a holy roller but maybe this will help. I know its tough especially when you feel so terrible. I go through it too. Just hang in there, HUGS to you. mamafrey
  6. leokat

    leokat New Member

    It sure sounds like you are having a tough time right now.

    I can relate to so much of what you say. I have been diagnosed with FM this past 18 months. However, I had been sick with CFS/FM for a long time before this - I just didn't realise it. All my life I have pushed myself to do more. All my adult life I have beaten myself up for being lazy. I come from a working class family where the work eithic reigns supreme(sorry to those reading this who have read about this in other messages). People in my family simply don't spend their days resting up on a sofa and they certainly don't complain when the going gets tough. At one stage I tried to tell myself I wasn't like them. I was a hippy, a feminist, glad to be free of the shackles of traditional women's lives. This was only partly true. The other part of the truth was I wanted a nice tidy, neat home. I wanted to be a productive member of society. I just couldn't do what it took t achieve this.

    As for weight. I am grossly overweight - I have no idea how much cos I find its better for me if I don't focus too much on it. Lets just say that if I get much larger there will probably be no clothes in the shop to fit me. I know I use food as a comfort (though I am coming to realise that it is also an addiction and that I almost certainly have food intolerences that make my symptoms worse.

    My weight, and the fact that I don't get my hair done and buy nice clothes, means that I too hate to see myself in the mirror and be seen by other people. Inside I know that I shouldn't mind what others think, and maybe it was easier not to when I was younger, but I do mind.

    Recently my health has allowed me to just about keep up with the housework and cook for myself and my daughter. However, this is not always the case. I then get terribly frustrated and feel that I am totally useless as a person. Though I try very hard to work through these feelings and remain optomistic, if not for myself then for my daughter.

    I find my pain meds do little more than bring my pain under a little control. They allow me to do more than I'd be able to do without them but I am never without pain. I have simply learned to live with it.

    Having said that I am going back to my doctor in a couple of weeks to discuss a different regime - it is scary and there is always the thought that he will stop my pain meds but if he and I don't work together on this nothing will improve. As they say (sorry don't know who 'they' are): 'If you keep on doing what you're doing you'll get what you've got'.

    In addition I'm considering giving my diet a major overhaul and am planning to post a message here (well in a thread of my own not yours) asking for suggestions.

    A decent bed ought to help. I got a new one two years ago. Nothing special, (just a medium firm reasonably good quality one) and my sleep has improved no end. One thoguht - I use loads of pillows to help prop me up and to keep my tender points from pressing into the bed. I've also heard really good things about the Tempro mattresses. It might be worth considering if you can get the money together for one.

    This DD makes so many of us feel ugly, unlovable, useless, and a whole host of other negative emotions. I guess that's understandable given the nature of the illness. On the other hand I believe that we are all strong people (even though it doesn't always feel that way) we have had to be to cope with what we have to.

    Try to be kind to yourself Betty.