I AM SO DESPERATE TO VENT ABOUT MY SON!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by MamaR, Dec 11, 2005.

  1. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I know that he is an alcoholic. He always smells of alcohol....day or night! You can't even look at him and tell that he is drinking sometimes. I just know that he is destroying his liver, etc!

    Plus...I worry about him drinking and driving. He tells me that he doesn't drink too much to drive, but how do I know that? My fear is that he will and kill himself and/or someone else!

    He once was living for God and doing so good....but he started missing church (his SUPPORT) and he slowly stopped going to church. Then, he fell into this way again. He has talked to me in the past and told me that he could see how this was destroying him. But, now he is in denial (at least to me) again!

    I thought of deleting this...as I sit here in tears, but I won't... I know that you all are here and will help me pray for him!


    I TRULY APPRECIATE YOU ALL!!

    MamaR
  2. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I just called a friend of mine from my church...as I just can't make it tonight. I didn't tell her... but she sort of knows what we go through. She has similar situation with her oldest son.

    I appreciate your prayers so much!

    I just feel so beat down. This fibro and all the other health issues don't help!

    You see, my mother was an alcoholic from as early as I can remember....and it is like reliving it. But, it is SO MUCH WORSE...when it's your child!

    Some days I just get so tired of it all!!

    Thanks again!
  3. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I truly appreciate your supporting words and prayers, also!

    I sure need it right now!

    He was suppose to be home by now....staying about 65 miles away from here for work. I can't reach him by his cell phone....will call him later!

  4. over50

    over50 New Member

    When will we stop worrying about our children?
    I never dreamed what my daughter is doing now,and my Psych,says,she is an adult and I have to let her be responsible for her choices.She is drinking too much also.
    We have to just pray like crazy,and love them.
    Its hard,I wear myself out trying to not think about her everyday.It sounds like you and I and I know many more of us are in that boat.Lets try to change course,and find things to do we enjoy. We have raised our kids,now we need to rediscover ourselves.
    Will be praying...love ya,Linda
  5. sdown

    sdown New Member

    Hi, My sincerest prayers go to you. We used to live beside two alcoholics. They were abusive to there wives and children. We had to move. I was sick with CFS at the time and still am. Would he consider joining AA? My husband works with an alcoholic. He never showers. I prayed for him and he showered the next day. My husband works with this guy and they both share a truck together. He said the stench is so bad he has to hang his head out the window to breath. Have you considered asking the Police Department, anonymously of course, if there is any support or programs he could attend. Or anything in the community at all? I know I guy where I live in Calgary who attends Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and he has stayed dry for 8 years. He works full time and is very responsible. So there is hope. Im a firm believer of prayer too. Did you ever watch the Suzanne Somers movie? It was about her dad who was an alcoholic. What made him stop was everything around him stopped helping him. For example, if he fell down drunk in the house everyone would just walk by him they would not help him up. If he was hungry he had to feed himself. His wife one night left him at the bottom of the stairs where he awoke the next morning. She used to always help him to bed help him to the fridge. She was told my I dont know if it was a doctor or a support group but they said dont help him. Then he started to want to stop drinking. Its a good movie. Maybe you should rent it one night with your son. I really will pray for you. Good luck!
  6. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    yes, we were talking about this in Oct (or about).... a similar situation.
    It was you, I ,and lovetoshine....I think! I would have to go back and see. I haven't been with it lately. Anyway, it was a few of us gals had similar childhoods also.

    Anyway, I agree with you! I just get in the...MOM WORRY MODE...and it really hurts. I guess when he comes in the door like that it just hits me...you know?

    Thanks for the encouragement!!

    I appreciate you......Mari


  7. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Yes, I saw the Suzanne Sommers movie. It brought back bad memories of my childhood.

    I agree people have to admit they need help....for sure!

    My son works and is clean, etc. He just drinks. He doesn't get sloppy like some other people that I have known. Some people probably wouldn't even know that he is drinking. I am just so sensitive and know where it can lead...you know?

    It still can destroy either way. I thank you for prayers!

  8. karatelady52

    karatelady52 New Member

    I can tell you about a wonderful book that has helped me, because I too have a child who at one point in my life for about 3 years just about sucked the life out of me.

    The name of the book is Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. When I first began to read it, I thought, I'm not codependent but after the first chapter, I realized, when we are spending all our waking hours worrying, thinking, planning and trying to figure out what to do with this child, spouse, etc, we are codependent.

    In the book Melody talks about codependents as being reactionaries. She says we overreact, underreact but rarely do we act. We react to the problems, pains, lives and behaviors of others. We react to our own problems, pains and behavior. She says many codependent reactions are reactions to stress and uncertainty of living or growing up with alcoholism and other problems. It is normal to react to stress she says but it is heroic and lifesaving to learn how to not react and to act in more healthy ways. Most of us, however, need help to learn how to do that.

    She says the reason some professionals call codependency a disease is because many codependents are reacting to an illness such as alcoholism. She says another reason it is called a disease is because it is progressive. As the people around us become sicker, we may begin to react more intensely. Codependency may not be an illness, but it can make you sick. And it can help the people around you stay sick.

    She talks about learning how to detach in a healthy way that is beneficial to our loved one. She says,

    "Detaching does not mean we don't care. It means we learn to love, care and be involved without going crazy. We stop creating all this chaos in our minds and environments. When we are not anxiously and compulsively thrashing about, we become able to make good decisions about how to love people and how to solve our problems. We become free to care and to love in ways that help others and don't hurt ourselves."

