i am so p.o. at exhb now from comment our son said

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 69mach1, Sep 3, 2006.

  1. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    long story short...our son cody has a gf, that last week was hitting washer and dryers and hurt her hand...and slammed the pool patio gate..i heard this huge bang looked out thinking maybe a car hit it or someone was getting violent out there...but only saw his friends, girls that have bf's...anways

    he just told me the gf ws coming over today at this was around midnigh 1 am..i can't remember then time now...

    so my son started getting verbally ugly saying i am trying to keep her away from her..i told he he could go to her house, go to starbucks...he said that he didn't want to go there..and it cost money at starbuck..

    i told him i have homework and i have been tired running a fever...truely i am...hurting etc..

    i really didn't need them in my house while trying to study and i am going to college...

    he said dad said i was very selfish, and all i care about is me going to college...and i don't care about cody...

    so i tried calling his dad..started off that cody just informed of the gf coming over about 1 am..news to me..last i knew she was in lake tahoe..for the weekend..

    the ex answered the phone and only said hello...his message machinge came on and i told him it was on...then i preceeded to tell him that now cody is telling me how he stated i was a very selfish person and i only care about my self and me going to college and i don't care about cody...

    he hung up then took the phone off the hook..

    i asked cody if he unplugged it...he said no...

    so daddy dearest couldn't handle it...i wanted to tell him i am about to ship cody down there so he can have him the rest of the years...

    i can not stand this anymore...i may try callign him later on today...

    cody has football practice today at 9 am..he is still coughing from june and i took him in the month of july for lung xray...anywasy...i told cody i don't see his father taking him to the dr when he is coughing like he is..
    and i am the one that has been running to and from school football track, teacher conferences...and his dad hasn't contributed to football at all this season..

    iam venting because i don't know if i shoould and talke to this bipolar non medicated one at that...i do not have anything about people be bipolar i have a few friends and they have sought help and it has changed their world for them..

    oh i am ticked...cody was calling me bad names...because he thinks i am trying to keep her away from him...he said he is still tryig to figure out if he really wants to be w/her...

    i told her i didn't like her hitting the washer and dryers and the walls in the apt complex laundry room..

    he telling me i am not letting him grow up by letting her in his bedroom sp he can relax and sleep when she comes over...

    i said chores need to be down and homework...and there will be no sleeping in his bedroom w/her or any other female..he is 16 ..i said when he starts paying half the bills then maybe he can have a say in it..

    oh boy...

    jodie
  2. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Jodie:

    You really had a rough time there. I can only imagine what it would be like. I sometimes wonder what my little girl would be like had she not been killed by a drunk driver.
    It was devastating.

    Be glad you have your child through all the trials and tribulations of it. Moms always win if they persevere enough.

    Have a nice rest today and I believe the stress will be eased.

    nyrofan
  3. Loveyame

    Loveyame New Member

    Jodie, i will trade you for a week! My daughter told us that she is getting married. she is 18 but the guy she is going to marry has been in the pen for child molesting. Her comment "Mom, he did not do it, the kid lied". "He is so caring and I love him"! She has been dating him for the whole sum of 2 weeks!!!!!!!

    I think with your son he is acting out because Mom is trying to get an education and it is taking away from him having your complete attention. When I was in college I had the same problem with both of my kids. I got to the point that I made the kids go to their rooms for 2 hours in the evening where I could study. Then we would gather in the living room and watch tv or play a game together before bedtime. It gave them the attention they so needed and it gave us all a break from school!

    Where friends were concerned they were only allowed to come over on the weekends and only in the afternoon. That way we could get the house work done in the morning on Sat and the rest of the weekend was free.

    I also went from real dishes to paper plates, cups exc. to cut down on the chores during the week. None of us wanted to do housework so we tried not to make a mess.

    Hang in there, he will be 18 soon and most likely on his own. Sounds like he is trying to grow up but is having a hard time communicating with out yelling and being angry.

    Girlfriend wise I think I would invite her over for dinner and set some rules for the both of them. If your son is having sex with her I also suggest getting him protection from diseases and babies. What does her parents think of her coming over after 10pm? Maybe getting them involved in the situation would help.

    talk with u later, and hang in there!!!
  4. 1975jet

    1975jet New Member

    Jodie;

    So sorry to hear about the stress going on.. That sure does not help with everything else. You vent girl anytime you have to. I don't know How I am feeling today-it just seems like one thing after another- I maybe should have waited to start school- I got alot of hmework, I got to get into it- My mind gets sooo distracted, does yours?

    Hugs and take deep breathes-
    Janet
  5. Ranigar

    Ranigar Member

    I'm 52 and have raised 2 sons and 1 daughter.Coming from experience let me say to you that teens of any age will say anything they can think of to get what they want at that moment.When they grow up and are on their own a bit you will get your reward.That's when Mom becomes so smart and he'll need your advise or just to hear your voice more often then you can imagine now.Keep doing what your doing and keep the boundries in place because believe it or not he not only needs them he wants them and would trust you less if you were a pushover.One day he'll tell you he's proud of you for going back to college hang in there your doing great.
  6. mrdad

    mrdad New Member

    Oh Jodie!

