I am really trying hard , but I feel like a burden

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by darvick, Jul 28, 2006.

  1. darvick

    darvick New Member

    Hi all,I usually dont post problems, but here goes. Spouse left to do some errands and on the porch was a letter, explaining,how I mess up the bills, forget what i'm supposed to do. Now on top of working she has to go to the store and do more. She understands but it gets frustrating to her. I don't blame her for being upset,angry etc.Im not the same person i used to be,could handle anything. I hate that I cause this for her. I know its the fibro , yes it is ,,,the end of the letter said dont know what to do just accept it. She has tried to get me to help with some thing, like web work and odd jobs, Im waiting for social security disability. I am not really good at things I have to really concentrate on. I feel like im lazy,and never was/ i was a certified nursing assistant for 25 years and busted my but and was good at it, now it feels i screw up everything.My spouse is a Boat captain and for the last 5 years she has been working up to the big ships, with the personality to match(good thing) I on the other hand am laid back, type b personality. oh well just a bad day i guess. nice to wake up to. Didnt' mean to havethis long.
    soft hugs
    Darlene
    [This Message was Edited on 07/29/2006]
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    It's a big change for those of us who are used to working and earning to become disabled and dependent.

    I do what I can around the house even tho it's not really much: the dishes, take out the trash, etc.

    Maybe you can write the Capt. nice letter? Do some little thing like fix a favorite dish?

    Good luck.
  3. TAM

    TAM New Member

    Hi Darlene,

    I'm sorry your having such a rough time, just keep in mind that your not lazy and its not your fault at all that you are unable to do most things you were once able to do. Your illness takes alot away from you i know i can barely do anything anymore.

    Your spouse probably just needed to vent a little, not only is it hard on the ones that suffer the illness its hard on your family and friends because weather we like it or not we do chance alot. But just communicate with her about your feelings and let her tell you her feelings, it just takes time to get adjusted to the changes but it will get easier to deal with over time.

    Good luck with social security disability, i really hope that your approved. Take care, i wish you the best and i hope things get better for you. Tammy.

  4. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member


    If it wasn't for the fact that my dog really needs me I would run away---far, far, away. My BEST friend lives 600 miles away & I don't get to talk to her very often. I have 2 other friends here but even those relationships feeled strained. Yeah I have "work friends" but thats not the same.

    I've had a really BAD week, and I know my husband is really fed up with me.--there hasn't been a lot of words spoken between us except things mumbled as walking away (him) and he made the comment that he hasn't been

    As for me I'm afraid to express my frustation for fear I will say the wrong things, bad things and or start crying and not be able to stop.
    Thank God for our dog, because he has listened to me vent and licks the tears.

    A lot of this stems around my car problems, and my general studipty---long story--I'll spare you all the details.

    My car problems has forced me to ask my friends at work to give me rides home & sometimes a ride to work. Next time I need a ride to or from I'm just going to call a taxi--then maybe I won't feel like such a mooch.
  5. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I can sympathize with you.

    I used to hold a very good job, and now can't work, and can't do much around the house, so the burden is on my husband.

    Just tell her how much you appreciate what she is doing for you and that you are trying to get better.

    She might be just having one of those days that she is overwhelmed, and I'm sure it will pass.

    Hang in there!
  6. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    When I saw the word BURDEN, I knew I had to read your thread because that is the word I have used and felt lately.
    It is the one word that finally sent me to therapy. Worthless...useless...BURDEN. Strong words...strong feelings.

    I was a professional and held the same job for 32 years and was a dedicated and hard worker. I was confident and always liked myself and who I was.

    Now..well you know how I feel. It's hard to get past this because I too am reminded of how it's all about me. Someone forgot how I was the main earner in our household for 3/4 of our marriage and kept everything and everybody together. I am type A.

    I am watching by DH collapse under the pressure...both physically and mentally. He was so use to me to fix everything. I was what they call co-dependent.

    By your description, I think what you are doing is amazing. I can do very little to help and for many months, I could do nothing except take take of my basic needs. There were days without baths. Your spouse needs to understand it could be worse and if you do not take care of yourself it very well could get worse.

    I know it has to be hard on them. They did not want their life to change but even if it is not easy, they can not know what you are dealing with both physically and mentally.

    I understand. Who wants to feel like a burden? The thing that I remember most is "I'm tired of it being all about you now".

    My DH is a recovering addict that put me and my family through hell many times over. I could not believe he of all people could think that let along say it. Our lives for several years revolved around his problem and always with his recovery.

    I guess it's different when it's not you that needs the help. I understand what you are saying more than I want too.





  7. tata1580

    tata1580 New Member

    I know exactly how you feel..

    I have always been the goer and the doer and watching from the side lines gets the best of me..right now I am just doing what I can and hoping and praying for better tommorrows.

    Keep the old chin up!!
  8. darvick

    darvick New Member

    thank you all for you reply, Its nice to know your not alone
  9. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    I know the feeling too. And, like TAM, I am a Type A personality also.

    I can't multitask anymore, remember anything, talk or communicate effectively...I forget what I am doing in the middle of doing it...and so on.

    We all have to remember, myself included, that if we are doing the best we can, that HAS to be good enough! But, easier said than done.

    Hang in the sweeite! And feel free to "vent" anytime to us!
    Good luck,
    CockatooMom
  10. darvick

    darvick New Member

    I also got heck over the battery, which was not my fault.I kno2 I forget things, but I not100Percent of the time. I also went to the beach because I needed a reoriantion. I couldnt walk. So I was sitting at the beachfor a few min. All of a sudden She yelled,'Gee I workevery day and here is my wife sitting at the beach. Just had to get away. How embarrassing. My apt. has been renovating so the only excersise i can do is wate rexcercise. I walk the dog, every day, Cook, clean, Laundry ect... Take care of the animals,she doesn't have to lift a finger. It may take me a long time to get things done but I manage to do it. I feel i cant do anything , that doesnt invole her. She doest't like the same thines. Well Im going to revent all that i can
    love dar
  11. darvick

    darvick New Member

    hey all I'm the spouse.
    I read all your responses and although I understand alot about fibro from reading. There are some things that us spouses just get frustrated with, its not personel and we don't want to ,

    I never write here cause its her board and I try to stay out of it , so she can have her own area to vent and talk.

    So, um wheres the spouse board.
    I love DarV with all my heart and soul , shes not a burden, Im just tired and confused.
    Not to mention when you work all week with a crew some are brain damaged without an excuse , its hard at home.

    I respect you all, and keep up the fight. Don't give in.

    Capt.
  12. darvick

    darvick New Member

    Sorry, just had to say I spent some time reading some more articles, and I owe her an apology I really could do a better job at understanding how hard it is for yall and be more compasionate.

    Keep trying I guess

    Capt
  13. tata1580

    tata1580 New Member

    Let's face it this DD is hard on everyone, and we just have to listen to each other and work at making things work..I appreciate you researching some of the things that are going on with DAR..

    To brighter days!!
    Tami