I am settled into hospice now

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ckball, Apr 14, 2008.

  1. ckball

    ckball New Member

    Thank you all so much for your words of support and your stories of your lost loved ones. I am so sorry that so many of you have had to go threw this.

    This is a wonderful place, was built about 5 years ago and has a $10,000 stained glass window in the chapel. I know the people that made it. It is so beautiful.

    My best freinds mother was here 2 years ago so I was familar with it and wanted to come here.

    It has been a long and tiring day, I arrived at the hospital at 7:30 am and they didn't transfer her until after 5 because the hopsice had 5 admissions today so we had to wait as they staggered the arrival times.

    Everyone has been wonderful and love the girls, they have finally settled down and sleeping on the couch. I left them in the car all day, I would go out every couple of hours and walked around the block and they had food and water in the car, it was only in the 40's today so they were ok.

    Mom has been in and out but not responsive, only loud moaning and kept pulling her gown and sheets off. She has opened her eyes a few times but did not respond with a nod or a squeeze, then she would be out cold just as quick as she came around.

    After the nurses got her settled the girls got up on the bed and Missy did her usual face wash and mom never moved, Missy laid her head on mom's chest and nudged her, then lick her again and was upset that mom didn't respond. I finally had to make her get down because she was trying to lay on top of her, she was determined to wake her up.

    They are now sleeping on the couch and I will join them shortly and try to rest and watch tv as I am really tired, I didn't sleep well last night, kept having to go pee all night, then woke at 5:30 and just got up and packed my bags.

    My daughter has decided to wait until mom passes before coming, she only has 3 days off and will help me go to the NH and clean mom's room out.

    I have to go to Wally's tomorrow for my mid-month meds and few other errands and contact the funeral home. I have been doing pretty good but know when it is all over I will have my time then.

    I can not explain the calmness I have had other than god is in control and I am just the expediter. I am just going to have faith that god will get me threw this. It is so hard to watch her and feel so helpless.

    Thank all of you and I know you understand me not addressing each of you. My headache is starting to come back so I am going to lay down. I really don't know what I would do without all of you and your support. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of your in your own trials and tribulations, no matter how much you have going on in your own lives, you still rally around and support everyone when in need. I will keep you updated as I can -god bless all you-Carla

    [This Message was Edited on 04/15/2008]
  2. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member


    Do you have a laptop? I am guessing that is how you are keeping in contact. Just wanted to say I was thinking of you and how sweet of Missy licking her all over and trying to wake her up. How nice that they can be there to .

    I know you probably won't have lots of time to write but just wanted to say we are all with you my dear.

    God bless you and your mom!

    More blessings and hug,

  3. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    This is just so moving, with the doggies helping her an all. Your mother, I hope, will have a speedy passing as it is clear her soul is ready to leave.

    What a wonderful place you are in, try and take good care of yourself if that is at all possible, with naps etc.

    We let my mom go the same way, and I do understand that calmness you describe. It is acceptance I think.

    Much love,

  4. doloresf1

    doloresf1 New Member

    You've been on my mind today. I'm praying your Mom has peace. She's in God's hands.

    It is painful for me to post. My dear friend and neighbor was admitted to Hospice care yesterday afternoon. My heart is breaking too.

    Love, doloresf1
  5. foggyfroggy

    foggyfroggy Guest

    I went through this with my dad a number of years ago. I still look back on that unearthly calmness with wonder. I'm so glad you can have the 'girls' there with you, and I pray that she will go quickly and easily.
    Lots and lots of gentle hugs,
  6. poets

    poets Member

    I went through this with my Dad a while back. He accepted the fact that he wasn't going to get any better. He passed away when he was 79. He had said all his life that he would pass away at 79 and he was right. He passed away in my arms and I knew from his countenance he was in a much better place. It was very hard, but with God's help you somehow get through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, and I'm wishing you peace.

  7. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I must start by saying that Iam so so very sorry that I have missed following your story and is ONLY because I have rarely come to the chit chat board and mostly post on the "main" board...

    So I regret that I have not been one of the ones to help carry you through this time when you need us all the most....

    But Iam here now....your story has brought me to tears...and I just wnt you to know that you and your Mom are in my thoughts and prayers...

    many times through the years you have been here for me...and I want you to know that Iam here for you now.....

    I pray that your mom is at peace and that you will have the strength and health to make it through the days ahead.....

    I hope you know how loved and cared about you are and most of all that you are NOT alone!

    Prayers, love and hugs
  8. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I can only imagine what you're going through right now....when my Mom was in ICU I wasn't able to be there for her because I was too sick to travel.