    I know that you are trying to handle a great deal at
    the moment with your helth and school etc. However, it
    would be advantageous to your well being to regain con-
    trol of the situation there. You have the "tail wagging
    the Dog." Need, in my opinion, to have a meeting with
    the little "Sweeties" parent(s) and set everything right.

    What the blaises is a 16y.o. girl running around unsuper-
    vised at 1 a.m. in the Morn?? Set the parameters that
    both of them must function within while under you rules.
    Cody is going to continue to play you and your former hus.
    off against one another! IT WORKS!!!

    Sorry you are going thru this Jodie!!
    Talk later,OK?
    MRDAD

    [This Message was Edited on 09/04/2006]
  7. janieb

    janieb New Member

    Been there. Children not only NEED rules, they secretly WANT them.

    You need to set down with him and his girlfriend and write out the rules and discuss them. They don't have to like them. As my father told us, "as long as you put your feet under my table, you'll do as I say." Seems fair to me.

    janieb
  8. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Nyrofan, firstly I felt so shocked about your losing your daughter that way, I am so very sorry. Right now as you know it is still touch and go with my brother afterbeing in the car wreck and I must say I just do not know how I could handle this being my son. God bless you.

    Jodie. I am wondering if your son could have inherited the bi polar or if he is just being a selfish teen. As you could get thrown out of the apartment by your son's gf's behavior then she needs to know this. It seems as if you just may suggest to this boy that he is perfectly welcome to go and live wiht his dad if he cannot show respect for you and if he wants to bring over friends who also show no respect.

    His behavior is selfish and callous not yours. Set the rules and stick to them and say end of discussion.

    Love Anne
  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i know there are people worse off than me...and you are just the reminder of that...

    i am still waiting for him to come back to the apt after football..i know one of the guys is already out of practice..i don't know if cody is getting post practice, or talking to a coach/and or friend about the situation...or if he just drove over to the gf's house..

    i am having a melt down almost...tearing up...not a good day..i had a friend call up and ask if i could take her back to her home so we could talk....and she had surgery on boobs and some lipo on friday. so her friend that has a one year old's hb is out of town on business and jett thought it maybe better that i pick her up and help her get her bandages off etc..and help her w/showering... i told her what happened in more detailed than i displayed here...she said she would call me back later on today...

    cody had told me his life is not worth living last night or i mean early this morning...and he should just hit me in the face...and said the fu's b...and of course i told him he gets grounded for things like that...

    and to make this a little more clearer to everyone...the gf was at home...and they made some plans on their own to come over here after his football practice...he told that to me around 12-1 am..i don't remember the time..i thought she was coming back from lake tahoe...

    she is a spoiled redheaded irish girl...she has told me she doesn't have to do chores...and her parents allow her to drink..which i do not approve of...and my son doesn't like as well...

    anne at the age of 7 cody started telling me he wished he was dead...that ws the first time his dad left me for the first psycho stripper....truly psycho...she knew he was married...then she threaten to p/u cody at school and tell him all about herself and his dad...then she dyed her hair blonde because i'm blonde...then she would tell her friends to tell him she was in i.c.u..that was a couple of times...

    this was when we were trying to repair this marriage...

    i have taken him to a couple of psychologists and one psychiartrist..and they said he is not bipolar...trust me i have been keeping an open eye...and if i am blind about it i want you or anyone else to tell me to go get him checked out again...i did that last year...when he was dealing w/gf problems...

    and her parents they never return my calls...i have tried that one before...but i do have a letter of apology from gf for disrespecting my home...etc...when i caught them semi-nude in the bedroom...

    they both claim no sex of any kind...just heavy petting a couple of times...

    cody was saying he needs to be around her to see if he really wants to be w/her still...he said gf will not act like that again...he said i told her if she acts like that again then he will be breaking up w/her for sure...

    so she said she wouldn't..and he said he told her about me not allowing her over if she acts like that again...

    so do i just let her come over for a few hours then send her on her marry way...or tell him and her to see eachother other places..?

    yes, i did leave a message on his father's a/m this morning...he didn't answer ...so i told him about the gf situation alittle bit..then proceeded to tell him how cody said that he said, "i am very selfish and all i care about is my college and i do not care about cody and i use the excuse of being tired", i then said i wanted my books back on bipolar and co-dependant from alanon..that he needed to read...and from now on if he wants to know anything about cody's football he will have to call him...and i do not want to see him or talk to him again....

    and he needs to take a good long look in the mirror about being selfish....i was not that one that was running off and cheating w/crank w.strippers...and i have always been the one taking cody to school and conferences dealing w/teachers and running him to football and track practices and games not him...oh i did mention to him he is almost ready to get cody to raise the last few years and he can show him how great a father he is...but i really would have to think about it because of the problems he has.

    plus his dad told me some years back that it is normal for kids his age to want to try to harm themselves just to experience it and he had tried it himself... and i told him that was not normal...he was not going to allow me to have cody see a psychiatrist.....that way he wouldn't have to pay half of the 5$ co-pay...he thought...