    This book has helped me and is still helping me because I've had a teen who, in the past, has consumed me with their wrong choices over the years. They were not raised that way, in fact, they were raised in a Christian, loving home with both parents and my child loved God just as you said yours did.

    As this child grows older into adulthood, I'm learning that they must make and be responsible for their own choices. In the past, I would sneak around trying to overhear conversations, snoop around in their room, etc. Of course, if I found anything, my whole thought process would be in a turmoil for days.

    This book has helped me learn how to take my life back since the only person I can change is me.

    I've also learned through a rough 3 years that God is watching over this child of mine and He can protect them and keep them in His Hands as I stand in faith and don't believe all the lies that my mind can conjure up.

    On my good days, I see my child as they once were, happy, making wise choices and living the life God called them to live.

    Sandy
  9. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Just replied to your new pic!!

    Bless you sweetie!
  10. LdyM

    LdyM New Member

    Oh how my heart breaks for you!! I too have gone through this!

    I have one word for you, ALANON. MamaR it is for YOU and it works.

    I am praying for him and your family, **LdyM

    P.S. I second what Sandy says regarding the book 'Codependent No More'. Was life changing for me.

    [This Message was Edited on 12/11/2005]
  11. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I haven't read the book...but you are so correct on this. I have read and been counseled about this...I agree with what you are saying!

    I really am better than I was before. I could write a book on this son of mine! If you could see where God has brought him from...you would say... WOW! He was addicted to heroine for over a year....and came so close to death many times!

    But, thanks to being incarcerated... he cleaned up and changed. I know that God sees him and loves him.

    I am trying to not let it consume me....really! I was doing exactly what you said that you did...you know... snoop and try to fix things years back. I asked God for help on it and He did help me distance myself.

    It is just like a slap in the face when they walk in when you are in so much pain. That is what happened to me today. I was so down when I posted this...but thanks to all of you precious women I feel much stronger now!!

    Love ya....MamaR
  12. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Thanks so much....I appreciate you all so much!

    Yes, Chocolat...I have seen this same son delivered by fasting and prayer. He has backslid...but I KNOW that he has a work to do for God! He even said that he had a calling! This is why satan is fighting for him so hard!! (I HOPE THAT IT IS ALRIGHT TO SPEAK OF THIS ON HERE!!)

    I will be praying and fasting tomorrow for all needs. I will check out the posts on that subject.

    Love ya...
  13. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Thanks...I heard all that you said. I TRULY feel that you know what I feel. You are so right. I know about the intervention. I just don't know how to begin. He already feels like the black sheep....you know all the brothers against him? I will pray about this for sure...but I feel better about it... and my faith is stronger right now....THANKS to you all!

    I know that I am responding back alot to everyone...sort of one on one! I hope that I don't overlook anyone after tonight! I love you guys SO much!

    MamaR
  14. cjr2003

    cjr2003 New Member

    I am adding your son to my prayer list. I know this must be so painful for you right now, and must scare you so. It is so hard when a loved one is in denial about something that is altering them and their life so drastically. One can feel so helpless at times and it can tear at the soul. I am praying that the Lord will be with your son through this challenging time for him and his family and that this is only a temporary phase and that the Lord will open his eyes to the reality of what he is doing to himself. I know that it can be so very hard to give our burdens and problems and worries over to the Lord especially when it is someone so close that we are so concerned over. But I pray that you will be comforted and that the Lord will answer your prayers. Much love, Carla
  15. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    MamaR - I agree with LdyM - you should look into Al-Anon, which is a 12-step program for friends and families of alcoholics. It is a very very good program. I've gone for over 10 years (my ex-husband was an alcoholic).

    In Al-Anon I learned that alcoholism is a disease, denial is one of its hallmarks, and a lot more. Plus I met a lot of people facing similar problems, which can help enormously.

    I'm truly sorry you have to face this with your son, but there is hope --

    Mary
  16. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    for the encouragement! I can't tell you how down that I was earlier...but all of you are so thoughtful.... and uplifting advice so helpful.

    I am feeling much better now...I am going to log off and unwind...try to get some rest. We kept our 4 yr old granddaughter last night...didn't rest !

    Again dear friends thank you all!!!


    MamaR
  17. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    I am praying for you. My dad is an alcholic also. I have two sons, and I understand the worry. Please try your best to let go and give this one to God. He can do so much for your son. I will be praying, God bless, Julie
  18. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Thanks so much for prayers and concern!

    God bless...Mama
  19. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I'm sorry I didn't see where you had responded the second time! I'm getting fuzzy here.

    I must say that you are so right about the alcohol changing them. My son is the most loveable, tender hearted person.
    He will always stop and help anybody that needs help. He goes out of his way to help others....just can't or won't see where he is headed with himself!! I just can't understand him!

    Good night...sleep tight!

    Mama
  20. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I have nothing to add to what the others have said. A little story about my uncle Tommy who was drinking bad. When he got drunk he would call me or my mum to wine, yell and say he was going to hang himself in the tree outside his house. He said that often. I got tired of his talk about that tree (19 yrs old then) and said ; "Well, if ya don't call me back tomorrow, I know you made it!". Then I hung up. He called me back the next day and yelled at me, said; see now what ya did, I got so mad at you for saying that I didn't want to do it because I needed to yell!'
    I told him not to call me intoxicated again. He became lonely, mum did the same. I wrote him about faith and he stopped! He had to take (what is that stuff again that they take if they have a hard time staying away from alcohol?), but he stuck to it and is still sober. He goes to church too!

    MamaR, you will be in my prairs.