    I've often imagined in my head what it was like for the rest of the family to go through what they did.

    I do admire the peace that you've found, it was the only thing that got me through my own difficult time, knowing I did my best and that God would handle the rest.

    Peace, comfort, rest, strength......find it where you can and be good to yourself during this difficult time.


  9. fight4acure

    fight4acure Member


    Before my grandmother passed, I sat by her all night long and talked to her when she was unresponsive. Hearing is one of the last sensories to go. I told her I would be fine and that I would miss her but that she can visit me in my dreams. To this day she still visits me in my dreams and gives me a smile and a hug and talks to me. I wake up with smiles on my face knowing I had those moments with her in my dreams. I was a grandma's girl, and still am in my dreams.

    Take time to pamper yourself as a loss this great is difficult, even if you feel peaceful about it. There needs to be much time for you to pamper yourself.

  10. fight4acure

    fight4acure Member

    One of the best things I did for myself is join a support group with hospice and discussed the feelings with others who were going through similar losses. I would not have done this had I not been volunteering for hospice. It was sort of mandatory for volunteers to go through this, to learn what group is like, and to also feel comfortable expressing grief. I was really hesitant, but when I went I really got a lot of support and relief. Please consider joining a good support group for others going through a loss of a loved one.

  11. stick2013

    stick2013 Member

    I am glad that things are peaceful and hoping that your mom is too.

    Take care of yourself....
  12. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    it's good to know that your Mum is settled in and that you are able to stay with her. So nice that your dogs are welcome.

    I can picture Missy trying to wake your Mum.

    I'm glad you have the strength to handle this the way you are doing Carla and that your daughter will come and help you sort everything out.

    Thinking of you, take care of yourself.


  13. laceymae

    laceymae New Member

    I am so sorry that I haven't been here lately and I just read about your mom this morning...I wish there were words to express how I feel for you. You and your Mom our in my prayers.

    I just lost a very special cousin Saturday. He had a massive heart attack. We are still in shock. He was such a great guy. You may have read it in the paper. He was 52 and from Russell. He worked for Ashland Inc.

    I am thinking of you and praying for you friend...
  14. ckball

    ckball New Member

    I just wanted you to know I was just fine until I came here :), your prayers, thoughts and wished brought me to tears, but that is just fine. Thank all of you wonderful people for everything you do.

    Today is the funeral home, nurshing home, shopping for her gown, she wanted to be buried in a powder blue night gown and robe. She was a "house dress" kind of person and didn't like getting dressed up to much.

    The Dr told me today it is a matter of a few days, so I want to take care of everything today then I won't have to leave for anything after that.

    I can not say thank you enough for all of you, I have so many wonderful freinds here and you are my family and knowing you will be here is what keeps me going and I know you all care about me. As you know I don't have any other family except my daughter 500 miles away, so I will be alone after all of this is over.

    I will keep you updated as things progress and god bless all of you.

    Lacey I am sorry for your loss this week, I did not see it in the paper. Take care-Carla

    BTW- I didn't didn't pick the green icon, must have been a slip up-I love you all-
  15. laceymae

    laceymae New Member

    Just tried to call you...at least I think It was you. It was the closet I could find in the phone book. It was a cell # so if you find a strange number on caller ID it was me.

    Will try you later...just wanted to talk a few minutes. I am getting ready to go to the funeral home and won't be back til late, so maybe I can catch up with you later.

    hugs lacey
  16. kellyann

    kellyann New Member

    I am very sorry to hear about your mom. My prayers are with you and your family. Just remember you are not alone, you do have us! We all love you!

    Your Friend,
  17. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    This will be a busy day for you and that's good. How wonderful that they allow the girls to be there with you at hospice! They must be a comfort to you, even a good distraction at times when you must walk them.

    I sense what you're feeling is peace. You know you've done the right thing and you've accepted it. Sure, there will be a time for tears but I hope you won't let them be of regret; you've gone far and beyond for your mom and she's come to a time that awaits us all.

    I continue to keep you in my prayers.

    Hugs and blessings of comfort,
  18. jinlee

    jinlee Member

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have been where you are and I know the angels are surrounding your mom and you. When you think you can't go on, you will be given that little bit more you need.

    Mom knows you are there with her and you are to be commended for doing the hardest thing on earth we are called to do.

    With my caring and prayers,

  19. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    Just wanted to drop you a note to tell you that I am thinking of you and your Mom. I pray for peace and comfort for both of you. I hope you can feel the love from everyone here. You are not alone.
  20. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I'm glad to hear you were able to find this wonderful facility for you and your mom. The people there must be very understanding if they let the girls visit too.

    Please remember to take good care of yourself.