    well now i am getting worried that my son has not came home yet...i have a feeling i should call the gf's parents home...

    if they even pick up...

    or maybe the car broke down..too many questions going thru my head right now...


    plus cody said i keep treating him like a child...well i said he isn't pay the rent or bills...nor 18...i told him he
    can go see his gf but i need time to study and he cn be with her if he want to.


    i just tried calling the parents home and no answer as usual..then called the gf's and went straight to her ringtone...so i left no messages...

    if i walk over to her house i'm taking the car..period...

    jodie
  10. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    the real story, which makes me feel like an arse now because of the message i left...but it really isn't nothing that the ex hasn't done worse...

    but i found out his dad made a statement that i was being selfish about not letting our son drive my car....i said did you tell him that i do not have him on my insurance on the car...cody said no...

    he told me that the college thing was basically not true...he said i was really trying to go to school...

    well someone posted here said he may have been playing the parents...i think cody was trying to manipulate me to get what he wanted...

    he aplogized after he came back from football....

    i told him i love him and if his father said those things about me i do not want to have him in my house or speak to him again...and if me going to college is being selfish then...that's too bad...

    that is when he fessed up...

    well thanks again...i need to read and cook...dinner...

    jodie
  11. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I think all the advice you have is good. especially not drawing the boy into the situation with your ex. That's not good for anyone, even you, as it won't make the hurt go away. The day may come when your ex apologises and takes ownership of the hurt, but don't hold your breath. You are well rid of a jerk like that.

    You have been treated badly for sure. It does sound to me as if the boy does have something odd going on, or he may be just trying to get attention. Hard to say.

    Parents allowing a young girl out and drinking etc at 1.am is not too bright.

    It does sound as if your son is just treating you any way he wants swearing etc. He may be picking up on the anger you feel towards his dad and using it against you. Can you go and see a family counselor and set some parameters and boundaries here? There may be free ones in your area.

    I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would certainlt get the management to talk to the girl and your son and set the rules for the complex for sure as people live there and don't want that racket going on. This may help you.

    As to being in the room, I would say that was OK if the door is open. The chances are they may be sexually active and the best thing you can do is make sure they are using condoms as they may not listen to any other advice. You try and get yourself into your studies and set a curfew time for bed for everyone.

    Love Anne

  12. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    the gf came over...i even picked her up at her grandparents..we were in the neighborhood...

    they were in his bedroom door opened..

    and yep my psychologist said the same as you...son taking his anger out on me because of the lack of a full on father figure in the home...

    we have been too some counseling...psychologist advised a teen group...and some one on one w/him...and i at times...but cody won't go now...and the dr said he found forcing them to go doesn't get the best results....

    but cody did ask me to take him last august...because of the gf situation..he was like i was mental mess, anxiety, throwing up couldn't eat....

    i suggested that he was too young to be going thru these types of emotions...and thought going to dr palmer would be a good idea...so he could give him some unbias suggestions on the gf deal...

    the next day he said get me in...and they got him right in...

    oh the gf isn't allow to be out that late...they have city curfews here friday and saturdays they must be off the street... week nights 10 pm...

    just the parents have raised their girls much more different than i have...they tthink drinking is ok for the kids...because they are irish...they sent their 17 year old on a plane flight with bottle of rum in container to go celibrate her senior graduation...

    the gf said cody isn't ever allowed to drink because of his father...

    he doesn't like the taste of it and thinks it's stupid...

    i got to take some tums...the motrin is upsetting my stomach now...i spit last night and i feel it coming again..

    thank you for your wisdom of advice...
    the eex-hb called tonight and said everything was fine...he heard my message and thought what the heck...i did call and leave another one to apologize for the first mess..and explained what was going on...

    not that it matters...but i will deal w/what comes my way.

    good night...

    jodie
  13. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i don't know if i should talk to his coach...this place is so uppity ...and i try to keep his private life private as possible...

    and gf.bf thing i agree...and i heard about it about a year and a half ago...from the gf on how she didn't appreicate the fact that i was trying to tell her mom on to raiser her...i just told her if she was my daughter i wouldn't allow her to date until she was 16...

    and i know sending him to dad's would not be a good idea..but i feels like it when the kid is verbally accousting you and says how dad lets him do whatever he wants to..

    anwyay i need to get off this computer...i have to go to an early class for me...so that means up around 7:45 am...then dragonspeak class at 10 am...

    and i need some tums...the motrin is burning my tummynow..i feel it in my throat..

    hgus
    jodie
  14. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i hve to keep this short...i need to get my butt in bed...i need some tums...the motrin the dr told me to take is burning my throat...last night i had it come up...

    thank you i will be back tomarrow afternoon late...

    love you all

    jodie
  15. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    With the acid you may want to grab some OTC Prilosec or Pepcid AC before it gets worse.

    Your son will probably be back in school and maybe he will calm down more with the schedule. Also, can he sign up for clubs and homework club? This keeps them at school for a longer day and they usually run later buses.

    It may give you both more of a break.

    Love Anne keep plugging away at your studies.