I am really down...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by susabar, Dec 29, 2002.

  1. susabar

    susabar New Member

    I have only known of Fibromyaglia for 6 weeks or so... The holidays really kept me moving and made it easy to deny my diagnosis. ( My little one still believes in Santa ) Now that Xmas is over I am feeling more and more depressed. I also decided no matter how awful I felt I was not going to snap at my family... it's not thier fault and they don't deserve it. But today I was very quiet and somewhat withdrawn , and my husband treated me as though I was lashing out at everyone !!! I just don't get it ??? Well that's it.. other than I don't even know who I am anymore.... do others feel that way ??? I seem to have no personality anymore... could it be the painkillers ??

    Thanks
    Sue
  2. Kathryn

    Kathryn New Member

    The holidays are especially hard on all of us because of the extra stress and activity. I am going to guess that part of the problem will go away after your system becomes used to your medications. I would suggest that you order a stack of info leaflets from this site. The first message is always information on how to request them. You can get up to 99 free at one time. Pass them out to everyone you know and give some to your doctors. It is easier to let them read than to try to explain a hundred or more times. Then, when finances permit, buy some good books on FMS. Dr. Devin Starlanyl has written several. Dr. Mark Pellegrini is another good one to watch for. Visit this site often, and you will learn a lot from others who have been where you are now. If you have not had it too long, there is a very good chance of a lengthy remission with proper medication and rest. I do hope this is true in your case. Good luck.
    Kathryn
  3. joannie1

    joannie1 New Member

    It is so normal to feel the way you are feeling. Denial is something i still have from time to time. Feeling as if you are not you anymore is also normal. it is very hard for others to understand too. it is flustrating and so hard on you. Especially when you do not know what to do or anything else. I get told alot that I am no fun anymore, I never want to do anything but i just ignore it. There is nothing I can do about it anyways. I figure i do all I can possibly do and if it isn't good enough oh well. I am not the old me and I have to except that and be thankful that I can still do what I do.
    Sue I think this may have you a little depressed like it does most of us. Have you been put on some kind of anti depressant? if not they really do help. I am sure you are also feeling a little guilt about this DD and that too is normal but, don't blame yourself okay. And remember you're not superwoman. You can't do it all.
    My thoughts are with you and i hope you start to feel better.
    Big Hugs,
    Joannie
  4. griswoldgirl

    griswoldgirl New Member

    -me after years and years of wierd and unexplained symptoms, being tested over and over for lupus, MS and other strange illnesses--I was glad that I was not crazy and that my DD had a name.

    The first thing I did was do what you are doing, connect with others that have the illness. Then I read as much as I could on the disease. I read things on the internet on web sites such as the Fibromyalgia Association and others. I read books and tried new vitimin rituals etc. When first diagnosed exercise was the key for me. As long as I stayed in shape, my aches and pains were not too bad.

    It is now 8 years later and I have had 3 surgeries in 3 years due to severe osteo arthritis and endometriosis-so I have other ailments getting in the way of my healing.

    Get your hands on some good material to read and educate yourself about this disease. What works for some of us makes others worse. You will learn over time what helps you as you go along.

    Denial is normal--heck I was in denial for years and did not even realize it until I came to this board. I pushed myself way beyond what I was capable of for years and years--working fulltime, being a single mother while my husband worked out of town-soccer games etc etc and had a knee injury in August and had surgery again---------and I crashed and burned hard and fast. Layed in my bed depressed, crying and sleeping for two months. I finally realized that what was going on was that I was finally grieving the loss of the old me. The active, type A always on the go Cathy.

    I am a work in progress and it has taken years for me. I am finally accepting my limitations and saying no, taking time off from work to heal and do not plan on going back full time when I do.

    You will have to find your own path. Talk to us and learn what you can. Ask any questions you want, none are silly, we have all asked them at one time or another. We are here for you and you are home.

    Be good to your self

    cathy
  5. northwoodssue

    northwoodssue New Member

    I think what you are going through is a normal response to this loss of your "old self". Please allow yourself to go through the stages of grief, because that is exactly what you are going through. Anger, denial, etc . No wonder you feel like you do. You've gone from very active to pain and stiffness and decreased activity level. You deserve to be mad and depressed. Allow it and work through it with the other response s here, esp. to read all you can to educate yourself about fms.
    You've had a major life style change and need time to adjust. Please read all you can and let your family read it too. It'll help them to understand what you are going through. I got my husband Mark Pellegrino's book, the Fibromyalgia Supporter, and it helped him understand what I was feeling.
    Good luck - check back with us later and let us know how you are doing - we care!
    sue
  6. karen55

    karen55 New Member

    from everyone above. And I will add something I posted on another post: take one day at a time and allow yourself to feel good about the things you can do. Regarding the personality/pain killers - what pain meds are you taking? It could be depression that's making you feel as though you have no personality, or it could well be the meds you are on. If that is, in fact, a side effect, and it doesn't lessen or disappear soon, maybe your Dr. can prescribe something different for you. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

    Karen
  7. Vicque

    Vicque New Member

    Dear Sue...You are not alone...always remember that. I have been an LPN for 12 years and was hit head on in a roll-over MVA in 1994. Diagnosed in 1995, I thought the world was going to come to an end, and I was dying. Even with being a nurse I didn't even know what FM was! No sugar coating here., the road will not always be easy, but know that this website will get you through moments you thought you'd never get through. Somedays you'll feel good enough to cheer someone else up, and somedays you just need to get on her and rant and rage. We all share your agony, but most of all we are all your friends. No matter where you are, we are there with you in spirit. Take advice, read up, learn all you can. Not all things work for all people. But the info is incrediable. I myself have had to stop my nursing career for the moment. I am 38 with 4 children. 16,15,7,5. Three girls, one son. Support is so important, but don't expect all those who know you to understand. Find a compassionate doctor, and know that God is for you. Your in my thoughts....peace.....Vicque
  8. LisaMay

    LisaMay New Member

    I think it is normal to feel down, especially after the chaos that accompanies the holidays. Take some YOU time - do something for yourself that will make you smile and feel good. I've always heard that there are 4 stages of grief. Allow yourself to feel each one to the fullest and then let it go. Tomorrow is another day. It is always easier to give advice instead of following it, but give it a go. You might like who you see on the other side.

    Smile, I care! Lisa